[RESOLVED] Stupid thing users say that make you laugh!

[kingtbone]

Originally posted by Argh:
<STRONG>"Ok, so here we will move the beta source code to this folder. This is the one with everyone's changes on it so we'll name this folder 'master beta'." He then paused for 2 seconds and at the same time we both were rolling on the floor laughing our asses off for probably the next 5 minutes. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"></STRONG>

Ha ha ha. That just woke me up I think. Thanks.

[ecartman]

1. I'm looking to buy some flippies.
(FYI, she got pissy when I couldn't stop laughing)
2. I have a Pentium DX2-66
3. Question: How much RAM do you have installed because the program requires 16MB?
Answer: That's not a problem. I have 4Gigs of RAM.

[DoMe]

The Dumbest thing I was ever asked was "Where does this go?" while holding up a CD.
A close Second was "How do you spell Email?"
<IMG SRC="smilies/rolleyes.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/eek.gif" border="0">

[Fubarian]

I always love it when they say like ..

maybe you don't know what I do for a living, I'm in telecommunications for blah blah blah..

or

I worked on computers 6 years ago and I still know blah blah blah...

and yet they're asking me...oh wait! I've been around computers for almost 10 years, working on them for about 6 (2-3 "professionally" -> means getting paid) and ...wait! I'm going to college to learn how this stuff REALLY works! ....but hey, since yer the great individual who's bought the wrong motherboard because -= NO, not all mobo's are made for all processors =- <IMG SRC="smilies/mad.gif" border="0">


ok I'm done now...hehe <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

[Kenny P.]

I've always been partial to the "That's unacceptable" statement that the unlearned quote so often.

"What do you mean I can't run Windows 2000 on my 386?!?!? That's unacceptable!"

"Why can't I have fibre directly to my desk?!?!? That's unacceptable!"

"Why can't I run a RAID 10 array in office PC? That's unacceptable!"

- These are real quotes I've heard since I've been here (a small college in SE WI)

End users - a never ending source of humor - Kenny P.

Kenny P.

[mfeikema]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Fubar:
[QB]I love it when a user walks up and announces their PC locked up/crashed and then stare at me. I think they are expecting me to put on a turban and then read their minds for the rest of the story!
Me: "Okay dumbass, what were you doing when it happened?"
Them: "I don't remember..."
Me: "Was it the acctounting system, pinhead?"
Them: "Uhhh, maybe..."
Me: "Is there an error message on your screen, fool?"
Them: "Yeah, but I turned my machine off..."
Me: "Did you write it down, ye great waster of my time?"
Them: "Uhhh, no..."

This happens to me all the time. I work in-house at an industrial mfg. office. I used to try and school the users until I realized they had no interest in learning how to help themselves (the no-brainers really ARE what I'm here for!) Hell, once we got our automated helpdesk system online, I started getting work orders 5 minutes before I came in because somebody got a BSOD. They had already rebooted it themselves, which in their particular case was all I would have done. But they were sure as hell gonna make sure I knew about it! When they are vague with me, sometimes I get vague back.

The worst one I've heard is this woman was getting irate with me after I manually reset her locked-up computer. "It recommended that I close all programs and shut down my computer, but then none of my keys or mouse worked?!?!?! Now just why would it tell me to shut it down and then not let me. No, no, you don't understand, it TOLD me to shut it down and then it WOULDN'T let me!!! That is SOOO frustrating! WHY did it do that?????"

In general, when people give me vague details about their computer problems, I just tell them "That's because Windows doesn't work, wasn't meant to work, and doesn't really care how much you want it to work. Remember this the next time your rich friend talks about how brilliant Bill Gates is!" <IMG SRC="smilies/cool.gif" border="0">

[Geek #1]

Well, you are all wrong. Windows will work fine, provided that you don't turn your PC on.

Install windows then switch the machine off, hurrah, no more errors.

[savagegerbil]

At my office job, i have this one lady who is worried that someone could see into her computer. she asked if it was possible and i said sure, the system administrator can even take over locking you out. her eyes widened and you could smell the fear. me and my coworkers are thinking of pranking her by pretending to talk into the mouse and hold a conversation with the CIA.

now, at my night job at compusa, i had this guy come in saying his modem didnt work.
[me] who's your internet provider?
[him]aol
[me] your modems fine, it's aol
[him] aol said it was a bad modem
[me](banging my head against the wall) bring it in and i'll take a look
[translation for above] bring it in and i'll show you how much of an idiot you are, tell you that it's not covered under warrenty, and then charge you $100 to get it back.
[him] ok, i'll be right over

of course it wasnt his modem and everything i just said above happened. i dont think he ever shopped there again.

[USGyrene]

Originally posted by Apathy:
[QB]I work phone support so I get these all the time.

People calling there computer the hard drive seems to be a lot more common than them calling it the cpu now. Or when I tell them to get the serial number off the back of the computer and they give me the serial # off of the monitor. Happens all the time.

QB]

It took me forever to break my wife of the habit of calling the computer a "Modem"

[MacGyver]

[quote]Originally posted by Living Bloodlust:

Originally posted by Fubar:
<STRONG>Me: "Okay dumbass, what were you doing when it happened?"
Them: "I don't remember..."
Me: "Was it the acctounting system, pinhead?"
Them: "Uhhh, maybe..."
Me: "Is there an error message on your screen, fool?"
Them: "Yeah, but I turned my machine off..."
Me: "Did you write it down, ye great waster of my time?"
Them: "Uhhh, no..."
</STRONG>

I have this problem at work (and I'm sure that just about everyone who looks after end user workstations does).

What ended up doing is demanding that when anybody has a computer problem, they send me an email "trouble ticket" outlining all the details of the problem and telling me exactly what happened. Here is the email I sent out:

If you are having problems with your computer, please send me a detailed email explaining the problem:

• Your computer ID on the front of your computer (YYZWS03 for example)
• What the problem is
• When it started happening
• What exactly you are doing when the problem pops up (what app or file you are trying to open, for example)
• If there are any error messages, please include them word for word
• If it is a GroupWise error, please include the 4 character error code (D123 for example)

Doing this will help me keep track of problems and give me enough information to troubleshoot and solve them in a timely manner.

Thanks for your co-operation

Unless somebody's email is not working or they forgot their password, I will NOT help anybody unless they send me this email. It lets me research the problem (tranlation: post on WinDrivers) and then get back to the user with possible solutions.

[CinderElmo]

I send emails out every once in a while...that walk users STEP-BY-STEP on how to adjust a setting or change a proxy address.

It wouldn't matter if I spelled out every detail down to the amount of pressure that must be applied to your mouse button to enter a click...they still either a.> don't read the email at all b.> look at the email and decide it is too complicated or c.> read the email, "wing it" and do only some of the items on the list. The end result is usually d.> Phone call or email asking why said solution didn't work for them and oh by the way could you stop by and fix it!

I don't have that many users to support but I can always count on a good percentage to have a problem anytime I send them a "solution." <IMG SRC="smilies/mad.gif" border="0">

By default users will disregard all error messages in almost any situation. That "technobabble" means nothing to them!

[LabRat]

[quote]Originally posted by Living Bloodlust:
<STRONG>

Originally posted by Fubar:
[QB]I love it when a user walks up and announces their PC locked up/crashed and then stare at me. I think they are expecting me to put on a turban and then read their minds for the rest of the story!
Me: "Okay dumbass, what were you doing when it happened?"
Them: "I don't remember..."
Me: "Was it the acctounting system, pinhead?"
Them: "Uhhh, maybe..."
Me: "Is there an error message on your screen, fool?"
Them: "Yeah, but I turned my machine off..."
Me: "Did you write it down, ye great waster of my time?"
Them: "Uhhh, no..."
</STRONG>

This Link should explain everything <IMG SRC="smilies/cool.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

[grosas9]

The dumbest stuff is this
Names that end users refer to their computer:
Processor
Hard Drive
Hard Disk
Modem
CD Tower
Not the monitor
Mora-(have a customer that named his IBM XT after his first girl friend and refused to get rid of it till 4/01)

Stupid Parts the Customer brings in:
Power Cord
Everything
The CD drive
the hard disk (my computer gets no power)
the speakers

But the stupedest of them all is the know it all that knows nothing. this happened after he insited that he knows more then me casue he went to school for it. (note he is 70 something)

"I have a 300mhz p2"
so it plugs into a slot like this
"no it goes into SLOT 7"
like this
"yeah"
then its an AMD K6 or K6-2
"yeah"
then why did you just tell me you have a p2
"i dont know, i finished school when the 486 just came out, I dont know the difference between this things."

[grosas9]

Originally posted by Kenny P:
<STRONG>I've always been partial to the "That's unacceptable" statement that the unlearned quote so often.

"What do you mean I can't run Windows 2000 on my 386?!?!? That's unacceptable!"

"Why can't I have fibre directly to my desk?!?!? That's unacceptable!"

"Why can't I run a RAID 10 array in office PC? That's unacceptable!"

- These are real quotes I've heard since I've been here (a small college in SE WI)

End users - a never ending source of humor - Kenny P.

Kenny P.</STRONG>

I only bought this computer from your store 12 years ago and now your telling me that I need to replace the whole computer just to use aol. I used this computer twice and put it back in the box and your telling me its not good anymore.

[Major Kong]

Got this one emailed to me today! <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."
User: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
User: "How do I know when it's ready?