you probably need a new computer

I’m having one of those months where everybody wants their old computer to do the latest greatest stuff. But they don’t want to spend any more then a hundred bucks for the upgrades.

Along the lines off Jeff Foxworthy’s you might be a redneck, I’ve been thinking of posting a big new sign in my store.

If you’re trying to install IE 6 or AOL 9 on a computer with Windows 95, you probably need a new computer.

If you’re trying to install Windows XP on that PII 300 with 32 MB RAM, you probably need a new computer.

If you’re trying to play Unreal Tournament on a computer that originally came with Windows 3.1, you probably need a new computer.

If you’re trying to install a new multifunction printer on a Pentium 133, you probably need a new computer.

If you bought a computer for $499.00, including monitor, from Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving, and you’re trying to do anything with it, you probably need a new computer.

If you’re trying to add a 128 MB 8X AGP card to a Compaq, you probably need a new computer.

If you’re trying to edit video on a computer with Windows 95, you probably need a new computer.

If you’re still trying to find 5 ¼ floppies to back up, you probably need a new computer.


Maybe there’s already been a thread like this.
Most of these are real, just this month.
I was wondering if anybody else was seeing a lot of this?
It would be great if you had anything to add………..

Tired techs unite!
:knife:

If you're trying to download a song off Kazaa, while also burning a cd , while installing WeatherBug, SaveNow, NewDotNet, and Clock Sync, while previously having installed Date Manager, Search Bar, and Precision Time, all on an AOL dial up connection, with McAfee version 4.0.3, and Norton running in the background, on a Compaq, with 64 megs of memory, w/Windows 98 First Edition, (not only are you one of many of my customers), but you do not need a new computer!!!! You need an abacus and a set of 8 Crayola Crayons. But, being the guy I am, I will sell you that new computer. And in that overpriced computer, plus a hefty service call, I will attempt to impart some knowledge. https://forums.windrivers.com/images.../2005/03/1.gif

To sumerise then:

If you dont know what "it" is or bought it as a bargain,sale item,end of stock,clearence item,special deal,"good" price,seconhand,from an advertisement,boot sale, "friend",you type "win" to start it or before the last ice age you need a new computer.

If you bring me yer computer for help and, I see that not one original screw is still in it and the case cover is screwed on all wrong overlapping the front panel,and something is clunking inside because YES you said to the son its ok to take the harddrive out for whatever reason. And then I find it and the other harddrive rolling around the inside of the case.Then ya its time for a new computer

Harddrives are sooooooo cool when they CLUNK
:thumbs:

If you are looking for 30 pin simms to speed up your computer, you're upgrading your 14.4 speed modem, your cd-rom was made by Wearnes, you need a new bus mouse, your hard drive isn't large enough for fat32, your monitor can display 16 different colors ALL at the same time, you are looking for a math coprocessor or Dr. Dos needs to be reinstalled it is probably time for a new computer.

If you have a system that has the word eMachines on it, then it's time for a new computer.

If your computer is old and you are looking for an upgrade, call me and I will sell you a new computer. ;)

if you are checking your games to make sure they are Glide compatible...you need a new computer

If your hard disk holds less data than a CD does, it's time for a new computer.

If you buy a new addon card and can't find a slot small enough, its time for a new computer

If you have to wait for the C: prompt before switching off, it's time for a new computer.

when you find a "power vr card" , and fitting it improves the systen


freddy

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I'll forgive you the computer, but please, please buy a new printer.

I was there today, waiting for the damn thing to print 30 pages :rolleyes:

If you're loading King's Quest 1 and your computer says 'Not enough virtual memory', it's time for a new computer.



I hope no one needs an explanation, but if so just ask me.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by [NuB]Quint

If you're loading King's Quest 1 and your computer says 'Not enough virtual memory', it's time for a new computer.



I hope no one needs an explanation, but if so just ask me.

---

Go on , do explain please :devil:

if you periodically have to use a pencil eraser on the bus connector to the hard drive controller...you need a new computer.

Bloody Hell its Packard Bell - you need a new computer

If you keep resurecting old posts you need to sell your computer :D:D

If you are looking for programs that are OS/2 compatiable, you might need a new computer.


If you are looking to install a new CD drive into a machine that never had one, sience you bought it new.


if your mouse has one button


If your OS is older then yourself

If your computer case is as yellow as mustard, you probably need a new computer.

If your keyboard has less than 101 keys...
If your monitor has a 0.39+ dot pitch...
If you have an Ad-Lib sound card...
If you have a 9-pin dot matrix printer...

If you bought it from known terrorist's for 25 buck's because it's a p4
with 1 gig of memory...but there's a strange ticking noise.

:devil:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MacGyver

If your computer case is as yellow as mustard, you probably need a new computer.

If your keyboard has less than 101 keys...
If your monitor has a 0.39+ dot pitch...
If you have an Ad-Lib sound card...
If you have a 9-pin dot matrix printer...

---

I'm trying to remember how many pins our remote printers have.....either 7 or 9, I think.

If your computer contains the workd "Packard" anywhere within its name, you probably need a new computer!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FatalException0E

I'm trying to remember how many pins our remote printers have.....either 7 or 9, I think.

---

9

Dot Matrix come in a 9 or 24 pin configuration.

If your computer came with 12 free months of AOL or MSN online, and you actually signed up for it, you probably need a new computer!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 3fingersalute

9

Dot Matrix come in a 9 or 24 pin configuration.

---

Well, these are point of sale stuff, so its a bit different....or maybe not. They do indeed have 9 pins, even the brand new ones :D

If you're trying to get a bigger hard drive, but have to find somebody who still sells 2GB drives, because that's all your BIOS supports...

If maintaining your computer requires a degree in electrical engineering and a good soldering iron...

If its raining in Guadal-hara - you won't need a new computer but an umbrella would be handy..... :thumbs:

I have been around for quite a while, but I'm glad to see this thread enjoyed a long life. I think I'll resurect it with one I got today, just for old times sake.

Guy comes in today and asks "Do you have an svideo cable to make my printer work on my computer?" (old mac printer--used pc from yard sale)

You probably need.........

I went on a call last night, the guy said he needed some upgrades. Turns out, he was still running Windows 95, and IE4, and was having problems accessing a lot of sites - go figure.

I explained to him that his machine was way beyond upgrading anymore, and helped him sit down and order a new little Dell system.

Man talk about adding insult to injury! Poor guy has a pos machine and you "helped" him buy another.......................god I hate dell!

if you can't add parts to your computer :sad:

Hi there,

- When your computer get louder, it's time for a new computer...

Ju Leon...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Radical Dreamer

Man talk about adding insult to injury! Poor guy has a pos machine and you "helped" him buy another.......................god I hate dell!

---

I knew somebody would jump all over that and give me some slack about it, actually, that is why I posted it ;)

Before, I wasn't a huge fan of Dell myself, but at my current job we are locked into Dell through state contract, so I work with 100's of them on a daily basis, and have had very little issues with any of them.

That said, this man in 89 years old, and uses his computer to get online to check a few stock prices through Yahoo Finance, read the news on CNN.com and send an occasional email. So for all the more he uses it, the $300 entry level Dell is a deal that can't be beat for his needs. I couldn't come even remotely close to putting him together a system for that price.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 3fingersalute

Before, I wasn't a huge fan of Dell myself, but at my current job we are locked into Dell through state contract, so I work with 100's of them on a daily basis, and have had very little issues with any of them.

---

Funny, we are in the exact same situation here in Oklahoma, with the same results. The Dells have proven reliable and durable enough for our purposes. As for their usefulness, that's where we the Code Monkeys come in, generating custom applications for Office users. No complaints. ;)

Actually, the Tandy 105 printer had 8 pins. The head had 9 holes, but only 8 of them were filled.
Jim