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August 23rd, 2005, 02:07 PM
#1
Registered User
The best of TECH humor
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
===============
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August 23rd, 2005, 02:20 PM
#2
Registered User
Hilarious! I am going to start writing down the ones we come across here... ( Try the other right mouse button... there you go! )
" I don't like the idea of getting shot in the hand" -Blackie in "Rustlers Rhapsody"
" It is a proud and lonely thing, to be a Stainless Steel Rat." - Slippery Jim DiGriz
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August 23rd, 2005, 02:59 PM
#3
Chat Operator
me.. "Alright Mme, can you right click on the my computer icon?"
customer.. "Sure, give me a sec."
me.. "Ok, what do you see on your screen now?"
customer.. "Well, i see the word click you just had me write on the screen"
me.. "....."
<Ferrit> Take 1 live chicken, cut the head off, dance around doing the hokey pokey and chanting: GO AWAY BAD VIRUS, GO AWAY BAD VIRUS
-----------------------
Windows 7 Pro x64
Asus P5QL Deluxe
Intel Q6600
nVidia 8800 GTS 320
6 gigs of Ram
2x60 gig OCZ Vertex SSD (raid 0)
WD Black 750 gig
Antec Tri power 750 Watt PSU
Lots of fans
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August 23rd, 2005, 03:06 PM
#4
Registered User
Customer logging into a live chat.
"Hi am I on the internet yet?
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August 23rd, 2005, 07:50 PM
#5
Customer: I lost my document.
Me: Where did you save it?
Customer: In Word.
Me:
St. Atala raised the Holy Hand Grenade up on high saying "Oh, Lord! Bless this, thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."
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August 23rd, 2005, 07:54 PM
#6
Customer: How do I download a sound card into my computer?
St. Atala raised the Holy Hand Grenade up on high saying "Oh, Lord! Bless this, thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."
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August 23rd, 2005, 07:57 PM
#7
Customer: Why did my laptop stop working?
Me: It looks damaged. What happened?
Customer: Oh, that's just where I dropped it in the parking lot, didn't realize it and backed my Tahoe over it. But, why won't it work?
St. Atala raised the Holy Hand Grenade up on high saying "Oh, Lord! Bless this, thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."
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August 26th, 2005, 01:02 PM
#8
Registered User
Heres another one to laugh at! Customer calls and says " I am having a prob with my sound card" I tell them "Go to my computer" to get to device manager of course. Customer says " what do you mean I am at my computer ,how am I suppose to go to yours! " What would we do without these Customers! lol.
Don't Worry be Happy! Things could always be Worse.. There is a fix for everything!
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