Most Frequently Asked Questions

[LPetrarca]

Just curious. What questions do users ask you most often?

Mine, in no particular order are:

"Can I ask you a question?"

"My computer at home runs like crap. It used to work alright until my kid(s) downloaded (insert your POS software name here). If I bring it in, do you think you could take a look at it?" (Another survey question perhaps?)

And of course: "When you get a minute, could you come take a look at my computer?" To which I reply: "Sure! As soon as I clear this backlog of 30 tickets, I'll be there."

[Darren Wilson]

What will happen if I press this button?

[Wayward Clam]

Yeah, you got any used 30 GB hard drives? How about Pentium 4s? Any 256MB sticks of RAM? I need a good system, but I want to spend less than $1000 Cdn. That includes a monitor and printer, right?

[MacGyver]

I love it when they ask this one. I always reply with "You just did."

Originally posted by LPetrarca:
"Can I ask you a question?"

[Kymera]

I like the "Are you busy?" or "Can I borrow you for a second?" questions.

[Elbatcho]

Will I be able to get on the internet with this computer?

I love that one.

[FooL]

"Hey, can I ask you about my home computer?"
/*Before I have a chance to reply...*/
"My printer isn't working."
/*Before I have a chance to reply...*/
"Everything is set up right though."
/*I offer advice.*/
"No, it's not that. I checked that. It's set up right."
/*repeat advice/denial until one of us get's fed up and leaves.*/

[PuterGeekGirl]

I know your busy...but do you have a minute?

The "will it work on the internet" is another good one.

Also, can I ask you about my home system? :mad:

[King Grover]

how about "hey you work with computers, right?" that one is classic. and it is followed by, I got this problem with the one at home. You know, I don't come to you and ask you questions about how to do your job do I? so F#@K OFF!!! :mad:

[n8dawg]

1. do u know how to ... ?
2. could i do that ...?
3. whats your name wise A$$? i dont like your additude

[Larommi]

My 12 year old son knows everything about computers, can you hire him?

[orange]

"Do you know of any good sites?"

"Can i install windows myself?"

"My computer keeps crashing, why?"

"How can i make a website?"

"Can you refill my ink cartridge?"

"Is it safe to shop on the internet?"

and at least a 1000 other totally inane efforts...

[Milenko]

*During my lunch break*

"I don't want to interrupt your lunch, but can I ask you a question?"

[Sowulo]

Me: Hello [enter name of business], this is Curt.
Caller: Hi. Do you fix computers?
Me: Rolling my eyes because my only listing in the phonebook is under "Computers, Service & Repair".....!!!! :(

[whatsupwithu]

Don't forget "How come your computers are so expensive? I can buy a Compaq for $100 less with a $400 mail in rebate"

[AlienDyne]

"Let me ask you something".
The next thing I remember is talking with him/her for about 15-20 mins. That drives me nuts!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Wayward Clam]

Or how about the people who start describing the problem, and you IMMEDIATELY know what it is, but they WON'T STOP DESCRIBING IT NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

"I got a message saying I need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"Oh yeah, I've seen that before. It means you need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"Yes, and when I try to run an mpeg, it crashes."
"Yeah. You need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"And it won't play CD's either."
"Yeah. You need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"Do you think it could be a problem with my RAM?"
"No. I think you need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"Because my cousin said he couldn't run his videos because he didn't have enough video RAM, so I thought that..."
"That's not the problem. YOU NEED TO REINSTALL WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER."
"So, downloading the movie again won't help?"
"REINSTALL THE *&^%$#@ PROGRAM, YOU BRAIN-CONSTIPATED PIECE OF @#$%^&*!!!!!!"
"Hey! You don't have to get mad! I was only asking for your advice..."

All while I have 17 urgent jobs on the bench waiting for me to get back to them...

[LPetrarca]

Originally posted by window_washer:
................. "Hey! You don't have to get mad! I was only asking for your advice..."


Yeah I get those too. They ask for your advice, you take the time to explain to them, in pain-staking detail, what they need to do, then they go off and do something that their neighbor told them to try. Then, when that doesn't work and the machine's totally screwed, they come back to you looking for more advice!

[YokiPoki]

"Just one quick question - how..." Half an hour later I am still at the user's PC.

[LadyTech]

1. "Are you Busy? " <no, I'm paid to sit here to look at the wall>

2. "I know you're busy, but..." <a complaint about some really really trivial problem, which in no way keeps them from performing their job>

3. While working on someone puter in an office.. never fails.. someone says.. "While you're here, I've got this problem.." <Call the problem IN if it's such a problem!>

[LagerLagerLager]

`My neighbour who is a computer expert says:`

`never use AMD chips, Pentiums are much faster`
`AOL is the best ISP`
`I need at least 512MB RAM`
`My format and reload after installing every POS software available on the web should be covered under warranty`

[ricco]

My neighbor who is a computer wizard had a look but he thinks that you've not installed it correctly (Not telling you they have re-formatted the hard driver nad put Dos 6.22 on it).
I don't know if you can help me, but Windows comes up with errors...I haven't touched anything.....
Loads more, but on the same length on funniness

[antonye]

"Hey, you work with computers..."

[LagMonster]

Originally posted by MacGyver:
I love it when they ask this one. I always reply with "You just did."

Originally posted by LPetrarca:
"Can I ask you a question?"



I never thought of that response...that was cool

[John Foster]

Can you sell me a licensed version of Windows 97?

Madness! Just madness. :confused:

[Chëëzmønkëy]

can i pick your brain a minute?
is this a good system?
HOW MUCH??
Do you sell copies of (x)
Do you deal with playstations?
No? well im going to waste the next half hour of your life telling you about my playstation then, asking you if youve played a whole load of sh1tty games youve never heard of!

[ZeroCool]

I don't need to place an helpdesk call i work for(NAME OF YOUR BOSS HERE) ....

By the way i will need a laptop in 30 minutes for so so presentation

There is no projector available why don't you just buy some spare ones... (Because they are 15K each you moron)

and so on and on and on

[Larommi]

Originally posted by 'The Doc':
Can you sell me a licensed version of Windows 97?

Madness! Just madness. :confused:

Hey, can't you just load windows? Do I "really" need to own it?

[Kyr0n]

Originally posted by window_washer:
Or how about the people who start describing the problem, and you IMMEDIATELY know what it is, but they WON'T STOP DESCRIBING IT NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

"I got a message saying I need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"Oh yeah, I've seen that before. It means you need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"Yes, and when I try to run an mpeg, it crashes."
"Yeah. You need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"And it won't play CD's either."
"Yeah. You need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"Do you think it could be a problem with my RAM?"
"No. I think you need to reinstall Windows Media Player."
"Because my cousin said he couldn't run his videos because he didn't have enough video RAM, so I thought that..."
"That's not the problem. YOU NEED TO REINSTALL WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER."
"So, downloading the movie again won't help?"
"REINSTALL THE *&^%$#@ PROGRAM, YOU BRAIN-CONSTIPATED PIECE OF @#$%^&*!!!!!!"
"Hey! You don't have to get mad! I was only asking for your advice..."

All while I have 17 urgent jobs on the bench waiting for me to get back to them...

This happens to me all to often

[alan brooksbank]

what time does the internet close??????

[pcejim@dol.net]

We have two racks of modems for a local isp in our front room. One is set up and functional, the other is just there untli the phone co. brings in the rest of their equipment. Had 3 customers this week ask if we were putting phone booths in our lobby.

Also, I just bought a new<insert best buy brnad here> computer and i cant get it set up. Could you help me.

Also, is the internet doen, i dont het no dial tone

[HIESLanMan]

Is the internet down? I can't check my mail.

You're probably not who I need to talk to about this, but...

I got this one yesterday - a coworker injured her back and was rearranging her desk (which was, of course, responsible for all her back problems). She wanted to know if I could move her computer, raise the desk up, add a keyboard shelf, move the wall back so she could stretch out her legs... Yeah, just let me get my skill saw. That is standard equipment for all of us, right?

[CJK]

I just tell people that I don't do home calls, even then they still don't get the picture. Then when I tell them how much I will charge they seem to disapear.

[n8dawg]

ok now i thats it.
a dam user (i work for the state) called me from home while she is sitting on her fat @$$ and asked if i could help her with a computer at her house.

WTF when did i become f()ckin home tech support :mad:

[Lycia]

"There's a right mouse button?"

"Can you hold on?" After I ask them to click on something, apparently it takes time to locate control panel and double click on it.

"How much would you charge to build a computer for me?" which is followed by "That much? Let me ask the wife/husband." which is then followed about 1 month later with "Hey, I got this Compaq/IBM/Dell/MICRON/Gateway and it wont boot(Or whatever). Can you take a look at it?"

[Joker1]

Originally posted by lycia69:
"There's a right mouse button?"

"Can you hold on?" After I ask them to click on something, apparently it takes time to locate control panel and double click on it.

"How much would you charge to build a computer for me?" which is followed by "That much? Let me ask the wife/husband." which is then followed about 1 month later with "Hey, I got this Compaq/IBM/Dell/MICRON/Gateway and it wont boot(Or whatever). Can you take a look at it?"

*pounds fist on desk while gasping*
It's true it's so true!

[Skatman]

Luckily i am not the only tech in the family, .. my uncle gets to field all those problems,... my questions are (because i am the family gamer)

How did you get this soandso game to work with....

Can you install this (insert game or program here), and why do i have to buy my own copy when you have one??

Oh i do get the occational Them:"Want to come over for dinner?" Me: "Sure!!" Them:"Good,... while your over here can you look at my computer?"

[Reality]

I work for the local college taking care of a few labs in and around the library and I get some funny ones from time to time.

"Can you take a look at my home computer?" --Sure 40.00 an hour :)

"Is what you do hard?" --Not if you know what you are doing.

"Can you teach me to...?" --It is true that this is a college, but I am not an instructor.

"Can you help me write my term paper?" --Sure the computer is right there. It has the catalog on it and easy access to the internet. Pre-selected quality sites are on the website.

"Where is the website?" --Right in front of you, its the homepage.

"Can you build me a website?" --Sure let me just put that on my calender for next century.

"Ever heard of...(Insert off the wall item or program here)? But I thought you knew about computers." --Last time I checked I do know about computers, but I don't know everything.

"Can I use a computer?" --I don't know can you?

"What is wrong with my computer?" --I don't know, I'm still sitting at my computer posting a message on windrivers.com's forums. However ESP tells me that you did something to the computer.

And the most common question I seem to ask is... Did you save that? Their reply is usually, "No can you fix it." As windows or Office 2k is throwing errors out the tailpipe.

[CobraTekMax]

"What do you actually DO here, besides sit in your office all day and play video games."

"Hey my computer at home is doing something weird. What's causing it?"

"If I buy a new E-Machine, would you come set it up for me."

"Why is there a picture of my wife naked on your desktop?"

[Sunstroke]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by LPetrarca:
[B]Just curious. What questions do users ask you most often?

ARe you a computer tech?

HOw long will it take?

Is my part in yet?

Can this thingie work with that thingie?

Do you fix/install (car stereos, washing machines, home entertainment centers)?

Why won't my game (Reader Rabbit etc) work?

Sunstroke.

[chip35]

It all seems so familiar to me, I've heard at least 3/4ths of them from customers. But by far my favorite (I've had this happen at least 10 times a year).
Customer calls:
Is my computer done yet?
(ok, how am I supposed to know)
My answer:
I don't know yet, can I have your name ?

I mean, really, how am I supposed to know. If you were my only customer, how would I stay in business.

[LongAgo]

Here's one.

Why doesn't might light switch work at home? Can you fix it?? :mad:

[Shinjatheninja]

"Sal! You have to fix this!" More of a demand than a question...

"Where's my thing? I can't get into (insert name of program) if I can't get to my thing!"

AAAHHH!!!!!!!
http://frontierhorizon.clanpages.com/forum/pi_mad.gif
Sometimes, it just makes me want to http://frontierhorizon.clanpages.com/forum/pi_cry.gif

[KINGofBLEH]

"Is the internet down?"

"Why am I not able to print?"

"Can I ask you a question/borrow you for a second/pick your brain?"

"Am I doing this right?" (I like this one because at least it leaves open the possibility that the user is doing it wrong).

"Do I HAVE to change my password?"

"Why do we have so many passwords?"

"What would you say you do here?" (from my boss, just like Office Space).

[plumwild_99]

<H2> What ! Why can't you fix VCR's you work on computers. Asked at least once a week... :mad: :mad: :eek:

[KamicarZ]

LOL Window Washer.
Most common ones I get are.
-Is that hard to install?
-In office how do I (Insert procedure which requires at least one component install)?
-In office how do I (Insert procedure which can be called off the pull down menu)?
-I could have done that. Why are you charging me $40?

[stepside1986]

Did ya ever get this one???

My Hard Drive Crashed, Can You Fix it?
I can look at it for you, what brand is it.
Its a (Maxel, sony, IBM, Fuji, Whatever)
Because they dont know the difference between
a Hard Disk Drive & a Floppy Disk Drive.

Also This (Whatever Program) Wont Run, it
says it only needs 32MB. I just upgraded to 20 Gigabyets... Duh, not even going there...

[Underseer]

Thankfully, I don't do support anymore, but when I did, the absolute most common question was:

User: "@$#%! Why the @$#$ did you change my $%@ password? I need to get some &@*# work done here!"

Me: "Change the state of your caps lock key."

User: "%$&#! Do you think I'm %$&@* stupid? It's not that! Stop @#*$& jerking me around and change my password back!"

Me: "Please humor me. Check your caps lock key."

User: "Oh." *click*

Fortunately, I worked for a small IT department. Since the people calling me were fellow employees rather than customers, and since they all knew about my twisted sense of humor, I got away with being mean to them on occasion. :p

User: "My computer's broke! Fix it!"

Me: "Ok, I know exactly what the problem is."

User: "But I didn't even tell you yet. How can you...."

Me: "Your computer needs a user upgrade."

User: "Huh?"

Me: "Yep. Replace the user with a better one and I can guarantee your computer will function properly."

User: "Shut uuuuuuuuup! Why are you always so mean to me?"

Me: "I'm mean to everyone. Don't think you're special."

Always remember the acronym PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair. :)

[Hound]

Originally posted by LPetrarca:
Yeah I get those too. They ask for your advice, you take the time to explain to them, in pain-staking detail, what they need to do, then they go off and do something that their neighbor told them to try. Then, when that doesn't work and the machine's totally screwed, they come back to you looking for more advice!

Yeh they do that because its easier than doing what you suggested.

:)

[Ebra]

My personal Favorite is "Its not my fault that virus is on my computer"

[newtec]

"I am just after your expert advice"

But it doesn't matter what you tell them they have a friend that is a "whiz" on computers. They make out you know nothing even though they want your "expert opinion"

They S__T me

[CASMAN]

My Favorite of all “ I keep getting this blue screen, How do I fix it???”
And on my NT4.0 Workstations “Can you fix my DEFRAG???

-------------------------------------------------
Many people, when they run into a telephone pole, blame the pole!
:D

[DJSEARCHING]

"I can't connect to the internet"."My father just worked on it"."What do you think"?"Dum de dum de dum,let me see".Go into control panel/network.Absolutely blank in network."well he's exercising parental control".

underseer,beautiful,I got to remember that one,"user upgrade". :D

[Bigdog632]

i like these
"what version of windows are you running?"
"6.0"
and
"i just formatted my hard drive did i lose my email?"(nice time to ask)
and
"my modem doesnt work""when i push the button it doesnt turn on, and the cd's wont come out"
or i got this error when im online that says my computer is not optimised to view the website" (the add on different websites

[Bigdog632]

oh i forgot one
"my monitor smells like it is burning can you fix it?"

[LiverpoolLad]

my most frequently asked question has got to be "Why doesn't my printer work?" to which I normally reply

"put some paper in it/Change the toner cartridge"

This has been happening now at least once a day for the past few weeks now and to be quite truthfrul is beginning to drive me CRAZY!!!!!.

[TeddyRuxspin]

As I work internal support I usually get a variation on the following:

Can you re-set my password?
I forgot my password can you re-set it?
I wasn't sure of my password so I tried 3 times and now im locked out, can you unlock it?

Or if they are talking about home I get the old...

I want to get the internet at home. What do you recomend?
I want a PC. I only need it for typing documents and email. What can I get for £1500 - £2000? (<--- 2000!!! Blooming plebs)

[jeffbrown]

What did you do? You just walk in here and it works, it don't like me......


Ahh, I weep for the future of industry, may the tech world flourish in StupidUserVille!

[jeffbrown]

how about when I send out a message

We need to reboot the server.

"Can you wait until I finish typing my document?"

No, we need to reboot

Why?

Because we need to, that is why

"Will you wait til I am done?"


(this one happened yesterday, she spent more time arguing than time it would have taken to reboot, sad sad..

My favorite question is one I ask

Why God, Why?

[Raijen]

I get this one at least once a week...

How do i switch this to landscape view in Excel?

Now, being one of two "Computer People" in the company i work for it IS part of my job description... but not to answer the SAME bloody question from the [B][I]SAME{/B}[/I} bloody person each week :eek:

[eenge99]

My all time favorite is the question asked after the user hosed it up real good:
"Oh, is that bad?"
and of course the evasive responses:
"It just stopped working, I didn't do anything; can you fix it?"
And if I hear this again I will scream in the client's face:
"I don't know nuthin' 'bout computers"
:mad:

[bfrau]

Lets see. I think my all time favorite is "I don't know what happened, it just quit working by itself, can you fix it?".
Of course, everyone of us gets this, "If I brought in my home computer can you take a look at it?". I've even had them ask me if I would come to their house on a Sunday and fix their computer.
I really like this one. "I bought a modem for my computer, where does it go?"

[]-[otRod]

" - can I get this for less somewhere else?"

thats probably my LEAST favorite, or how about

" - do you know where I can download (game or program) instead of paying the ($$) for it here?"

like Im the king of all Warez or something...

[ecartman]

Most common question:
Q:Where did you learn all this stuff?
A:I'm a genius.

2nd most common question:
Q:Why is my computer so slow?
A:Because it's only a 166 and you installed every stupid piece of crap shareware program ever created to make it worse. And how many friggin instant messeging programs do you really use anyway?

But not necessarily in those exact words.

[Kenny P.]

It has to be...

"Can I ask you a question?" - they just did.

"When is the outage (typically internet, sometimes voice mail on RS/6000) going to be over?"

"What's an OC-3 connection to the internet (155mb/s)"

Sheesh!

Ken

[talltech]

quote from lots of customers, I don't know anything about computers. Why th F*** are u using it then ?, in this day and age lack of basic computer skills in the work palce is no excuse for f'ups and time wasting.

christ my step dad can safely operate the internet, a some apps on his pc and he's only been using one for six moths.

joe average user should be shot.

[Fubarian]

Yea, I love the these -
me : hello [co. name] this is Jesse, how can I help you?
user : oh hi jeffy (we have someone named jeff)
me : no, no, this is Jesse
user : Effy? (yea, exactly, wtf)
me : NO J-E-S-S-E
user : oohhh!! Jeffy! :mad:

I kid you not, someone ACTUALLY CALLED ME EFFY!! How the F--- does that come out?!

blah blah blah - my comp won't work - blah blah blah, let me tell you what I did, {I'm a complete moron cause I went into dos and typed in del *.dll in the windows directory} :rolleyes:

[raptorGT]

My all-time favorite questions:

1) What's a keyboard? :eek:
2) How can I download my modem drivers? :p
3) When does the internet run out? :confused:
4) I can't find the internet in my computer, is it done downloading? :(
5) Can you see what I see?
6) What's this about windsocks? :o
7) (While working for an ISP) How do I install my ZIP drive? :mad:
8) Can you send someone to my house to fix it?
9) Is it done yet? :rolleyes:
10) What's a PIBCAK? :D

[Fubarian]

Another one I forgot
user : well, I could get this cheaper on the net!
me : probably - didn't you want this today though?
user : yea, I need it now.
me : :rolleyes: ok, this is what we have.
user : its 35 bucks cheaper at spankme.com!
me : ok, $65 + like 40 overnight shipping...and you STILL won't have it right now...

hehe, I love that...

[Chosen One]

The most common, "When will it be done". Sometimes I get that question several times a day, from the same person. They should realize, the more they call, the longer it's going to take for me to get to it. They don't realize that when I say it will take 2-3 days to get to and complete that if they call an hour after they drop it off that it's probably not done yet. My favorite is when there's bluescreen errors and the user asked what's causing it. I've accually told someone that was being a pain that it was a id10t error. They didn't get it, I didn't think they would, but isn't that the beauty, we can rip on customers to their face and they don't even know it. :p

[Ghost God]

I get the worst questions outside of work. The one that starts it all off is, "Oh, you know about these things?" I hate that, I don't do **** outside of work. I'm "low-tech" once I leave the damn office, leave me alone!

I really hate it when a close friend, or say my mother volunteers my tech skills to some person I don't know but they do. Give me a break, I'll tech my Mom's computer and some close friend's, but not every Joe Schmoe out there. ARGGHH!! :mad: :mad:

[computron99]

Usually i get this question:

"Is it possible to delete the history of were I've been on the internet(my marriage depends on it)?"

[Joker1]

Originally posted by bfrau:
"I bought a modem for my computer, where does it go?"

We'll...Either

Back to the store.

Or we can shine that sucker up real nice, turn it sideways and.....

[Sage]

Originally posted by 'Cobra':
"Why is there a picture of my wife naked on your desktop?"

HA HA HA HA HA. LOL.

"I need more ram, so my internet will download faster"

"Why does my computer keep crashing? I installed Norton System works! Its supposed to fix everything!"

"Are you sure that red light is supposed to be on?"

"My computer keeps locking up. I tried Defraging it, but it still wont work. Can you show me how to Defrag correctly?"

"You mean Windows isn't free?"

Whenever I read the posts on this board, I want to sit down and cry.

[hillbilly77]

I use to work at a Internet service. Here are some of my favorite ones:

Hey I just bought this here NASCAR and it wont install. It said it had internet support so I called you fellers.

Then there was this one lady who could reck a machine in under a week. I would take her wrecked machine and use it for months. As soon as she got another one she wrecked it again. She would ask do you think its me? DUH!!!!

MY favorite was Why isnt my Yahoo working? hey you own yahoo!! WOW!

Then theres this one lady that asked if I could put the Internet on a CD for her so she could take it home. When I told her I couldnt she repied that AOL does. I told her to get AOL then.

DO yall' sell type writers here? No what about paper? Sure 1.59 per pack of 100 sheets. (By the way she was drunk and fell on her way out the door).

Do you sell AOL here? Sure Ill sell you this 700 hour disk for 30 bucks.

Do you sell AOL here? No we are a independant ISP. Well how much is AOL? I dont know. She finaly after me explaining to her we are not AOL agrees to purchase 1 month. The next day she storms in saying i falsely sold here our access under AOL's name demanding her money back.
So the most frequently asked question I got was:

DO YOU SELL AOL? ARRRRRRRRGH!!

:confused:

[movieguru]

I always love these ones :)

I have a virus? How did i get that?


My computer won't boot it says ivalid system disk...why won't it boot??
IS THERE A FLOPPY DISK IN THE DRIVE???
yes
DOH!

Those are the main ones that come to mind right now :)

[silencio]

would you pull my finger?

[Wayward Clam]

-Do you sell computers?
-Do you buy computers?
-Do you repair computers?
-Do you upgrade computers?

-No, sir or madam, this is a mouse pad store. We sell mouse pads. All of these computers you see, the big Computer Renaissance sign above you, and the big "We Buy, Sell, Trade, and Service New and Used Computers!" sign are just for interior decor. If you want to buy a computer, you want next door, under the "Toronto Nail Design" sign. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :rolleyes:

[Oc-768]

I hate it when I meet someone new and who ever I am with says "Oh yeah by the way Nick works with computers..." The next thing I know some bozo is asking me questions about why his POS computer won't work. I hate that! GRRrrrrrrr! :mad:

[Fubarian]

I hate it when I meet someone new and who ever I am with says "Oh yeah by the way Nick works with computers..." The next thing I know some bozo is asking me questions about why his POS computer won't work. I hate that! GRRrrrrrrr!

Or how about family...thats even worse

[clascomp]

We are a small retail/service store, specializing in building custom computers for 6 years.

My first favorite is: What kind of computer should I buy, Dell or Gateway? :confused:


Next favorite is: Do you repair computers? Answer: No! All this stuff is set up so the kids have something to do after school! :mad:

[Hippie_Tech]

Question they usually ask is: "Can I pick your brain?" :cool:

[The Iceman]

Originally posted by LPetrarca:
Just curious. What questions do users ask you most often?

Mine, in no particular order are:

"Can I ask you a question?"

"My computer at home runs like crap. It used to work alright until my kid(s) downloaded (insert your POS software name here). If I bring it in, do you think you could take a look at it?" (Another survey question perhaps?)

And of course: "When you get a minute, could you come take a look at my computer?" To which I reply: "Sure! As soon as I clear this backlog of 30 tickets, I'll be there."

- "Can you download the internet onto a disk so I can take it home?"

- "My logon/password doesn't work"
"Is the caps lock on?"
"I have typed it in all capitalized before and it worked!"
"Uh... Ok."

- "My workstation has the Dr. Watson virus, can you fix it?"

[WindBlowzXP Professional]

Last 3 months im working in a computer shop there are the most frequently asked questions

Here are some:

How to get started? :confused:
Do i have a discount? :eek:
Where's the internet, its not working ? :mad:
So, i can type-type now?

[jmani]

Q: Why don't I have any e-mail...

A: I don't know, maybe nobody likes you

[jmani]

I ma sorry I forgot about my personal favorite question, I actually had a client ask me this....

How do I get the porn site to stop charging my credit card?

[LPetrarca]

Originally posted by ecartman:
2nd most common question:
Q:Why is my computer so slow?
A:Because it's only a 166 and you installed every stupid piece of crap shareware program ever created to make it worse. And how many friggin instant messeging programs do you really use anyway?

But not necessarily in those exact words.[/B]

To top it off, you reboot their machine to see what's going on and you find out they've got all kinds of s&*t in their startup folder. Outlook, Yahoo Instant Messenger, AIM, and who knows what else!

[OVERKILL]

My favourite is "What do you mean I only have 32MB of memory, I have 10 gigs!"

Or "Do I need to buy more gigs?"

A little off-topic but today, one of the tech students at the college managed to plug a PS/2 mouse into a PS/2 port with no recepticle, none at all, it was just an empty hole in the case, the mouse plug was pushed into the USB header, he just stuck it in and expected it to work, perhaps vicariously through the PS/2 port in the machine beside it. I got quite a kick out of it.

[Elbatcho]

"When you finish smoking I need to see you, but don't rush." These mean's "I need to see you asap with a stoopid issue, but I want you to be placidfied from the smoke first."

[jbar1]

Originally posted by Sowulo:
Me: Hello [enter name of business], this is Curt.
Caller: Hi. Do you fix computers?
Me: Rolling my eyes because my only listing in the phonebook is under "Computers, Service & Repair".....!!!! :(

I think this is also No.1 At our shop and lately we get a lot of.."This game wont run right, What do you think the problem is?" :D

[MacGyver]

"Have you got a moment?"

:mad: <h1>NO!!!!</h1> :mad:

[shamus]

Teacher: "Why can't any of my kids can print from the printer in our room?".
Yeah because someone (teacher)captured the one in the main office and it's printed off about three reams of useless internet sh*t!
By all means if it's not printing click 'print'about fifty times.
Teachers and students: "Why doesn't Netscape work?"
Me:"Are you logged on to the network?"
Teachers and students:"I don't have to at home." :rolleyes:

[protechpc]

Originally posted by Sowulo:
Me: Hello [enter name of business], this is Curt.
Caller: Hi. Do you fix computers?
Me: Rolling my eyes because my only listing in the phonebook is under "Computers, Service & Repair".....!!!! :(

Same stupid question. As well, I have a retail storefront with 2 BIG signs. One says COMPUTER REPAIRS and the other COMPUTER UPGRADES. Inside - labor prices, services provided etc. and invariably I will have a "customer" walk in PAST THE SIGNS and ask "Do you repair computers?"

The second STUPID question most often asked is the typical "My computer is (choose) slow, old, won't come up, dead, has some kind of error, (ends with) can you fix it and how much is it going to cost me. Of course, I politely explain that "probably" worst case, about $100 to $150 dollars, which, of course, they reply .... I might as well buy a new computer. FOR $150????????

[cyberhh]

Can you fix the internet?

I forgot my password, do you know it?

Can you change my toner?

[LPetrarca]

Originally posted by MacGyver:
"Have you got a moment?"

:mad: <h1>NO!!!!</h1> :mad:

Hey MacGyver! Nice avatrar!

[MacGyver]

Originally posted by LPetrarca:
Hey MacGyver! Nice avatrar!

Oh that reminds me of another FAQ: "How do you get the picture under your name?"

Thanks, BTW. I thought I should change it from the old Canadian Flag before JvaGuy tried to tie-dye it, and created a travesty against the sacred symbol of my homeland :eek:

Besides I had the same avatar for like 1500 posts. I figured it was time for a change.

[DJSEARCHING]

I haven't seen this one,but I'm sure you heard it."I have a zip drive,but the program I just down loaded still won't open.Why"? :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[sdrawkcab]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by window_washer:
Or how about the people who start describing the problem, and you IMMEDIATELY know what it is, but they WON'T STOP DESCRIBING IT NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.[QUOTE]

Spring time in the Midwest is here, along with thunderstorms...
"My modem says no dial tone."
Yeah it got fried in a thunderstorm... $29 for a new one.
"So, you think my modem is fried?"
Yes.
"But it says no dial tone."
I know it does, just like the 30 others in the back room.
"You think it's my phone line?"
No, your modem is fried.
"How can that happen?"
Ummm... Big lightning, bringum big 'lectricity, poundum hell outta modem input.
"Hmm, so should I call the phone company, about my dial tone?"
Absolutely, you should go do that now sir.
:)

[Smoothtalker35]

My all time favorite,

"Can I install Windows 95/98/Me/2000 on my computer?"

"What kind of computer do you have?"

"I think it's a 386. I've had it for about 7 or 8 years"

"Sure give it a try. If it works let me know" :rolleyes:

[WildTech]

:rolleyes: Those are all good guys, but my absolute favorite is one that I hear at least ten times a week.

Me: "The price of this system is $1250.00".

Customer: "Can you come down any on that price???"

[ilovetheusers]

Can you tell me what my password is, I forgot.

Why is my computer so slow - are you guys doing something today?

Did you guys do something to my account I can't get in (user locked themselves out by typing the wrong thing).

Why do you have me reboot my computer all the time - don't you guys ever help people with their problems.

[AmeriDan]

I work for an ISP and one of my ex-co-workers asked "How much does it cost to email Japan?".

It's all meatware problems guys and gals......

[JungleMan1]

(frantic) "I was using Napster and it said I performed an illegal operation. Are the police going to come after me?"

And my all-time favorite...
"I have a warning here that says my internet connection is not optimized and that I need to download InternetBOOST 99. I clicked the X and it won't close out." (it is an ad banner that looks like a dialog box)

[JungleMan1]

Originally posted by Sage:
HA HA HA HA HA. LOL.

"I need more ram, so my internet will download faster"

"Why does my computer keep crashing? I installed Norton System works! Its supposed to fix everything!"

"Are you sure that red light is supposed to be on?"

"My computer keeps locking up. I tried Defraging it, but it still wont work. Can you show me how to Defrag correctly?"

"You mean Windows isn't free?"

Whenever I read the posts on this board, I want to sit down and cry.

Dumb computer users at their finest. The first one is the most typical one I get. The second one is just classic computer user naivete.

What board? WinDrivers? Or do you mean the posts on this thread?

[HIESLanMan]

Here's my favorite: after I've logged into a workstation to fix something, the username comes up as 'admin' when the user logs back in, and I get 'my user name has changed to admin. Can you give me the administrator password?' Yeah, sure! And here's my credit card number, and the keys to my house!

[tiffin_tom]

And my all-time favorite...
"I have a warning here that says my internet connection is not optimized and that I need to download InternetBOOST 99. I clicked the X and it won't close out." (it is an ad banner that looks like a dialog box)

--------------------



I've heard that one more than once!

How many times have you had a customer with a dead hard drive and you ask them to bring in their backup so you can restore their data and they say, "Backup? What do you mean I lost all my data?"

"I brought my computer in last week. Is it done yet?" - Customer that brings in computer just before close of business on Friday and calls first thing Monday morning to see if it's done.

"What do you mean that it's not covered under warranty?"

"...but my son/brother/neighbor knows all about computers and said it was this. Did you check soandso?"

Hard drive developed bad sectors or customer got a virus - "How did that happen?"

We are a computer service shop and don't run an ISP, but soooo many times we'll have dial-up Internet users call in and complain they can't connect to the Internet/get their e-mail with a modem we put in or a computer they bought from us....usually find out that their service was down that morning.

Customer buys component(s) to upgrade their computer themselves...Hours, days, and even weeks go by....

Then

"What do I need to do to install..."

Hmmmm.... better bring it in to let us install that for you

Customer: "How much?"
That will be $50-$100 to install and check to make sure it's all setup OK.

"That much?!?!? I'll have my computer expert friend install it!"

[Pogi]

Had a customer ask me if the larger hard drive I put in her computer would make the internet "run faster".

?????????

[LPetrarca]

Originally posted by Pogi:
Had a customer ask me if the larger hard drive I put in her computer would make the internet "run faster".

?????????

Had one ask me if her new 17" monitor would make her computer run faster? Duh.......!

[KCroom]

just started a new job here but at my last one somehow about 50% of the time it would be, "Oh that bad but can you save my pictures?" < ie my nine gigs of downloaded porn must be saved.>

[MacGyver]

Originally posted by KCroom:
<STRONG>just started a new job here but at my last one somehow about 50% of the time it would be, "Oh that bad but can you save my pictures?" < ie my nine gigs of downloaded porn must be saved.></STRONG>

Then the really funny thing to say is "No I can't, however I can refer you to a professional data recovery service that can for somewhere between, oh, $500 and $3000 !!!

http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/cwm/big/disturbed.gif

[macg]

One of my least favorite questions is:

"HEY-can you do me a favor?"
<IMG SRC="smilies/confused.gif" border="0">

[snooper2]

one of my favorites is
them: do you work here?
me: no i just like waring the name tag
<IMG SRC="smilies/eek.gif" border="0">

[corelogik]

I have heard all of these at somepoint,. they are all great. The one that I love the bst though is ,. "I lost my [insert name here] CD and manual,. can you just use yours to install it for me?" I say no,. then get asked "why?" Oh,. i dont know,. Its Illegal, um I lose money, pick your response,.

This has got to be the only industry that I know of where the customer buys the product, and then expects everything else to be free forever, including repairs.

Gotta love the users and customers though, they keep my bills paid and my savings account growing.

[kennethstarrfp]

Originally posted by Larommi:
<STRONG>My 12 year old son knows everything about computers, can you hire him?</STRONG>

You can hire ME, I am 15, will work for peanuts, (people call me a tech monkey). Though I don't know everything about computers.

[kennethstarrfp]

Originally posted by 'Cobra':
<STRONG>"What do you actually DO here, besides sit in your office all day and play video games."</STRONG>

That pisses me off SO much, kids come up to me and ask "What game are you playing? Can I play with you". Yes you can, do you know how to play 'fix the computer'. They reply, "Yes". I ask "How much voltage does a Pentium 1 run off"? They reply, "50v". So I laugh my arse off except if anything goes wrong they blame it on me the technician, but not the dumb-*** kid after me who turns it off in the MIDDLE OF F**KING WINDOWS!

<RANT>JUST BECAUSE I AM ON A F**KING COMPUTER DOES NOT MEAN I AM PLAYING F**KING GAMES A$$HOLE!</RANT>

They all think I don't DO anything, or they think I shouldn't be doing what I have to. Back when I did computer class something would sometimes happen so I call the other tech over, he throws me a screw driver and I take apart the computer in full view of the computer class who are $hiting themselves while the other tech throws me a $100 hard drive. I put it in and throw the screwdriver and hard drive back. Everything works yet they still don't have respect for me!
<IMG SRC="smilies/mad.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/mad.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/mad.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/mad.gif" border="0">