Best insults? ( please keep it clean! )

**Guts3d** · July 13th, 2007, 10:26 AM

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you.

I could carve a better man out of a banana.

I hope your leg falls off and then you trip over it.

Some of the better insults I have read...

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege.

Being the loudest kid on the short bus is not something to be proud of.

If he stands sideways in a breeze, he's got to put a finger in his ear to keep his head from whistling.

He's about as sharp as a sock full of soup.

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

**NooNoo** · July 13th, 2007, 11:03 AM

Has the IQ of a sugar puff / fruit loops / [insert local breakfast cereal]

If he had a brain he would be dangerous

If he had dynamite for brains he wouldn't have enough to blow his head off

Have a day off, you can't be stupid all your life.

**street1** · July 13th, 2007, 08:56 PM

Problem with new workers is,everytime you give them a ten minute break
you have to start training them all over again.

She's so ugly she has to beat her feet to make them go to bed with her.

Someone must have stomped real hard by your crib when you were a newborn
Fella....Cause your bread ain't quite done.

**slgrieb** · July 13th, 2007, 09:13 PM

You aren't even the sharpest spoon in the drawer!

I bet your family tree doesn't have any branches.

You couldn't count your feet and come up with the same number twice.

We've got a lot in common. Your IQ, and my shoe size.

Your dog won't hunt.

**Platypus** · July 13th, 2007, 09:29 PM

He's as sharp as a bag o' wet mice. (Foghorn Leghorn)

He's a few kangaroos short in the top paddock.

He couldn't manage snake control in Ireland.

Has failure gone to your head?

**Platypus** · July 13th, 2007, 10:18 PM

She was a parasite for sore eyes.

When you're alone, you keep bad company.

You can always tell when he's lying, his lips are moving.

He's always lost in thought - it's such unfamiliar territory.

**slgrieb** · July 13th, 2007, 10:23 PM

When she says you were adopted, your mother's lying.

**houseisland** · July 13th, 2007, 11:12 PM

It's not that you're simple. It's just that you're not complicated.

____________________________________________

It is my pure and virtuous heart that
gives me the strength of ten!

**NooNoo** · July 14th, 2007, 04:04 AM

He couldn't find his butt with both hands...

**rgharper** · July 14th, 2007, 07:48 AM

(He/She) is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

Lovely house, too bad no one's home.

(His/her) elevator never quite makes it to the top floor, does it?

(He/She) couldn't find (his/her) butt with both hands, a flashlight and a hunting dog. (variation "... and a map.")

(He/She) couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

**houseisland** · July 14th, 2007, 09:27 AM

You couldn't have done any better. ..... No, really!

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

____________________________________________

It is my pure and virtuous heart that
gives me the strength of ten!

**Ferrit** · July 14th, 2007, 09:44 AM

She's ugly enuff to make a train take a dirt road

**NooNoo** · July 14th, 2007, 04:32 PM

He's perfectly balanced, he has a chip on both shoulders.

**El_Squid** · July 16th, 2007, 02:37 PM

The final line of my favorite curse:

So when you're old and feeble,
And a syphillitic wreck,
May your spine fall through your arsehole
And break your frikking neck!

He/she is the poster boy/girl for retroactive abortion.

I didn't know they could stack manure that high.

**FatalException0E** · July 18th, 2007, 03:45 PM

[QUOTE=NooNoo]
If he had dynamite for brains he wouldn't have enough to blow his head off

QUOTE]
The way I heard that one was not enough to blow his nose.

My mechanic likes to say 'The nut behind the wheel has a screw loose'

If I had a dog that looked like you, I'd shave it's butt and teach it to walk backwards.

He's as sharp as a pound of wet liver.

He's as smart as a bag of hammers.