[RESOLVED] Stupid thing users say that make you laugh!

[MANDAN]

User: (in panic) : I turn on my computer and I have the massage “No system disk or disk error”

Me: take out the diskette from the floppy-drive and press ENTER.

[TheComputerKid]

The usual:

Customer X: So if I want more memory, do I buy a bigger hard drive? I want 40 gigs of memory.

Me: No. You need to buy memory.

Customer X: That's what I said!

Me: No, a hard drive won't help. It will add more Hard Drive space to your computer.

Customer X: But I want more memory for my MP3s!!!!!

<hr>

Person: What do you mean? I didn't download these MP3s!

<hr>

Me: And what kind of computer is this?

User: It's a (company X) computer.

Me: "sigh"
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[This message has been edited by TheComputerKid (edited October 11, 2001).]

[Brett04]

We all have to remember that as service technicians, it is our responsibility to be patient with our customers. Most are NOT computer savvy. That's why they come to us and pay our outrageous prices to put food on the table. What do you think the doctor thinks of us when we try and tell him/her their business and that they must be wrong. I taught certification classes and saw many 'kids' who thought they were the sh*t when it came to computers. They were sorely disappointed when it came time for tests! Ease up, laugh a little (when they are gone), and help out these poor computer illiterates out.

[gpint]

Had a guy come in one day asking for the driver disk for the modem he had. He just reloaded windows and now needed to load drives. After talking to him for a while, he said that he loaded the drivers that came with the modem, but that it wasnt working right. When I asked him what wasnt working right he said that when he goes to websites that hes been to in the past the pictures dont look right. It turns out that he needed to load his video drivers. The shop owner and I still laugh about the "Monochrome Modem" that this guy had.

[Ro!]

<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by CinderElmo:
[i]I like sending technical sounding jargon right over people's heads -- "yeah you'll need an I-E-E-E-1-2-8-4 compliant interface cable to get within optimal specs for that print device" "Uh I need what now?"
</font>

...hehe years ago one of my favorites was "Well it looks like the uh power source for the uh Complimentary Metal Oxide Semiconductor Basic Input Output System has been discharged."

The funnest part was tellin' em how much it was gonna cost to fix that problem ... I love the sudden change in expression from "OH S**T" to "I Love You!"

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No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You win the war, by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country!"

- Gen. George S. Patton, Jr. - May 31, 1944

[Packrat]

I got one for you guys, Yesterday morning at 8am I get to work and right as I come through the door this lady grabs me and says this, "Okay, I shutdown the computer and then this screen pops up and says "It is now safe to shut off your comptuer", what is the next step to do?"
I was thinking "man it is too early in the morning for this much stupidity."
I think that has been the most idiotic question I have ever been asked in my 8 years of computer repair.

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Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye, then its just fun in the dark.

3 out of 2 people can't count.

[LPetrarca]

"I just downloaded the program from CD and ..........."



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"what'dya mean I hosed the whole thing? Is that bad?"

[MAYHEM]

I just bought a new video, and it won't fit in my modem.

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Well... I say... Nuke the unborn baby gay whales!

[Gilbertk]

And what abouth the "press any key" ?
When you go to the Compaq support FAQ that's the first question that they have.
I doubt that whoever needs to read the answer to that question will be able to connect to the intenet and browse to compaq web page!

[widget]

user(s) say when calling " I have a lucient win modiem, with windows me/2000"

[zorak]

I just had this conversation on the phone (I do on-site tech support):

Her: My computer is frozen.
Me: OK, let's go ahead and reboot. Press the smaller of the two buttons on the front of the computer.
Her: But there's only one button!
Me: Ok...what brand of computer do you have?
Her: Samsung.
Me: Ok, I want you to look underneath your desk for a white box that says Gateway. That should have the reset button we're looking for.
Her: Oh! you mean the bottom part!

The monitor is the computer. The computer is the 'bottom part". I guess that makes sense.

[Milenko]

[quote]Originally posted by zorak:
<strong>The monitor is the computer. The computer is the 'bottom part". I guess that makes sense.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Actually according to my users, the monitor is the "computer" and the computer is the "modem." Go figure.

[CodeDragon]

My particular favourite occurs when you ask "What version of Windows are you running?". I've had these responses:

1) 95j
2) 97 - I just upgraded from 96
3) 2000 Millenium
4) Minellium
5) Linoleum (Seriously!)
6) Windows XY 200. (!?)

Makes you want to slit your wrists on a sunny afternoon doesn't it?

Cad

[Garak]

how about this one
User:- Can i keep that monitor
Colleague:- Why?
User:- Cause i've got all my icons set up on that screen
Colleague and I:- RAFLOFAO!!!!!!!!

[geeksRus]

so this morning i get a call, woman all pissed off because the FREE AVG anti-virus wasn't updating automatically like it was sposed to. so i told her how to change the scheduler time to a time when she was likely to have the computer on.

so she said (yeh, you guessed it):"oh, you mean the computer has to be on?"

oh, brother.