God vs. Satan
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: God vs. Satan

  1. #1
    Registered User Damned Angel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 1999
    Location
    Winnipeg, MB
    Posts
    2,583

    God vs. Satan

    In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables.

    He did this so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

    Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Queen and Tim Horton's. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said: "Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles." And lo and behold they gained 10 pounds.

    And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.

    So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened the ir belts following the repast.

    God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

    Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on more pounds.

    God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging suits.

    God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calor ies and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?" And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said: " It is good."

    And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

    God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

    Satan chuckled and created The Canadian Health Care System.

  2. #2
    Registered User Damned Angel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 1999
    Location
    Winnipeg, MB
    Posts
    2,583
    bet you thought this was going to be some serious thread huh?

  3. #3
    Registered User WebHead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Posts
    8,208
    Hehe,... Yeah!
    Hello World

  4. #4
    Registered User MobilePCPhysician's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Cleveland, Oh
    Posts
    2,384
    So how come we run up North to buy your drugs????
    Sergeant WOTPP

  5. #5
    Registered User Orangeman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Sunny Tacoma, WA
    Posts
    3,536
    Quote Originally Posted by Damned Angel


    God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

    Satan chuckled and created The Canadian Health Care System.
    Yeah, but in the US the same operation would cost you at least twice as much, which might cause another heart-attack......
    Bouncy Bouncy

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 1999
    Location
    River Falls, WI
    Posts
    2,433
    What this is not a Democrat vs. Republican thread?

  7. #7
    Registered User Damned Angel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 1999
    Location
    Winnipeg, MB
    Posts
    2,583
    Quote Originally Posted by Orangeman
    Yeah, but in the US the same operation would cost you at least twice as much, which might cause another heart-attack......
    yea, but I would not get a bill at all for this operation in Canada. It would just take 6-8 months to get it, by which time I would be dead.

Similar Threads

  1. God is a programmer - proof!
    By Gabriel in forum Tech Lounge & Tales
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: September 20th, 2003, 04:21 AM
  2. God Bless America
    By Lycia in forum Tech Lounge & Tales
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: July 24th, 2002, 09:52 PM
  3. Important message for @Home users
    By SubZero in forum Tech Lounge & Tales
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: November 29th, 2001, 09:10 AM
  4. [RESOLVED] Recent Events: For those who believe in God
    By IT Len in forum Tech Lounge & Tales
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: September 17th, 2001, 11:32 PM
  5. God Cable & Pay Per View
    By Matt_29 in forum Tech Lounge & Tales
    Replies: 83
    Last Post: May 10th, 2001, 11:42 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •