Liverpool is European Capital of Culture ...

[confus-ed]

Liverpool named European capital of culture - the Guardian

Somebody is seriously derranged ! How the hell have the 'Scallys' won that !?!

For any non uk members bemused by my comments, Liverpool is a UK City home of the Beatles & what used to be a decent football (soccer) team .... Someone from Liverpool is either a Liverpudlian or around the rest of the country a 'Scally' ... Scally is short for Scallywag - a robber 'cos Liverpool is full of little thieving scroats !!

So anyway it can't last long some Scally will steal it & sell it to Birmingham so they can go buy some smack !!

[NooNoo]

Never heard of "scally" - Scouse yes...

Confus-ed Liverpool is a very big city - and very few are theives - joking or not, I think it very unwise to label the entire population of any city thieves on an international site... or for that matter any site.

My great aunt is certainly no thief.

[confus-ed]

Never heard of Scallys? you thankfully must lead a sheltered life...

Joke or not what does Liverpool do to qualify as European Capital of Culture ? ...

The only thing good to come out of Liverpool (With the exception of Noo's Aunt) is the M62 !!

Scouse is another misused term it only applies to the red half of the city not the blue !

I think its fairly obvious I'm 'aving a larf ! Anyway there must be some decent folk for the Scallys to rob !

[gazzak]

LIVERPOOL OLYMPIC BID

In an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2004, the organizers of Liverpool's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events. A copy of which has been leaked, and is reproduced below.

OPENING CEREMONY

The Olympic flame will be ignited be a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the city, wearing the traditional balaclava. The flame will be contained in a large chip van situated on the roof of the Stadium.

THE EVENTS

In previous Olympic games, Liverpool's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT

Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

110 METRES HURDLES

As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc.)

HAMMER

Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use claw, sledge etc.) the winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to members of the public within the time allowed.

FENCING

Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen silver and jewellery as possible in 5 minutes.

SHOOTING

A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or securicor style wages deliveryman.

BOXING

Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS

Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

CYCLING PURSUIT

As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

MODERN PENTATHLON

Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.

THE MARATHON

A safe route has yet to be decided, but the competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course.

SWIMMING

Competitors will be thrown into the Mersey. The first three survivor’s back will decide the medals.

MEN'S 50KM WALK

Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Liverpool.

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Liverpool Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronized rock throwing, and music by the Kirkby community choir. The Olympic flame will be extinguished be someone dropping an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the block of flats next to the stadium. The stadium itself will the be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.

[confus-ed]

See ! Gazzak understands

If Rome or Milan or Paris or Edinburgh (a previous winner) - wherever had been named I could understand ... but what 'Culturally' does Liverpool have to offer ... lots of blokes with Curly hair saying 'All right ... calm down ... calm down ' ?

What are the 'hidden gems' that make it qualify ? Sounds like some scam to me to give it a big fat European Aid Grant without us breaking any funding rules !!!!

[Cleetus]

Yeah, I just hate those damened liverpoolian peoples!!!

Where is liverpool anyway?

[confus-ed]

Assuming of course you know where Brittain is

[Platypus]

Originally posted by confus-ed
Brittain

Spell checker must be a brummy...


Scally:

http://www.terraceretro.com/so.html

[freddy]

OUCH!

what do you call a scouse in a tie?


the accused.



PS I live about 30m from liverpool , and over the last few years it has turned into a pleasent city.


I have many friends who live there, it is no better / worse than any other city in the UK.


see i,m stickin up for liverpool (have to - coz they will nick my *cozzy* if i don,t)

PPS ,,,,did,nt the *boswells* (bread) not teach u anything.



alan

[Jeff the Brit]

One of the cruellest remarks I've seen about Liverpool this week was on the BBC website. Some wag commented that the only thing in Liverpool that can be cultured is mould.

A couple of Scouse jokes for you all:

What do you call a Scouse in a posh house? A burglar.

What do you call a Scouse wearing a suit? The accused.


The local phrase for a turd is a Mersey trout. (Mersey - the river that flows past the city)

By the way, I have family in Liverpool ... and they all laugh at Scouse jokes too.

[confus-ed]

Originally posted by Platypus
Spell checker must be a brummy...

Don't we deserve two Ts ? My mistook ...... The bloke who did the map doesn't seem to know what the UK is either when I look ... They miss-ed a bit !... doesn't Northern Ireland count ? That's being mean to a whole country ... not just a town !...

I should shut up though, I can't type !

[techguy13]

Wow this thread is like reading a Guy Ritchie movie but without having to endure the Madonna song track .

[Pinnacle]

Originally posted by confus-ed
See ! Gazzak understands

If Rome or Milan or Paris or Edinburgh (a previous winner) - wherever had been named I could understand ... but what 'Culturally' does Liverpool have to offer ... lots of blokes with Curly hair saying 'All right ... calm down ... calm down ' ?

What are the 'hidden gems' that make it qualify ? Sounds like some scam to me to give it a big fat European Aid Grant without us breaking any funding rules !!!!

I have never been to Liverpool, however I can not help but wonder if you are being a bit rough on them. I have heard bad things about a bunch of cities, but after visiting, did not find them to be entirely bad. I can not believe Liverpool is entirely bad either.

[Rellik]

So are we calling Liverpool the Los Angeles of the UK, or the New York of the UK?

[confus-ed]

Originally posted by Pinnacle
I have never been to Liverpool, however I can not help but wonder if you are being a bit rough on them. I have heard bad things about a bunch of cities, but after visiting, did not find them to be entirely bad. I can not believe Liverpool is entirely bad either.

No ... obviously even Liverpool can't be all bad ! I had the dubious pleasure of living there for a year & yeah there are some 'nice' bits .... & since the Toxteth riots they've spent quite a lot on the centre ... at a push I might even describe that as 'pleasant' .... but however 'backhandily' nice I might be I can find no justification for dubbing it 'European Culture Capital' ... so I did cheap jokes instead hoping somebody might actually say what was so 'Cultural' ....

All I see/hear on the news etc just says what a 'bonus' it'll be for the city, no doubt it will ! But as I said earlier it just smells like a 'put up job' to give it a big fat European Aid grant ... how for instance did Liverpool beat Oxford ? & why were all the finalists English cities ?? This just sounds like more 'spin' from His Royal InChargeness Tony 'El Presidente' Flair.... !!!!!!