Ne1 remember this list from the BBS days? I'm dug up these two jokes and I'm looking for more!

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

) What did the Tibetian [sic] monk say to the hot dog vendor?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The most famous exchange between a lama and a hot dog vendor
} occurred one block south of Times Square in July 1988.
}
} Hot Dog Vendor: What can I get for ya today? Footlong with
} the works? I said, what can I get for ya today? Hey, ya
} wanna hot dog or not? Listen if yer not going to order willya
} move on, I gotta business to run. Stop starin' at me, man.
} And wipe that silly grin off yer face. Say something, dammit, [line 284]
} yer givin' me the creeps. Hey, I get it. Ya don't [speak]
} English, do ya? Uh, lessee, yo, uh, tengo los, uh, hot dogs,
} uh, perros calientes. Okay, fine! just stand there. See if I
} care. Just don't scare away the customers. Jeez. Forget it.
} Ya wanna Coke? Coca-cola? I don't care where yer from, ya
} gotta understand "Coca-cola". Coca-cola? Stop smiling.
} People'll think yer up to something. Hey, I got all-beefs,
} beef-n-porks, turkey dogs, polish sausage, and kielbasa. You
} can get ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, relish, pickles, or
} onions on them. I've got plain and whole grain buns. I don't
} care what you want, just order something or leave. I'm
} serious, man, if you don't go away, I'll call the cops and
} have them arrest you for loitering. Jesus Christ, will you
} stop staring at me! STOP IT! At least blink once in a while.
} You're driving me crazy! You wanna Coke? Wait, no, I already
} tried that. Listen, man, I'm serious, stop starin' and grin-
} nin' at me. I gotta gun under the counter. I'll use it. I
} mean it. STOP STARING AT ME! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOPIT-
} STOPITSTOPIT! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY! AAAAARGH! STOPIT-
} STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT! PLEASE LOOK AWAY! HERE! OKAY! I'M
} MAKING YOU A HOT DOG FOR FREE! TAKE IT! EAT IT! JUST GO
} AWAY! STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPIT! YOU WANNA COKE? OKAY!
} HERE'S A COKE! IT'S ON THE HOUSE! NOW PLEASE GO AWAY!
} I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS! YOUR EYES ARE DRIVING ME
} INSANE! PLEASE STOPITSTOPISTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!
}
} Then the lama widened his grin just enough to barely show
} his teeth. At that moment the hot dog vendor was enlightened.
}
} You owe the Oracle a better koan. And a new deli.
[293-03; formatting of the original text has been modified]

and..

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

) Why is it that most men suffer a complete loss [o]f personality when
) exposed in any manner to a computer?
[line 807]
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} In order to explain this I must detail the story of creation...
}
} In the beginning there was a Computer. And God said to the computer
} % vi creation.c
} He then wrote the universe, and compiled it and it was good.
} And God ran it in background, and saw that it was good. He
} then noticed that the Universe was eating CPU time and tried
} to kill it, so that he could do his important work, which
} was to determine the Ultimate Question of Life the Universe
} and Everything. The Operating System had a glitch and the
} Universe could not be kill -9'd.
}
} It came to pass that a lady friend of His wanted to visit
} with Him. He snarled at her for the interruption. Then Man,
} being made in His image, forever duplicated this when being
} interrupted by women while he was working on a computer.
}
} That is why men react poorly when being interrupted on the
} computer. It is a Divine trait.
}
} You owe the Oracle the source code for the Universe. [175-10]

Hilarious


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=-iateyourcat-=