Rules Of The....

[ßracius]

South
A friend of mine is going to be visiting the South in a few weeks. So I felt that he needed instructions for outsiders when visiting the South:
1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at the Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your butt.

2. Don't laugh at our Southern names like Billy Joe, Luther Ray, Bubba, Junior, Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Tammy Lynn, Sissy, etc. These people have all been known to kick butt.

3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying flip whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to a butt kicking.

4. Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your butt.

5. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut your mouth, spend your money, and get the heck out of here -- or we'll kick your butt.

6. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your butt.

7. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your butt kicked.

8. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a flip. Many of us have visited hell holes like Detroit, Chicago, LA, New York and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your Yankee butt home before it gets kicked.

9. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your butt.

10. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your butt all the way back into Boston Harbor.

11. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am," hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little grey-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your butt just like they did ours.

12. So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime- infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your butt.

13. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your butt.

14. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your butt.

15. So what if some of our family trees don't branch. We don't have two heads and we don't walk like Californians or New Yorkers. If you joke about our families, we'll kick your butt all the way back to New York.

16. Our blue collar workers are proud of their jobs. So if you see diplomas on their walls with "Trucking Institute" on them, you better not laugh or she'll kick your butt.

17. We've heard every redneck joke there is. In fact, we invented them. And no, we don't go to family reunions to pick up babes. So don't try to make us laugh with your jokes or the rednecks will stick a moon pie up your butt and make you sing Dixie.

18. We are proud of our belt buckles. In some cases it's our only form of ID. So if you make fun of it, you'll have it branded on your butt.

19. Yes, we still ride horses to get around some parts. If we see you staring at us like you've never seen a horse before, we'll get the horse to kick your butt.

20. Don't be alarmed when you see a gun rack in the back of a truck window. It's legal in the south and it keeps the crime rate down. If they see you pointing at it and talking about the movie "Easy Rider," you'll get your butt shot off.

21. If by some freak of nature it snows while you're here, do not attempt to drive on the roads with a bunch of Southerners. The only ice we're familiar with is bought at 7/11 and used for our fish and bait. If you get your butt kicked on the road, it's your own stupid fault.

22. If you get caught speeding in a small town, don't expect to be leaving any time soon. The sheriffs are usually bored and don't get to drive BMWs very often. So while you're talking with the judge, they'll be driving your car. If you complain about it, they will kick your Yankee butt.

23. If you hear a bunch of southerners start getting rowdy and saying "Yeeee-hawwww" then it's best to stay away. If they see you in your oxford shirts watching them, then you're only asking to get your Yankee butt kicked.

24. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way or they will kick your butt. This is what they live for.

25. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not ask them if they have Pierre water, or they will kick your butt.

26. Remember "ya'll" is singular, "All ya'll" is plural, and "All ya'll's" is plural possessive. If you don't say it right everyone will know you're a Yankee and kick your butt.

27. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?" If you lie, they will know and your butt will be red.

28. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'" as in "big ol' truck." Most Northerners begin their new Southern-influenced dialect this way. If you try to deny it they will kick your big ol' butt.

29. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook Barbecue. This will get your butt shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Question our sacred BBQ, and you go home in a pine box-minus your butt.

PS - Florida is *not* considered a southern state. There are way too many Yankees living down there and the south has disowned them. So none of these rules apply if you go there.

Now, ya'll have a nice day, ya' hear?

[Spaceman Spiff]

Isn't everywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line considered Alabama? Just curious... :D

[[NeoZeeD]]

lol

im afraid of southern people i heard they are crazy and they make you sqaure dance with them till your feet start bleeding.

j/k

:D

[Lt. Cmdr. DaTaMan]

[quote]Originally posted by Spaceman Spiff:
<strong>Isn't everywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line considered Alabama? Just curious... :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

I resemble that remark....

btw, making fun of Alabama will get your butt kicked...

AMEN Bracius

[Poseidon]

[quote]Originally posted by Spaceman Spiff:
<strong>Isn't everywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line considered Alabama? Just curious... :D </strong><hr></blockquote>


Either Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi or Tennessee
:D

[*SlyVenom*]

Sounds like the south is a lot like northern Wisconsin, minus the irratating Drawl...

[cc_penguin]

[quote]Originally posted by SlyVenom:
<strong>Sounds like the south is a lot like northern Wisconsin, minus the irratating Drawl...</strong><hr></blockquote>

Now U tell me whuts wrong wit da way we talk dowyun heeeyure??? :D :D :D

[ßracius]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE HAW! Time for some yellowbelly, tea drinkin', foreign beer drinkin', Yankieeee butt whoopin'. Time to open a can of whoop a$s!

[[NeoZeeD]]

hmmmm

in chicago we dont open a can of woops @ss

we just pull out a glock and shove a cap up yo @ss.

:D :p :D

[ßracius]

Buw ha ha ha ha ha, That's funny too! Of couse we don't romp around the back end of men! :p

[geeksRus]

is it true that a Texan is just a Mexican on his way to Oklahoma?

[ßracius]

When in the h3ll would you go to Oklahoma? All that's in Oklahoma is 6 telephone poles, a gas station, and a bunch of drunk Sooners

[flyboy747]

[quote]Originally posted by Bracius:
<strong>
3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying flip whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to a butt kicking.

24. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way or they will kick your butt. This is what they live for.

26. Remember "ya'll" is singular, "All ya'll" is plural, and "All ya'll's" is plural possessive. If you don't say it right everyone will know you're a Yankee and kick your butt.
</strong><hr></blockquote>

LOL!

Those are so true. I love living in the south. Some of my dad's family are yanks and we go up to see them sometimes, and while they don't live too far north (W. Virginia and around in those parts), them asking us if we want any pop always bugs me so much.

[Renée]

[quote]...stick a moon pie up your butt and make you sing Dixie...<hr></blockquote>

DUDE! That's a total waste of a perfectly good Moon Pie!!!!!

[quote] If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way or they will kick your butt. This is what they live for.<hr></blockquote>

Ohhhhhh yeah. Love those boys. Used their services a couple of times myself.

[quote]Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook Barbecue. This will get your butt shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Question our sacred BBQ, and you go home in a pine box-minus your butt. <hr></blockquote>

Y'all should live in NC, the HOME of chopped up piggy meat. There are debates among the locals as to whether Eastern or Lexington style barbeque is better. I, myself, like Lexington style. :D

[*SlyVenom*]

[quote]Originally posted by cc_penguin:
<strong>

Now U tell me whuts wrong wit da way we talk dowyun heeeyure??? :D :D :D </strong><hr></blockquote>


Same thing with the way the hicks talk up here, same thing with the way the gang banger wanna-bee's talk. I believe if you're educated then you should reflect it in your speech.

I’m not making fun of accents, don’t get me wrong. :D

[*SlyVenom*]

[quote]Originally posted by Bracius:
<strong>YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE HAW! Time for some yellowbelly, tea drinkin', foreign beer drinkin', Yankieeee butt whoopin'. Time to open a can of whoop a$s!</strong><hr></blockquote>


And what's wrong with foreign beer?

[ßracius]

Nothing really, actually I like a pint of Guinness. THAT'S beside the point, Ya'll Yankieeees are getting a good ole' southern butt whoopin you bunch of.....................yankies :D

[Spaceman Spiff]

[quote]Originally posted by Renée:
<strong>

Y'all should live in NC, the HOME of chopped up piggy meat. There are debates among the locals as to whether Eastern or Lexington style barbeque is better. I, myself, like Lexington style. :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

I lived in Houston for four years. In all seriousness, that was some good eatin' while I was there. I do love that Southern cookin'... frog's legs included... http://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gif

[cc_penguin]

[quote]Originally posted by Renée:
<strong>

Y'all should live in NC, the HOME of chopped up piggy meat. There are debates among the locals as to whether Eastern or Lexington style barbeque is better. I, myself, like Lexington style. :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

Our company is catered by Ron's Barbecue quite often, yes, seriously!!!

[Sowulo]

[quote]Originally posted by Spaceman Spiff:
<strong>

I lived in Houston for four years. In all seriousness, that was some good eatin' while I was there. I do love that Southern cookin'... frog's legs included... http://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gif</strong><hr></blockquote>

LOL. Doc Hopper's was here http://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gifhttp://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gifhttp://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gif
http://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gifhttp://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gifhttp://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gif

[Renée]

[quote]Originally posted by Spaceman Spiff:
<strong>...I do love that Southern cookin'... frog's legs included... http://www.plaudersmilies.de/bounce.gif</strong><hr></blockquote>

Yeah, but there ain't hardly no meat on them thangs. How many you got ta eat 'fore you feel full? I ain't never had 'em but once myself. It's true they taste a lot like chicken.

[ßracius]

Well if you get a big honker like this http://my.athenet.net/~denij/Kermit.JPG then it's dinner. If you get a little dude http://my.athenet.net/~denij/babykermit.JPG then yeah, it's slim eatin'

[EvilCabbage]

just one question..

what the hell are 'grits'?

[Mr. Pickles]

I find it funny that "Southerners" still refer to "Northerners" as Yankees.

I've never heard of a reference to Confederates while living "up here". But then again, we won the war.

:)

[Sowulo]

[quote]Originally posted by EvilCabbage:
<strong>just one question..

what the hell are 'grits'?</strong><hr></blockquote>

Course ground corn.

[*SlyVenom*]

[quote]Originally posted by EvilCabbage:
<strong>just one question..

what the hell are 'grits'?</strong><hr></blockquote>

Something you don't wanna eat unless you were raised on it,
kinda like oatmeal made outa corn, truly nasty stuff..

[[NeoZeeD]]

3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying flip whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to a butt kicking.

i was raised in the city and when i go to resturants i always reffered to it as coke too, but at the resturant they would be like, im sorry is pepsie ok? or , is RC ok? . and i would be like whats the difference, just give me coke.


i did live in virginia for six months if that counts, but i lived in virginia beach

now im back home in good ole Chicago

[ßracius]

Should I post the rules for Texas? That would be fun too!

[Major Kong]

A note to all. Because of the political correct nature of the USA. The term Mason-Dixon Line no longer refers to North of Maryland or South of Pennsylvania. It is now North of Tennessee and South of Virginia. Florida is excluded. As a native Virginian I have seen the Commonwealth transformed from a Southern State, to a Southeastern State and now it's referred to as a Middle Atlantic State! I find this somewhat amusing considering that the Cracker Barrel is still the #1 Breakfast joint in VA, grits are still served with eggs throughout the state and west of the Blue Ridge, Appalachian (a southern mountain dialect that I speak fluently) is the #1 language!
:D

[ßracius]

To all Ya'll northerners let me explain why Florida is not considered a southern state. Back in 1956 the Southern states held a poll asking a simple question: Is (the state) a Southern or Northen state in the eyes of it's citizens. Well needless to say Flordia vote was punched in between "Yes" and "No". The rest of the states asked for a recount for Florida but again it resulted in a mispunched vote. We asked for a third time but to this day they are still recounting. That's the story and to this day they still have a recount going on.

[FastAndFurious]

[quote]Originally posted by Bracius:
<strong>

3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying flip whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to a butt kicking. </strong><hr></blockquote>


I do always say "coke" because thats what I want, not pepsi or anything else. I have never in real life had someone ask me if I wanted "pop" that just sounds weird.

[quote]Originally posted by Bracius:
<strong>5. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut your mouth, spend your money, and get the heck out of here -- or we'll kick your butt.</strong><hr></blockquote>


I hear people bi#cn' about that all the time, "How can you wear those long pants, the humidity is so high!!!" what the h3ll does that mean?

[quote]Originally posted by Bracius:
<strong>8. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a flip. Many of us have visited hell holes like Detroit, Chicago, LA, New York and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your Yankee butt home before it gets kicked. </strong><hr></blockquote>


My girlfriend did that constently. It truly upsetted me. One of the things that pissed me off the most was her takling about Christmas, "I hate Christmas down here, its sooo fake. It shouldn't be 70 deg outside, its just not a true Christmas." I had to talk to her a few times before she realized that I was serious when I asked her to stop.

[quote]Originally posted by Bracius:
<strong>21. If by some freak of nature it snows while you're here, do not attempt to drive on the roads with a bunch of Southerners. The only ice we're familiar with is bought at 7/11 and used for our fish and bait. If you get your butt kicked on the road, it's your own stupid fault. </strong><hr></blockquote>


My parents have a picture they took in like 1975 of snow on thier front yard in the morning, The only time it snowed in Naples FL, They said that it lasted about an hour and then when the sun came up it melted away. Last year just after Christmas My whole family flew (Mom, Dad, Me, Younger Sister, Yonger Brother) to Canada. First time flying for me, my bro and sis; and the first time we saw snow.

[quote]Originally posted by Bracius:
<strong>PS - Florida is *not* considered a southern state. There are way too many Yankees living down there and the south has disowned them. So none of these rules apply if you go there.
</strong><hr></blockquote>

Thank god for that. I hope that we are not considered northeren either. I have seen the people form both "sides", and neither is something I would like to be classified as. :mad:

As you can see, I feel strongly about this subject, I am not reacting the joke that Bracius posted, I thought it was very funnie, some of the above subject have come up in real life and that is want I am ranting about.

[Mayet]

[quote]24. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way or they will kick your butt. This is what they live for.<hr></blockquote>

Hey we have the same service in the bush here in Australia.....'cept they all look and act like the crocodile hunter's twin brother.....

:D :D

[IT Len]

After living in Dallas for almost ten years, I've got to add one...

Never go in to a any bar where "two-steppin'" is going on and say words like "marvelous" and "fabulous,"....

I'm proud to say that after a while, the locals in the DFW area knew I wasn't from around there, but kept asking me, "y'all from Amarillo?" [BTW, that's pronounced "Amarilla!"]

[Kymera]

I noticed an awful lot of New York bashing going on in dem dar comments. We only need one rule in NYC and that is :
Mind your own FREAKIN' business or we'll drop your body in the Meadowlands.
and some other things . . .
There is no whittlin' requirement for grammar school. You aren't judged as a man based upon how far you can spit your chawin' tabbaky. You don't have to prepare your own meat or bread products. You don't have to share your home with a variety of woodland and/or grassland creatures, and dat dere new-fangled electricity and indoor plumming is all over the place.
There is one downside however, you will have to learn to walk, as moseying down the street will get you shot.

[Renée]

[quote]Originally posted by Capt. O:
<strong>...But then again, we won the war.</strong><hr></blockquote>

And it really is true that there is a small number of rural-minded individuals who haven't accepted that fact!! Sad, yes....sad, but true. And no legal way I know of to get rid of 'em, either.

[Gameguru]

Just thought that I would put in my 2¢. This is a pic of my and my friend’s truck.(mine is on the right) We regularly pulled out people who “thought they could make it” in the snow when I was in New Mexico. With all this snow here in South Carolina that we just had, I was having a blast downtown watching people slide all over the place. I even got to tow a cop car to a body shop because he had skidded and hit a curb. I’m originally from Georgia and I’ve been all over the world and I have to say that I love the south more than any other place. If you ever get stuck…..you know who to call!

http://home.sc.rr.com/gameguru/truck2.jpg

[[NeoZeeD]]

kool truck, i dream one day having a stronger engine truck and adding a lift kit and bigger wheels.

then in traffic jams i can run over all the other cars :D


hopefully soon i will have a big truck till then i dream

[Gameguru]

I can honestly say that I've NEVER had to deal with road rage while driving my truck! It must be the color.

[Renée]

[quote]Originally posted by Gameguru:
<strong>Just thought that I would put in my 2¢. This is a pic of my and my friend’s truck.(mine is on the right) We regularly pulled out people who “thought they could make it” in the snow when I was in New Mexico. With all this snow here in South Carolina that we just had, I was having a blast downtown watching people slide all over the place. I even got to tow a cop car to a body shop because he had skidded and hit a curb. I’m originally from Georgia and I’ve been all over the world and I have to say that I love the south more than any other place. If you ever get stuck…..you know who to call!</strong><hr></blockquote>

Awwwwwwww yeeeeahhhhhh!! Hey, it was one of your brothers of truckness who pulled out me AND the cop who stopped to help me AND the other cop who stopped to help him about five years ago. Rescued us all from the icy crevice we were in. Guys like you rock. May I say thanks from all of us who drive Hondas in the south. :)

[Draggar]

[quote]Originally posted by Kymera:
<strong>I noticed an awful lot of New York bashing going on in dem dar comments. We only need one rule in NYC and that is :
Mind your own FREAKIN' business or we'll drop your body in the Meadowlands.
</strong><hr></blockquote>

Sounds more like North Jersey...

Well, most of them work, eat, and think NYC. Maybe its all the same...


Of course, New Hampshire's new state motto is "Leave us alone"...

[Draggar]

[quote]Originally posted by Gameguru:
<strong>Just thought that I would put in my 2¢. This is a pic of my and my friend’s truck.(mine is on the right) We regularly pulled out people who “thought they could make it” in the snow when I was in New Mexico. With all this snow here in South Carolina that we just had, I was having a blast downtown watching people slide all over the place. I even got to tow a cop car to a body shop because he had skidded and hit a curb. I’m originally from Georgia and I’ve been all over the world and I have to say that I love the south more than any other place. If you ever get stuck…..you know who to call!
</strong><hr></blockquote>

And they've never had a New England or Mid-West winter.
THATS A LOT OF SNOW!!!!

(And the scare thing is it happens EVERY year, and people STILL don't know how to drive in it!)

[ßracius]

[quote]Originally posted by Gameguru:
<strong>Just thought that I would put in my 2¢. This is a pic of my and my friend’s truck.(mine is on the right) We regularly pulled out people who “thought they could make it” in the snow when I was in New Mexico. With all this snow here in South Carolina that we just had, I was having a blast downtown watching people slide all over the place. I even got to tow a cop car to a body shop because he had skidded and hit a curb. I’m originally from Georgia and I’ve been all over the world and I have to say that I love the south more than any other place. If you ever get stuck…..you know who to call!

http://home.sc.rr.com/gameguru/truck2.jpg</strong><hr></blockquote>

Now THAT is a truck! Not the little Nissans you see zipping around but a huge azz RAM with 6 inch lifts and such. Just add the "Your from New York city! Get a rope!" ;) Kidding Kymera.

[Outcoded]

You missed 30: You will get your butt kicked.

[quote]Originally posted by Gameguru:
<strong>
http://home.sc.rr.com/gameguru/truck2.jpg</strong><hr></blockquote>

You know there's a saying over here about men with large vehicles owning then to make up for other areas. ;)

I drive a Fiat Panda... draw your own conclusions. :D

I was going to do the rules of Northern England, but I already did it at the start of this post.

[Gameguru]

I'm definitely not trying to make up for anything.....

My tag says it all.


http://home.sc.rr.com/gameguru/tag.jpg


Size Matters

[ßracius]

[quote]Originally posted by Gameguru:
<strong>I'm definitely not trying to make up for anything.....

My tag says it all.


http://home.sc.rr.com/gameguru/tag.jpg


Size Matters</strong><hr></blockquote>

I forgot to menton that everything in TEXAS is BIG. That applies to everything, including egos! :p ;) :D

[Outcoded]

[quote]Originally posted by Gameguru:
<strong>I'm definitely not trying to make up for anything.....

My tag says it all.


http://home.sc.rr.com/gameguru/tag.jpg


Size Matters</strong><hr></blockquote>

Sounds like it matters a little too much to you. Paging Dr Freud... :D

By the way, Gameguru, you left you prosthetic in shot, it's proped up against the back of the truck.

No offence m8, just having a laugh ;)