User Classifications....

[mrwilhelm]

I thought it might be kind of fun to classify and catagorize the various types of users most of us have had to deal with on a fairly regular basis over the years. I'll throw out a few off the top of my head to start with, then feel free to comment or add to the list:

The Installer -

Favorite computing activity is downloading and installing free junkware off of the internet because he or she is too lazy or stupid to learn an actual app. Will spend more time in Add/Remove Programs in a day than the typical power user does in a month.

The Tinkerer -

My least favorite type of user. Thinks they know more than they actually do, but in reality knows just enough to be extremely dangerous. Loves to tinker underneath the hood of an OS even though more often than not they don't even know which OS they're actually running. Would randomly push buttons on an atomic bomb just to see what would happen if given half the chance.

The Denier -

Constantly screwing up their machines, but it's never anything he or she did. Are immune to every type of fault or blame imaginable. PC's either self destruct by themselves while they are at lunch, or gremlins sneak in during the middle of the night and gum up the works. Both the "Installer" and the "Tinkerer" will often fall into this catagory as well

The Ultra-Conservative -

Even though PC in 6 months old, desktop still has same solid blue wallpaper and advertising icons for every ISP imaginable it did when it was taken out of the box and booted up the first time. Were never changed or deleted because he or she was afraid that doing so would "Screw something up".

This is my favorite type of user BTW. Not because they hardly ever mess their PC's up (which is true enough), but because they also tend to be very open to learning and will actually listen to and follow advice.

[Wayward Clam]

The Superior Technician - this user knows more about computers than you do, and will never stop reminding you of this, and yet mysteriously, their computer doesn't work, and they somehow still have to pay you to fix it, although they never agree with your diagnosis and will explain away your success in repairing the machine as some other random factor such as dumb luck or miracles.

The Well Behaved User - obeys sensible computing rules, values the expertise of the tech, never questions the bill. This user is a myth, like the Holy Grail; millions spend their lives searching for this person, but you will never find them.

[geeksRus]

The Upgrader -
brings you a pentium 150 pro with 32 megs ram and a 2 gig hard drive. wants new burner AND cd-rom AND nic installed so he can download and burn mp3s with his new cable access. all without changing the basic system platform. gives you a blank stare as you try to explain just where he is going wrong, then replies that his neighbor 'who knows about computers' said he didnt need a new case, motherboard, processor, memory, etc.

[mrwilhelm]

Ah yes, I know that breed well. The worst offenders are the ones that picked up an old 386 at a garage sale for fifty cents and want you to load it up with Windows XP. Oye...

How about this one...

The Misleader -

You never know exactly what you're getting yourself into because the user can't get his or her's basic computer terminology straight. The computer is actually their monitor, memory is actually disk space, "the pointer" is actually their mouse, etc., etc...

[NooNoo]

"The Green One"

This user covets everyone else's machines and their ability to use one. However, they are never prepared to actually pay for parts they need in order to get the system to do what they want. Having exhausted every avenue they then vocalise at parties and such how useless technicians are because they cannot change the computer from red to green... of course the offender omits to say that he refuses to pay either for the labour or for the parts.

This person attracts the "Neighbour who knows" like moths to a flame. However the Neighbour often is completely defeated by the Green One and has to then suffer the rumours going round the neighbourhood about his lack of ability.

"The Neighbour Who Knows"

Is forced to move neighbourhoods regularly but is actually a great source of income for technicians. The Neighbour Who Knows will draw on the experience of the Tinkerer and the Installer... however he will go one step further and install hardware without checking compatibility. The hardware is usually second hand and the driver cd is nowhere to be found. The Neighbour who Knows normally has an Ebay Seller's account with a low rating.

[Atodini]

My pet hate is "The Gamer"

We've got a few of these, they never use AV software because "it slows the machine down"! They also have a tendency to fill up the HD with anything & everything that's free on the net......Kazaa is the local favourite.....

They all seem to use "pirate" software, so never have the master discs.....

They insist you don't "nuke" and re-install because they'll lose their saved games....

Then they complain at the cost of clearing out the hundreds of viruses, adware, scumware etc.

Shooting's too good for them!!

[Archer]

they never use AV software because "it slows the machine down"

The Saintly Sinner

They never ever,ever,ever had a virus or spyware on thier system before the tech got their hands on it and it was formatted out of meanness losing all of their precious "pictures"

[Wayward Clam]

The Neighbour Who Knows is my bestest friend.

The Customer Who Knows Better: accompanies a client of yours into your store if you have one, or will look on at your workplace if you are supporting people, and looks over your shoulder and the shoulder of the client if you will let him. Describes in poignant detail what is wrong with your diagnosis of the problem and why you clearly do not know what you are doing compared to him/her. Attempting to combat the Customer Who Knows Better with logic or evidence is useless--they are immune.

[geoscomp]

And don't forget the Friend who Helps..a close relative of the neighbor who knows..This person installs all the newest upgrades..WindowsXP, Office, etc. etc. with suspect software just to help the customer out....never thinking that a 4 gb hard drive with 3.99 gb of data maybe aint good.

[goinpostal]

The Repeat offender:

These are the users that download/install spyware unknowingly for the preety skins/wallpaper. After you remove said software and inform them what the problem was all is well. Until you get a call 2 weeks later and guess whats been reinstalled?

Webshots

The Relative/Friend

You build/fix this users PC (at cost) out of the kindness of your heart. Not realizing you have commited yourself to supporting it for life, no matter what they install or do to it. "you fixed it last time, you built it".

My Father has 2 MACs and knows squat about computers. He still calls me and my Bro for help who both are in IT (windows-based) for help and won't buy a PC cause they are too hard to use. I know that second mouse button is real confusing.

[Cleetus]

The Executive

Can't be bothered to learn what to do with a computer other than e-mail and checking stocks. Must have everything working properly 24/7 but can't be bothered to have you come in and fix anything that might be broken. Gets really confused by pressing ctrl-alt-del to login, and don't ever make them change their password. Must have the fastest computer on the market always irregardless of the many people who actually do work for a living yet can't get anything better than a Compaq P2 Presorryo due to the budgets.

[meatwad]

The Cheapsurfer - That wonderful customer who whines that your ripping him off and doesn't want to pay you $5 for an IDE cable because he can "go online and order one for $1. Of course he has to wait a week and pay $3 shipping.

The Big Spender - Wants the absolute best of everything. Fastest CPU, Max out the RAM, DVD-RW drive, 19" Flat Panel, 200GB hard drive, 128MB GC.

Me - "What will you be using your computer for sir?"
Customer - "Mostly Word and E-mail."

[Darkstar]

Haha! This is great - I can name a person here for just about every one of these categories. Some belong to several.

[Archer]

Cleetus just brought one to mind

Mr Nopassword.[usually an Executive]

cant be bothered to remember one basic password and has no sense of what system security is.

[NooNoo]

"Unteachable"

You go through the clicks that the person has to do to say print a document 10 times in a row, the last 9 of which the person has been clicking exactly where they were told. You then say " Now you do it on your own" and they answer "So what do I click first again?"