my wedding rant

[kato2274]

My fiance's family is really starting to piss me off. It's not her mom and dad - they've been pretty good through the whole process. Here's the story:

When we announced our engagement two years ago we told everyone that we were planning a wedding at the beach and individually invited the members of her family that we thought would attended.

For two years both her aunt (godmother) and grandmother have said they were excited and coming. Well about 1 month ago, the wheels started to fall off. We had made room in the large beach house we are renting to lodge wedding guests for her aunt, uncle and two cousins, because all along they said they were coming. last month she tells us that her husband thinks that it's too far to drive, too expensive to fly, and doesn't want the kids missing a day of school. Meanwhile the stuck up a$$ just bought the 16 yr old daughter a Mercedes and takes the kids out of school for a week at a time to vacation in the Bahamas. The aunt says she will TRY to fly partially there and rent a car the rest of the way, but she hasn't given a definitive answer and hasn't sent in her response card so I'd bet any money she's not going to show.

Her grandmother sent in her response card that she was attending and even asked for hotel information, but appearantly has changed her mind 1 month from the wedding because it's too far to drive. Of course she doesn't have the decency to call and tell us personally, no she calls Jamie's mom instead . . . . coward!

Now Jamie is only going to have her mother and dad representing her family and it's just not fair. She deserves better! What really pisses me off is that there are cousins in her family that are around our age that she really enjoys spending time with, but weren't invited because we were trying to keep it to immediate family. Now it's too late to try to invite them because they'll know they weren't the first choice and even if we got around all that awkwardness, it's getting too late to arrange work schedules and the whole mess.

Neither of us would have been the least bit upset if two years ago they said they wouldn't be able to make it. We kind of expected some of that because we were having a far away wedding, but don't lead us on up to 25 days before the event.

why do people have to be such self absorbed a$$holes??? If I say I'm going to do something / be somewhere even to a relative stranger, I'm there. I'm careful about the promises I make, but when I make them, I keep them.

[Darkstar]

Note to self: Never get married.

[Lycia]

Kato, maybe you should have a talk with the Aunt and the Grandma(?) who are not coming and tell them the last paragraph of your post. Explain to them that you wanted only a few immediate family members and that you excluded others just so you could invite them. Ask them if they really want to hurt your fiancee's feelings by not showing up...aahhh guilt...

[SubZero]

My wedding problem was that most of Sara's relatives left after the ceremony.

[PuterGeekGirl]

I have to agree with Lycia....

[Lycia]

Originally posted by PuterGeekGirl
I have to agree with Lycia....

Ah the fun I had growing up with Catholic Guilt...

[ilovetheusers]

I am in full agreement with Lycia and Darstar.


I will not be getting married - ever. Might live with someone forever but no wedding BS for me man. Thank God I'm an athiest.

[Cleetus]

Girlfriend and I will be wed one day, just not soon. With the amount of Bridal Showers(3 she organized, Bachelor parties(2 I organized), gifts and so many other things we have done for people, we are do for lots and lots of loot in payback.

As far as the relatives, that is why I never ever plan anything in advance. Too many things to screw it up. Of course, then again, it really pisses off the woman that I don't plan.

[opiate]

Sorry to hear your troubles fella. hey, listen...your not the only one. I'm getting married in November of this year. Here is our scenario. We're having a baby in March. My fiancé wants to get married before the baby is born. Her father is paying for the wedding. He says we have 2 opinions. (Note: We live in a large metro area with many of the outer parts being small country style towns.) Option 1), to have it at a small country town were her father and mother were married. I don't really like the small town, it's kind of shady. Option 2: Get married at a Yacht Club here in KC where we could have the reception at the same place as the wedding. The Yacht club charges $4200 for renting it one whole day. They cater the food, have tables/chairs/music, etc...and an awesome view that overlooks a lake. This place is awesome. So, the father tells me to put the deposit down on the place and he will pay me back. Well, I went to him the other day and asked for the money back because I needed to pay my 6 month auto insurance premium. He says that they no longer want to pay for the Yacht Club because it's not what they want to do. So, me, wanting to rip his head off says okay and carries on. I call the Yacht Club and ask for a refund. They said sure because our reservation is like 4 months away. I get home a few days later and my girlfriend tells me she has a check from her father for the rest of the Yacht Club fee. I was pissed! Very pissed! So, fine, I called them back the next day and asked if my same reservation date was still available. Guess what? They just reserved it to someone else 20 minutes earlier.

So..we're going to have a wedding in November, we just don't know where yet

[shamus]

As they say, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family....Beth and I will have been married for 10 yrs. in Dec. If I were to change anything, I would have moved 2000 miles away from either of our immediate families.....

[Stalemate]

Like Lycia said, explaining the situation to your future in-laws might make them reconsider, for your fiancee's sake.

Family will usually treat outsiders better than their own, simply for the fact that that family usually just takes it and swallows it's pride instead of putting up a fuss.

My own wedding in 1993 was very small - immediate family only, and the reception was in a local restaurant. The only money put up for us was my wife's dress by my father-in-law (400$ CAN). The cash given to us as a present at the end of the reception covered our electric bill for that month.

It wasn't the best of situations, but at least we look forward to having our honeymoon anytime now.

[Papa Smurf]

Originally posted by Lycia
Kato, maybe you should have a talk with the Aunt and the Grandma(?) who are not coming and tell them the last paragraph of your post. Explain to them that you wanted only a few immediate family members and that you excluded others just so you could invite them. Ask them if they really want to hurt your fiancee's feelings by not showing up...aahhh guilt...

I agree with the all knowing Lycia.

Tell them the reasons they have been ivited make them feel like HAVE to attend and not it would be nice to have you there. Come on how many weddings are they going to attend wherethere grand-daughter ties the knot.

Smurfette and myself are currently planning on who to invite to our big day (10 months and counting ) and I can totally understand your feelings on having people your fiance wants to attened to the wedding turn round and say "Sorry cant make it that day, cant you change the date as we required more notice"

I for one WOULD have a word with them

Cheers
Papa"Agent in trouble"Smurf

[RIOT]

I agree that talking to her relatives might help.

I didn't have a groomsman show up for my wedding, and one of my uncles had to stand in his place.

[Spaceman Spiff]

I agree with Darkstar and Lycia. Further, I agree with PuterGeekGirl who agrees with Lycia, and I agree with ilovetheusers who agrees with Lycia and Darstar, and I agree with Cleetus, opiate, Shamus, and Adept. Finally, I agree with Papa Smurf who agrees with the all-knowing Lycia and I agree with CW_WD_RIOT who doesn't seem to agree with anybody...

[Lycia]

I agree.