Computer Jokes...Anyone?

[Orangeman]

Hey Gang,

Anybody heard any computer jokes lately, or maybe your computer is a joke...eh, eh.

Anyway, I'll start us off wit this one:Top Five Reasons Computers Must Be Female


5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[Outcoded]

What goes "Peices of seven! Peices of seven!"?

A parroty error

[Orangeman]

I'm surprised nobody here knows any good computer jokes, or maybe you need four letter words to tell them. Okay, here's another:

It is the year 2100. Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing battle over control on Earth. Each had been trying to destroy the other but Man kept resurrecting them. Finally God challenged them to a computer contest. And whoever won, got control over Earth....

In the first round they had to build their own computer. So they built each these super-duper computers, each with every part conceiveable and inconceiveable to man.

Then they had to use the computers they built and God was giving them rapid fire instructions at lightening fast speed. Each finished at about a tie.

The final round was the word processing round. Each Jesus and Satan were neck and neck at this round too, typing at about 1,000,000 wps. Finally God pulled a fast one. He deliberately caused a power outage. All the power in both Satan's and Jesus' computer was gone.

After the power was restored the contest was declared over. Satan was bitter and empty handed because all his work was gone. Jesus, on the other hand was jubililant and singing praises of the Lord, "Why?"

God shrugged and said, because..... "Jesus saves".

[Ya_know]

Booo...Hissssss.

[Matridom]

9x computer practical joke..

edit msdos.sys, add the line

"bootsafe=1"

Watch tech tear hair out trying to fix.

[Kineda]

Matridom you are an evil evil man..... between that joke and the little spying program you found for that other thread .....

[Matridom]

Originally posted by Kineda
Matridom you are an evil evil man..... between that joke and the little spying program you found for that other thread .....

/me takes a bow

[Kineda]

careful karma is a b!tch

[Matridom]

Originally posted by Kineda
careful karma is a b!tch

i know, I've learned a lot being the "butt" of many of these jokes.. This IS karma

[Kineda]

Originally posted by Matridom
i know, I've learned a lot being the "butt" of many of these jokes.. This IS karma

im gonna have to remember the 98 joke tho i got a newbie temp coming in in a week, you know one of the guys that killed our industry....he was one of the mooks that heard an ad on the radio about boot camp and said i can do that...u should see his resume after only being a tech for 3 months, if i find a scanner i'll post it....

[ephmynus]

Originally posted by Kineda
Matridom you are an evil evil man..... between that joke and the little spying program you found for that other thread .....

I missed that one.... where's that?

[Kineda]

Originally posted by ephmynus
I missed that one.... where's that?

Sneaky

[Matridom]

Originally posted by Kineda
im gonna have to remember the 98 joke tho i got a newbie temp coming in in a week, you know one of the guys that killed our industry....he was one of the mooks that heard an ad on the radio about boot camp and said i can do that...u should see his resume after only being a tech for 3 months, if i find a scanner i'll post it....

hmm... Let me find some stuff to post for later.....

edit : Lot's of good stuff here..

http://support.microsoft.com/default...b;en-us;118579

These three in commbination are a killer..

BootKeys=Boolean
Default: 1
Purpose: A setting of 1 enables the use of the function key boot options (that is, F4, F5, F6, F8, and CTRL). A setting of 0 disables the use of these function keys during the boot process

BootSafe=Boolean
Default: 0
Purpose: A setting of 1 forces your computer to boot in Safe mode.

BootWarn=Boolean
Default: 1
Purpose: A setting of 0 disables the Safe-mode boot warning message and the Startup menu.

[Orangeman]

I can just imagine someone disassembling their computer, checking their RAM, reloading Windws, reformating their hard drive, and even getting a new computer because it only booted into Safe Mode. That's WICKED!!!

Another thing to do is to delete the MSDOS.SYS file completely. It won't boot at all. Its not as deadly but a lot of people will go nuts trying to fix it.

[Kineda]

Originally posted by Matridom
BootKeys=Boolean
Default: 1
Purpose: A setting of 1 enables the use of the function key boot options (that is, F4, F5, F6, F8, and CTRL). A setting of 0 disables the use of these function keys during the boot process

Ouch poor tech.... oh it is so on the next one that crosses my path, friend or not im gonna leave them out there for a while before i say whats up