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July 17th, 2001, 11:36 AM
#1
 Need help with interracial relationship
Hi guys,
I need a bit of advice and I figured it might help to ask here. I'm an American and I recently started dating someone from Japan. She's really beautiful, sweet and incredibly friendly. For some reason though I get the feeling I am crashing and burning. She always seems very shy, yet has a good time when we go out. My real problem is, as an American, I really don't know too much about Japanese Dating customs. I could be offending her at every turn just by being a naive American. I understand a lot about the Japanese culture and was expecting some differences in dating styles, but I really don't want to blow this. If anyone could tell me typical Japanese Dating customs, or if you are seeing/married to a Japanese woman tell me how it worked? I'm sorry to sound all touchy feely, but I figure around here, someone has to know. Thanks for your time, I really do appriciate it.
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July 17th, 2001, 11:44 AM
#2
Registered User
One of my best friends, who happened to be in my wedding party, started dating a girl who happened to be significantly darker than he. I talked to him about it, and he said that it didn't bother either one of them. Eventually, they came to a mutual agreement that it was better to break up, but I don't think the break up had anything to do with skin colour. They are still good friends.
A good friend once said to me that "anyone that you are dating is a potential wife." Do you see yourself marrying this person?
If you're not comfortable in a relationship then you should discuss it with your partner. You need to be able to have honest and open discussions in any relationship and if you can't talk about it in the open, bottled up feelings can lead to misunderstandings and problems later.
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July 17th, 2001, 11:46 AM
#3
Registered User
Having dated and married outside of my race, well kinda (Im american, and my wife is american indian) I can understand where your coming from. But, the best answer you would get is from the girl your dating. My wife didnt like "the ways" of others that were indian so that is why she dated me even though I was outside of her race. That maybe the reason your girlfriend wants you, the only way to find out for sure is to ask exaclty what she wants out of the relationship. Is it just to experiment with other cultures, is it just to have a date on Saturday nights, or what. Im afraid that only she can answer that. Good luck.
*Edited by Sowulo*
Thanks to A d e p t for the avatar!!!!
Im done here
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July 17th, 2001, 11:53 AM
#4
I'm not bothered by the race thing at all. My family is cool with it and frankly, I don't care what they think anyway. <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0"> I really do enjoy the time we spend together and I see her as a potential wife (havn't been dating long, but I could see it in a few). I'm just worried that I am insulting her or doing something wrong. Maybe I just need better self-esteem...hehe. Then again, if she didn't like to be with me, she wouldn't I suppose.
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July 17th, 2001, 11:58 AM
#5
Registered User
One word: COMMUNICATION. This is the foundation of any relationship. How are you supposed to know how she's feeling unless she tells you? Why don't you ask her if you're not sure?
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July 17th, 2001, 11:59 AM
#6
Well, i married a japanese lady. Just ask your date that you don't know Japanese customs, and have her tell you. Sounds like you are shy too.
Do you have the latest Bios driver for your m/b?
I live in my own little world, but it's ok... they know me here
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July 17th, 2001, 12:42 PM
#7
Registered User
1) BE YOURSELF! i cannot stress that enough.
2) just be honest and tell her you really dig her and want to get closer but you have some questions about her customs.
3)watch The Joy Luck Club. Seriously. It may give you some insight. The film covers your issue...
as a footnote, non-white chicks rule!
Jesus Saves.
Gretzky recovers... He shoots... HE SCORES!!!
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July 17th, 2001, 12:42 PM
#8
I married a chinese lady and am american myself. The customs are different, the only food we commonly agree on is italian, yet she likes the way I treat her and the fact that we listen and respect each other's thoughts and feelings.
You should talk to her. Culture is one thing, but the core personality is the biggest determinant. It could be that she just wants your money, or that she digs you and wants to take things slow to make sure that you're the husband material she had you pegged for. Either way, make sure you know her and communicate often.
BTW, Asian cultures have a ritualistic approach to everything from relationships to business. Instead of a written contract or spoken vows, trust is developed and the determining factor for most decisions.
Good luck
Stress.... The uncontrollable urge to choke the living $417 out of someone who desperately needs it.
Ignorance.... The inherent capacity to demand of someone else that which one is too lazy to learn/perform for one's self.
User....An individual who, through immense proportions of ignorance, create stress.
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July 18th, 2001, 10:35 AM
#9
Iron, cant help ya too much but here is my $.02
I am reform, actually atheist jew. My ex was conservative jew from Israel. She ate primaraly kosher and never meat with cheese. I love my cheese dogs and cheese burgers and Ill eat anything that still looks edible. She went to temple...i smoked a joint on the steps. (sorry mods...it was needed to help the story) How did we fix this. Food, no one cared what we ate when, but being I loved (still do actually) her so much I changed my diet when we ate together, it was actually good. Religion, i went into temple and we both partied afterwards.
The only reason she is my ex is because my life fell apart and I broke up with her using the phrase "I would rather never see you again, then it to be my fault if you get hurt." And I disappeared. Luckely her next BF was my best friend and I made sure she was taken care of.
24 Hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence?
I THINK NOT!!!
It Wasn't Me...It Was The One Armed Man.
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July 18th, 2001, 10:37 AM
#10
oh yeah, thats an example of how 2 different people got along. Use it to help your selves.
24 Hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence?
I THINK NOT!!!
It Wasn't Me...It Was The One Armed Man.
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July 19th, 2001, 06:25 AM
#11
Well, it looks like I officially crash and burned. 4 days now without returning a call or e-mail. I'd say she pretty much made up her own mind. Oh well. Thanks for your help guys, I do appriciate it.
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July 19th, 2001, 07:47 AM
#12
Wow, interracial dating. What is next for you? hee hee. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">
I live in my own little world, but it's ok... they know me here
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July 19th, 2001, 07:52 AM
#13
Ouch IT, i know how that feels. Maybe you should send her flowers or show up at her house with a puppy? (j/k about last one hehe) Let just hope that maybe she has been busy or something.
Some people say i am indecisive, but i dont think i am, but sometimes i do.
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July 24th, 2001, 01:09 PM
#14
LOL, thanks for all your advice guys, but I got the killing blow today. The dreaded:
"LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!!!!" email
So, I'd say that about wraps things up for that one. Seems she doesn't like working for the same company, even though she's at an office 45 miles away from mine. Sounds like a nice way of saying thanks but no thanks. Anywho, thanks for all those who helped.
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July 24th, 2001, 04:30 PM
#15
Originally posted by IronTech PC:
<STRONG> "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!!!!" email</STRONG>
Aside from "Guess what, I'm late...." The four most dreaded words a gal can say to a guy.....
Translation: "You're more than welcome to spend money on me anytime you like but you're never going to see me with my clothes off...." <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">
"Badges? We don't need no stinking badges."
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