Something funny?

[poida217]

When you boot off a Windows ME cd and configure unallocated hd space, and then it says it is gonna reboot and tells you to make sure the windows ME bootdisk is in the A drive. When windows ME starts shipping with boot disks then I will make sure to do that.

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I can't get lost, everyone tells me where to go.

[TheLow1]

For the Stupid sign department.

I was at Wal-Mart this weekend and I saw a sign that said "Free Hearing Test" Right behind the sign was one of those Salvation Army people ring one of those bells. I almost fell down when I saw it. I will try to get a photo and post it.

[BreakWindows]

l took a great photo on my way up to Binghamton once. l was on the NYS Thruway, and saw one of those signs that says "Your tax dollars at work: we'll be building new roads, adding lanes, blahblah blah we're wonderful..."

Well, right under the part that said "Your Tax Dollars At Work", was 12 guys sitting on their asses drinking coffee (and noone doing any work, besides that one guy sweeping. Why is there always one guy sweeping??). l swerved off the next exit, looped around and got back on just to snap a pic of that.


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Either drop the Windows out of your computers, or drop your computers out of the windows.
BreakWindows

[This message has been edited by BreakWindows (edited December 04, 2000).]

[ibennetch]

Originally posted by BreakWindows:
l took a great photo on my way up to Binghamton once. l was on the NYS Thruway, and saw one of those signs that says "Your tax dollars at work: we'll be building new roads, adding lanes, blahblah blah we're wonderful..."

Well, right under the part that said "Your Tax Dollars At Work", was 12 guys sitting on their asses drinking coffee (and noone doing any work, besides that one guy sweeping. Why is there always one guy sweeping??). l swerved off the next exit, looped around and got back on just to snap a pic of that.

rotfl you have to post that here when you get your pictures back!

[cyberhh]

Originally posted by 3fingersalute:
Tell me about it!! People don't understand that this is a Tech Tales forum!

I think they should make a forum for all those people who like to start 3 or 4 topics a day about your cats, what weight oil you use in your car and what size shoe you wear to post to each other!!!

I beginning to think these people start any topic in they can come up with just to raise there numbers or something?

What's next?....Boxers or Briefs?

C'Mon...let's get back to those Funny and Outrageous Tales!!!

Boxers

[cyberhh]

Label on Dial Soap: Use like any other soap
Clothes iron - remove clothing BEFORE ironing (I actually met someone this warning was targeted at)
Dish Soap - not for food
Washing Machine - remove clothes before washing
Millions more - and the worst part of the whole mess is that all those lables were written to give the legal department an out when people do exactly what the label says not to do!

[CobraTekMax]

And now for a few quotes from the master of comedy, Mr. Rodney Dangerfield.

"You guys wanna good laugh? Watch a porno in reverse. You'll see the hooker give the money back!"

"This girl was so wild, when she'd licks the stamp, Elvis smiles!"

"I tell ya, golf courses and cemetaries are the biggest wastes of prime real estate."

"I saved a girl from being attacked the other day - I changed my mind!"




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Clatu...Verata...nnnn...necktie...nectur...nickel. ...it's definately an "N" word...

[Danrak]

My sister-in-law works for MSN on their phone support system. They said they were expected to be extremely busy on Thanksgiving, so they wanted to be 140% staffed. Now if they can only handle being 100% staffed what did they do with the other 40%?

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.·°Danrak°·.
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

[Snommis69]

Just to continue the trend...

-Can you buy a whole chess set at a pawn shop?
-What do you add to powdered water?
-Why do you put your two cents in, but it is a penny for your thoughts?
-If a man speaks in the woods, and no woman heard him, is he still wrong?
-Why is there Braille instructions at the drive-thru ATM?


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Is the damn thing plugged in, is the damn thing turned on?

[This message has been edited by Snommis69 (edited December 05, 2000).]

[WickedTech]

Useful Work Phrases

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

13. No, my powers can only be used for good.

14. How about never? Is never good for you?

15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.


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You did what? I'm sorry but that's not supported.

[ledrichard]

Quick Joke!!!!

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman brags, “and this morning she couldn’t stop telling me how much she adored me.”

“Last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian replies,” and today she said she could never love another man.”

The American remains silent, and the Frenchman smugly asks, “How many times did you make love to your wife last night?”

“Once,” says the American.

“Only once?” the Italian snorts arrogantly. “And what did she say to you this morning?”

“‘Don’t stop.’”


HEHEHEHH!!!

[BS_Tech_Spec]

Did you hear about the programmer who spent the whole day in the shower?

He was following the instructions on the bottle of shampoo;
Lather
Rinse
Repeat

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None.
It's a hardware problem!

[ledrichard]

Here is another one. Enjoy!!!

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet.


After six months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there stands a big, bearded Vermonter. “Names Enoch, your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday, thought you’d like to come.”

“Great,” says Sam, “after six months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”

As Enoch is leaving he stops, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin'.”

“Not a problem. After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”

Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. “More’n likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”

Damn, Sam thinks…tough crowd. “Well, I get along well with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”

Once again Enoch turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”

“Now that’s not a problem”, says Sam. “Remember, I’ve been alone for six months. By the way, what should I wear?

Enoch stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”

[tregee]

Hemiroid cream: Warning not for oral use.

You know they put signs on things like this because someone was stupid enough to try it once. I say let them kill or mame themselves for being that stupid.

[EvilKlown]

Okay, All of these have been seen on Tshirts:

My Wife gives me sound advice. That is 99% sound and 1% advice.
For Sale: Parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
Some Days you are the pigeon, And some days you are the statue.
I'm Multi-Talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
If you think my attitude stinks, You should smell my underwear.
I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day, tomorrow doesn't look good either.
I'm sorry. My Fault. I forgot you were an idiot.
You're just jealous that the voices talk to me.
5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" -Benjamin Franklin
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Never knock on Death's door..... Ring the bell and run. He Hates That !
and my personal favorite:
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar


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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.