Police Hard(ly) at work!!

[Lycia]

Lawmen keeping county safe from G-string danger
Doug Clark feels relief knowing that detectives willing to sacrifice to keep strip clubs in line.


Doug Clark
Staff writer

Ever since 9/11, America has gotten a deeper understanding of the sacrifices that sometimes must be made by those sworn to serve and protect.

In keeping with that spirit, we offer the highest praise to a few of our own brave men who paid the ultimate price.

About 40 bucks apiece.

That's what a number of undercover sheriff's detectives shelled out the other night for lap dances at the Spokane Valley's Deja Vu strip joint, 8722 E. Sprague.

Don't get the wrong impression.

These lawmen did not show up at Deja Vu for mere earthly pleasures.

Hardly. These crimefighters infiltrated this den of Deja Vulgarity for the noblest of purposes:

To enforce the Four-Foot Buffer Zone.

It's the law. Strippers in Spokane County must come no closer than 4 feet to a customer -- namely some pathetic, middle-aged bozo.

Think of the Four-Foot Buffer Zone as the invisible sneeze guard protecting society from the salad bar of sin.

I thank God every day for the Four-Foot Buffer Zone.

Without it, why, I couldn't walk down a sidewalk without strange, shapely women rubbing their nubile bodies against me over and over and ...

But I digress.

The mission was carried out by elite members of the Sheriff's Office ISU -- the Illicit Skin Unit.

Every now and then, the ISU heads to the VU to see if the girls are getting too up-close and personal with the ol' bumpage and grindage.

It's a special lawman who'll give up his lap to the call of booty.

SERGEANT: "OK, fellas. Now we got three burglaries to investigate and six meth houses to raid. Uh, we also need some volunteers to go to Deja Vu and do an undercover lap dance sting.

(Sounds of desks overturning and stampeding feet.)

SERGEANT (Hollering): "Guys. Come back. Guuuuys!"

Go ahead, snicker. Many of you don't understand the kind of pressures these men were up against.

Literally.

Enduring the undulations of some unclad bimbo named Dark Angel might not quite measure up to the hunt for bin Laden. But you can bet this kind of torture would make James Bond scream for his mama.

As in: "Mammmaaa!! Ooooh, Mammmma!!"

Yet according to the official Spokane County Sheriff's Office news release, during the violations "the detectives maintained their cover."

It is quite probable the strippers did not.

According to the release, the lap dances took place in back rooms, which presumably were dimly lit and smelling of cheap gardenia perfume.

An hour later (after a cold shower and a few cigarettes?), the detectives returned to the scene of the crime. This time, the report states, they wore masks.

The masks are not to be confused with the kinky leather bondage variety favored by Marv "The Biter" Albert.

These masks were worn to cloak the identities of the ISU secret agents as well as hide their still-grinning faces.

It was a successful bust on all fronts.

Five Jezebels as well as the Deja Vu manager were cited and released on criminal misdemeanors. The report, however, is not clear as to whether any of the dancers performed well enough to deserve any tips.

Let's hope not.

As for the detectives, well, the fight for them never ends.

Wherever there are strippers gliding around on brass poles -- they will be there.

Wherever there are sweaty men stuffing dollar bills into G-strings -- they will be there.

And wherever there are laps looking for a dance -- they will be there.

This is the kind of public service we too often take for granted.

But not here. Not today. Not on my watch.

God bless the ISU.

[Chris_MacMahon]

my heart goes out to the brave and heroic police units....
such as the donut testers, and the isu....with out those men and women in blue where would we be??
a lot thinner, and over sexxed....dang

[Budd]

i have a lot of good memories of the Spokane VU. once apon a time, if you had $300 you could get a "private" showing with two of the girls there. to bad i never had $300

[DocPC]

LOL! My office is about 10 blocks from there.........not that I ever go or anything......

Spokane cops are @ssholes.........and stupid.