breaking news UK ,,earthquake

[freddy]

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit In the early hours of Wednesday 22 nd december 2004. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "F*ck*n ell" and "whatta cant" The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30.57p worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars and motorbikes were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

Essex FM News (State Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population or neighbouring areas of Vange, Pitsea and Laindon.

**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked.
'ROMFORD' said the girl 'woss that got to do with you?'

THIS IS A SPOOF , NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

[3fingersalute]

I haven't seen this anywhere else..............links ???

[TechZ]

freddy being freddy



j/k

[rgharper]

I haven't seen this anywhere else..............links ???

It's a satire piece. Saw it elsewhere about four or five months ago.

[WebHead]

Well a 5.8 is not anything to brag about anyway. We just got one of those recently and I worked right through it without even flinching. A 5.8 earthquake for a Californian is like 20mph winds and an inch of rain for a Floridian.

But if this story is true, then I hope nobody was hurt or killed.

[3fingersalute]

It's a satire piece.

I know, as was my reply

[Atodini]

It's a satire piece. Saw it elsewhere about four or five months ago.

Also a very British piece - I guess that none of you guys have ever been to Basildon..... or the county of Essex where it's located.

I spent a month there one afternoon - get the picture.

In fact, got a job later today in the nearby town of South Ockendon, which is very nearly as bad!!

John

[rgharper]

I know, as was my reply

I would SWEAR that smiley wasn't there when I replied.

[Ya_know]

Well a 5.8 is not anything to brag about anyway. We just got one of those recently and I worked right through it without even flinching. A 5.8 earthquake for a Californian is like 20mph winds and an inch of rain for a Floridian.

But if this story is true, then I hope nobody was hurt or killed.

Ok tuff guy...I was in CA during the 94 Northridge earthquake, 6.7, not a whole lot more potent then 5.8, and the NR quake leveled freeway overpasses, and took out quite a few buildings...The only reason it took so few lives, less then 60 if I recall, was because it happened at 430 in the morning. Had it been rush hour it would have been in the thousands. I was 80+ miles from the epicenter of the first hit, and it shook me right out of bed. We only lost power on the base, but it was still nothing to laugh at anywhere in the state.

The 5.8 you speak of recently may not have been that close to you, hence you were mildly amused by it. Try being at the center of the beast next time, and tell me you wouldn’t sh!t your pants the next time you feel one. And don’t give me that hardened CA resident mentality either. There ain’t a one of you over there that doesn’t fear gettin' killed from a quake…

[iceman]

Perhapes you should study the scale! It would explain why the diff between a 5.8 and 6.7.

The Richter scale is a standard scale used to compare earthquakes. It is a logarithmic scale, meaning that the numbers on the scale measure factors of 10. So, for example, an earthquake that measures 4.0 on the Richter scale is 10 times larger than one that measures 3.0. On the Richter scale, anything below 2.0 is undetectable to a normal person and is called a microquake. Microquakes occur constantly. Moderate earthquakes measure less than 6.0 or so on the Richter scale. Earthquakes measuring more than 6.0 can cause significant damage. The maximum quake rating ever measured is about 8.9.

[corturbra]

you lot don,t get it do you?

this is taking the piss out of the youth culture of the UK

Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms

£5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. a giro is a state payout for unemployed people



do you understand it now?

I got it Freddy thanks for the afternoon entertainment.

[Ya_know]

What's "you lot" mean?

[NooNoo]

you lot, the mob, the guys, the gang, the people in some form of lose membership or association.....

[WebHead]

Ok tuff guy...I was in CA during the 94 Northridge earthquake, 6.7, not a whole lot more potent then 5.8, and the NR quake leveled freeway overpasses, and took out quite a few buildings...The only reason it took so few lives, less then 60 if I recall, was because it happened at 430 in the morning. Had it been rush hour it would have been in the thousands. I was 80+ miles from the epicenter of the first hit, and it shook me right out of bed. We only lost power on the base, but it was still nothing to laugh at anywhere in the state.

The 5.8 you speak of recently may not have been that close to you, hence you were mildly amused by it. Try being at the center of the beast next time, and tell me you wouldn’t sh!t your pants the next time you feel one. And don’t give me that hardened CA resident mentality either. There ain’t a one of you over there that doesn’t fear gettin' killed from a quake…

A 5.8 is 10x bigger than a 4.8. A 6.8 is 10x bigger than a 5.8. So your 6.7 quake is significantly bigger than a 5.8. Also,.. you're right, it does depend on the location too. However, if you are at the epicenter, you are likely to feel the least force. It's the rolling waves of force that come FROM the epicenter that do the most damage. As far as a "hardened CD resident mentality" goes,.. during loma prieta I was standing in the door way of the bathroom talking to a friend on the phone during it. I understand you had your few years of living here at one time and that you've had some experiences of your own, but I have been living here for 32 years and have lived through plenty of quakes my friend.

[Titchski]

Wasn't this originally about that Midlands bastion of chav culture, Dudley - Or, to the locals DudLaaaaaaay - where a real earthquake occurred in 2002?

4 hours to go till I board the plane, the accent is starting to show when I call people, my voicemail message is unintelligible

Merry Christmas everyone