Stupid things actually said by customers

[firemonkey]

"You just installed a video card for me, do I plug the monitior into the new one or the old one?"

customer: "Is this where I upgrade my cell phone?"
tech: "did you buy it here?"
customer: "no"

Do I need a zipdrive to run winzip?
(she had no idea what either was, she just was winzip on her computer and got worried)

I got a illegal operation in windows, are the cops really going to arrest me?

these are all honest to godnees true, and all with in the past week!!

[[NeoZeeD]]

i have these

me: what operating system you running?

win96
win97
win900
word97
i dont know, but im a tech
i dont have one.

[Lord Qimboc]

Honest to God:

Do I need a computer to get the Internet?

[Gollo]

[quote]Originally posted by Lord Qimboc:
<strong>Honest to God:

Do I need a computer to get the Internet?</strong><hr></blockquote>

That one could go either way. You could get them an internet device which is NOT a computer. But that's only if you want to get technical...

[Lord Qimboc]

[quote]Originally posted by Gollo:
<strong>

That one could go either way. You could get them an internet device which is NOT a computer. But that's only if you want to get technical... </strong><hr></blockquote>


This was while i was tech support at MediaOne. She was calling us because she wanted a cable modem and she didnt have a computer.

Guess it makes more sense if I put it in the right context.

[Sunshine]

Said 2 days ago by one of our new Senior Management -

Me: "Here's your external keyboard for your laptop"
User: "Does this mean I can leave my laptop at home from now on and just type on this?"
Me: "Only if the cable can reach!"
User: "So, I guess not then?"
Me: "Umm, no."

Bad part (for him) is that there were people standing outside his office when he said it. Now all of our people at his location (about 600) know how dense he is!

[Fubarian]

them: "it won't let me do anything"
me : (GGGRRRR ) "what won't let you do anything?"
them : "the computer, it won't let me do anything"
me : (even more pyst, but still calm) "what is it NOT letting you do?"
them : "well, it just doesn't work"

...notice this cycle?

[Fierce]

Even better is when you tell those above you the problem and the solution, they agree and fully understand, but refuse to solve the problem with the solution you provided, rather look at every other avenue that won't solve the problem. (Small rant of problem I am going thru now...)

[mustangjenni]

[quote]customer: "Is this where I upgrade my cell phone?"
tech: "did you buy it here?"
customer: "no" <hr></blockquote>


Trust me dude....I believe people are stupid enough to have that come out of their mouths.....you have probally sent people bcak to Circut City, Best Buy, etc. unknowingly because they would not think twice to go there.......

[Matridom]

The idiotic ones are the ones who say things to impress you into thinking they know more than you..


"I'm a Computer Consultant AND a Network administrator, My windows 2000 is saying "Media Disconnected" when i try to pull up my IP and i can't ping the gateway. When will the gateway be back up?"

"Uhm, Sir, that error means that your network cable is not plugged in properly, or you have a bad nic."

"Impossible! i can't ping your gateway, your gateway is down!"

Notice where this was going.. The guy left the phone saying to the effect that "I'll test my card, if it's not defective, i'll sue you for providing bad information."

[Fubarian]

[quote]Originally posted by Matridom:
<strong>see above</strong><hr></blockquote>

hehe yep! you give 'em an answer and they COMPLETELY ignore it because you don't know what yer talking about ....even though they called you for support...

[EvilCabbage]

My phone rang this morning. It was the "intellectually challenged" (there is nothing genetically wrong with him, he is just a dumbass) son, of the mine site previous manager, was on the other end. I avoid speaking to him, and have no commitment to him at all, but somehow, he assumed it was my job to help him.

Idiot: Hi, is Alan there?

Me: You know Alan isnt here, Shaun. What do you want?

Idiot: Well, he built this computer for me, to help with my graphics, right?, and it wont print.

Me: Hrmm.. I didnt seem to hear the bit where you said I would profit from fixing this for you, please repeat it, slowly, and carefully.

Idiot: Alan usually helps me with this stuff.. *sob*

Me: Im not Alan. I am a man that is paid, by the hour, to sit here, and help this company. Not you. Re-install your printer drivers, or something... [insert shuffling of papers, to show disinterest]

Idiot: *sob* But I put the disks in, and now it wont work

Me: Was that even english? Put the disks in what? What wont work? Leave me alone Shaun.. *click*

I hope he doesnt call back...

[Cleetus]

Or then there are the techs who don't want to listen as well.

Me:"Yes, I am having intermittent problems with one of you pc's where I can't see the display on boot up, we have already replaced blah, blah"
Tech:"Ok, boot it up and let us check the display properties"
Me:"No, when I get display it is fine, it is missing on initial boot up"
Tech:"Ok, lets check the drivers in your control panel"
Me:starts to bang head on desk"The problem is not in windows, it is the initial display, nothing is coming through unless I trick the system"
Tech:"Sir, we have to check these drivers and I want to see what your display settings are in control panel"
Me:"I give up, ok, I have tricked the computer to give me display, yeah, now we are windows, Shock, everything is correct"
Tech:"OH!!!, so your problem isn't in Windows, but the hardware itself"

And people wonder why I smoke and drink, between these lovely people and then my users.

[tpsensky]

Okay, this was not exactly from a customer, but from my wifes uncle (by marriage only).
Long story short..
He has an old HP that was giving him fits, formatted the hd and reloaded windows. He did not use the HP reload disks and windows did not detect most of his devices (modem, video, sound, NIC...). Without his modem, he could not logon the internet to get to the HP drivers site.
When called me, I couldn't help but laugh because in trying to fix his mess, he installed AOL to try to get online, and couldn't figure out why AOL won't make his modem work.
It wouldn't even bother me how clueless he is (because I deal with tehm every day), except he acts like he knows a lot and was "bragged" about how he built his last system.

[[NeoZeeD]]

me: thank you for calling blah blah blah whats yoru problem?

user: my computer doesnt work.

me: whats the problem

user: my computer is not working can you send a tech out here its definatly the harddrive.

me: how do you know its the harddrive what happens when you use it?

user: my computer just doesnt work send out a tech!!!!

me: before i can send any tech out i need to verify you have a hardware failer.

user: i worked for a high IT deptartment and i know how to trouble shoot computers and i now the computer has a problem with it now send a tech out NOOWWWWWW!!!!
( in the background i hear her say " this guy thinks he knows everything")

me: mam do you understand that i have to walk through some quick steps to verify hardware failer or i wont get an approval to have your pc serviced.

user: i paid alot of money for this warranty and i know about computer i took a class and its not working right just sent a tech out NOOWWWWWW!!!!

me: well if you dont trouble shoot with me then you denie service and i cannot help you.

user: what?! no, just send a tech out i know the problem the computer just doesnt work.

me: here is the number to our consumer relations deptarment bye bye.

*click*

after all her bitchin she never did give me a description on how she knows the harddrive is bad.

i explain to these dumb @sses our policy and they still dont get it.

the lady didnt even tell me how she freakin trouble shot the issue and how she came to the conclusion its a bad hard drive come if she really trouble shot it then she would be able to tell me .