Funny one liners

[MacGyver]

Originally posted by Road Warrior:
<STRONG>How about "I saved my Word document in the smallest font I could, but it still won't fit on a floppy".</STRONG>

ROTFLMAO!

[MacGyver]

My favorite:

"Backup? What backup?"
"Backup? What's that?"
"I don't have a backup. Can you get my files (read: porn) back for me?" said the customer sheepishly, the melted remains of their hard drive on the service counter.

You know, the data recovery companies should be giving me a profit share from all the referrals I do.... <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">

[Daemon]

I dont think I have enough memory is that why I can save the file?

"No you need more hard drive space, your low at 1 mb"

Oh so how much would the memory be? Hey BILL! We need to get more memory for the computer the PC Tech says we only have 1 mb left.


<IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0"> ever get somthing like this?

[ßracius]

Sorta, it usually goes:
Customer: I think I need my memory
Me: You do
C: Yeah my memory is not powerful enough to do stuff
Me: I'm sorry
C: Why? I am going to buy it.
Me: Oh! Are you talking about RAM?
C: Your a smarta$$, No sir/Ma'm I am a tech. You want to talk to sales.

Not very exciting but it gives me a chuckle during the day

[parning]

I support 8 different softwares, with a total of 21 different and mutually exclusive versions, interfacing with at least 30 other softwares (30 common interfaces anyway). When I answer the queue, in addition to asking for their user ID and company name, I always ask them: "What software are you using?"

The inevitable end-luser's reply? "Windows."

Grrrrrrrr <IMG SRC="smilies/mad.gif" border="0">

They also sometimes just answer "$MY_COMPANY" (where $MY_COMPANY is the name of the company I work for. <IMG SRC="smilies/mad.gif" border="0">

[Divadrummer]

My favorite call :

User : "I spent 3 days trying to get to through your phone tree and speak to a real life person. I finally had to call your corprate offices to get someone to help me talk to you."

Me : (feeds some appologietic line about the phone tree)
"So, how can I help you today?"

User : "Well I bought this program and ever since installing, I can't boot my computer normally."

Me: "Is there any kind of error message associated with this?"

User : "Non-system disk, replace disk and strike any key to continue."

Me : "Do you have any disks in your disk drive?"

User : "Um...yes. Does this matter?"

Me: "I'd like you to remove the disk, and reboot your computer."

User : "How can I reboot from here?"

Me: "You could try the power button on your tower. That should work"

User : "But I've tried that before, and it always comes back to this screen!"

Me: "After you take out the disk, it shouldn't do that anymore."

User : "So...all my agrivation trying to contact you, and all I had to do was take out the f***ing disk?"

Me : (silence.)

This man was too stupid to remove the disk, or go through a simple 3-step phone tree.

Some people should have a license. (God, I hope he doesn't have children!)

[ßracius]

Yeah I get the phone queue tree all the time. I get a real kick at of that too. We have a timer telling us how long they have been waiting on hold, what buttons they push to get into tech support, etc.. They call up saying they waited on hold for 30 minutes and they couldn't get into tech support. Well the option for tech support is "2" (not that hard). That and I get to tell them that we will try to cut that 2 minute wait for them buy hiring more people. I think it comes down to the "I am jock, I hate tech" thing.

[procrastination]

User: Can you add someone to the "user can log on locally" right on my machine?

Tech: Sure, what machine are you on?

User: I don't know?

Tech: Oh ok... Just look on the machine. There is a sticker there with the computer name.

User: It says "Intel Inside, and there is another one that says Gateway"

[small]

My favourite customer request is:
'can i buy a box of irks, the computer says it's run out of them.' (i know its irq by thr way!)

[Outcoded]

Can I get a box full as well <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

[rscos]

my all-time favourite:

"can you format my modem please"

[Poseidon]

Originally posted by NakedMessiah:
<STRONG> . . .The screensaver won't work until I have not done anything for 30 minutes
. . .</STRONG>

ROFLMAO

[cyberhh]

"I've been pressing the space bar for hours and the computer won't come on!"

"Ma'am have you tried the power switch?"

"Like I said I've been pressing the space bar for hours. It's your machine, it's broken and you need to come out and fix it."

"You do understand that it is a $120 minimum charge for me to come on site if the machine works correctly."

"I don't care - you need to fix it now!"

I went on site, walked up to the machine, pushed the power button and watched the machine surge to life, had her supervisor sign the ticket and submitted my bill.


Another user:

"Oh! you have to move the mouse? I would have just pressed buttons all day"

[Gabriel]

"Where is that ANY key?"
"HardDisk?, Gee lady i misunderstood you" <- a Joke...

[kingtbone]

Originally posted by Divadrummer:
<STRONG>User : "So...all my agrivation trying to contact you, and all I had to do was take out the f***ing disk?"

Me : (silence.)</STRONG>

Ha ha that's my favorite part. There should be a string dedicated to the mysterious "Disk boot Failure" error message. There have to be a million hilarious stories about people with disks in the floppy drive. I love when people call 5 1/4 inch disks "floppy disks", and then call 3 1/2 inch disks "hard disks"