When in Texas...

[El_Squid]

I think I have found a practical guide for anyone planning to visit, or move, to the Lone Star State.

ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS

1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.

4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.

5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All
y'all's" is plural possessive.

6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

10. There are no delis. Don't ask.

11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.

12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.

13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven

14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.

16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!

17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is.

18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.

19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.

20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.

21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'Margarita.'

23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.

24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".

26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.

28. "Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

Hope this clears it up.

[Niclo Iste]

Used to live in Oklahoma. Funniest part of this whole thing is it's true.

[El_Squid]

Used to live in Oklahoma.

I still do!

[Niclo Iste]

Was just south of Tulsa in a boonies town called Okmulgee. I am glad I got away from there but I really miss the stuff I did there for fun. Some things I miss are: Goin' to the lake, drinkin out in a field with a bonfire, the heat of the summer,the flat land, and most of all the better road planning of SQUARE city blocks. PA somehow when forming the city of Pittsburgh they said "you know all this city planning and organization is a bunch of pretty nonsensical BS let's just give my 2 year old a crayon and build the city roadways based on what he thinks is a good layout." Ah well days gone by is all that is I guess.

[edball]

I still do!

Do you? I thought you were lost. See PM.

[El_Squid]

Was just south of Tulsa in a boonies town called Okmulgee. I am glad I got away from there but I really miss the stuff I did there for fun. Some things I miss are: Goin' to the lake, drinkin out in a field with a bonfire, the heat of the summer,the flat land, and most of all the better road planning of SQUARE city blocks. PA somehow when forming the city of Pittsburgh they said "you know all this city planning and organization is a bunch of pretty nonsensical BS let's just give my 2 year old a crayon and build the city roadways based on what he thinks is a good layout." Ah well days gone by is all that is I guess.

Hey, Nicto. My dad was born in Henryetta, just down the road from Okmulgee, where my grandmother lived. As I recall, the land around those parts is pretty hilly, full of old coal mines and such. Did you ever go to Coleman's Burgers?

Of course, you do realize you were living in an area known as Little Dixie? Sundowner laws and all. The people there can get somewhat scary at times. Uber Red Necks! Henryetta's two favorite sons: Troy Aikman, former QB for the Cowboys, and Jim Shoulders, legendary rodeo champion.

[Niclo Iste]

Aww man Colemans was the best thing ever I miss it. Too bad it closed down. But have you been to Masseys BBQ? That place has the best BBQ I could get. Funny thing 2 days ago we were talking about Sonic and how I could go for a Cherry Lime-Ade. These Yanks up here in PA don't know what that is and they actually get a sick face when I talk about it. Someone out there likes me though because they opened up a Sonic in this state only 30 min away from where I am. My dad owned some land in Henryetta that was strip mined for coal. Was a great place to camp/hunt, and have a bonfire. Of course most of our partying usually was in the Beggs, Okmulgee lake area. Wow all of that just brought up a lot of fond memories.

[El_Squid]

Massey's BBQ, ey? I'll have to try it. It's been quite a while since I've been up thata way. Yeah, Coleman's had the best burgers ever.

Gratz on the new Sonic. My wife is crazy about Cherry Limeaids, extra cherry, while I'm a Cherry-Vanilla Coke man myself. Have you tried Braum's Cherry Limeaids? They're pretty awesome as well.

If I remember correctly, them Yankees don't know that Gravy is one of the Major Food Groups, such as Bicuits and Gravy, or a Chicken Fried Steak with Mashed Taters smothered in White Gravy and lots of pepper.

[Niclo Iste]

Massey's BBQ, ey? I'll have to try it. It's been quite a while since I've been up thata way. Yeah, Coleman's had the best burgers ever.

Gratz on the new Sonic. My wife is crazy about Cherry Limeaids, extra cherry, while I'm a Cherry-Vanilla Coke man myself. Have you tried Braum's Cherry Limeaids? They're pretty awesome as well.

If I remember correctly, them Yankees don't know that Gravy is one of the Major Food Groups, such as Bicuits and Gravy, or a Chicken Fried Steak with Mashed Taters smothered in White Gravy and lots of pepper.

Braum's Cherry Limeaids? Hah man I worked there several years when I was in highschool. I still remember how to make them but the Cherry Syrup I find in the stores here is weak so I can't make them like I did back then. I worked at Braum's way too long. I can still tell you a good portion of procedures that they used to have back in 1996. (oops I just dated myself) Yeah it's funny asking for a breakfast of biscuits and gravy they look at me and say "So you want biscuits and brown gravy?" to which I reply "no", then they say "So you want biscuits and turkey gravy." LOL I love the look in their eyes when I say "No..... white gravy. You know, Sausage Gravy (at least that's what we called it at Braum's)" Side note you should see how funny it is when people up in the North East dress up in cowboy clothes and claim they're a true cowboy. Not that I am a cowboy but it's funny seeing a yank in not-so-midwest clothing claim they're a true cowboy. Just because someone dips, wears a cowboy hat and boots doesn't make them a cowboy. I do miss cowgirls though. Mmmmm my first true love was a cowgirl and really you can't find a better, sweeter, down to earth type of girl. Plus they make great drinkin buddies. Woo I went on a rant. You all caught me on a very good mood day so I'm chatty.

[Biker Chick]

[QUOTE=El_Squid]I think I have found a practical guide for anyone planning to visit, or move, to the Lone Star State.

ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS

QUOTE]
Gees!! if you had not written ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS, I would have thought you were talking about NORTH CAROLINA. Those are the same rules that apply to us. I guese that is why we are called Southerners. Think the only difference is you guys have Beef BBQ and here in my area of N.C. we have Pork BBQ

[FatalException0E]

[QUOTE=Biker Chick]

I think I have found a practical guide for anyone planning to visit, or move, to the Lone Star State.

ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS

QUOTE]
Gees!! if you had not written ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS, I would have thought you were talking about NORTH CAROLINA. Those are the same rules that apply to us. I guese that is why we are called Southerners. Think the only difference is you guys have Beef BBQ and here in my area of N.C. we have Pork BBQ

Mmmmm....pork ribs, pork chops. Cooper's BBQ sells these pork chops that are like 1.5 inch thick. In TX, all BBQ is good, even chicken and turkey makes it to the grill here. Hell, we grill ears of corn fer cryin out loud!
I've also skewered chunks of pineapple and grilled it for a snack, and peach halves with cinnamon wrapped in foil and grilled are darn tasty.

[JPnyc]

That killed me. And if I ever find myself thinking of heading south, well...I've been warned.

[Pinnacle]

I'm going to Dallas on Friday for a wedding this weekend. I would print out that list but they would probably all think I'm an idiot for needing it. The "fixin" thing always cracks me up. The other thing I think is funny is how they use Coke.

Waitress: Can I get y'all a Coke?

My Texan friend: Yes, I would like a Coke.

Waitress: What kind?

My Texan friend: Dr. Pepper.


They use the word Coke as if it is synonymous with soda or pop.

[JPnyc]

Could get em in real trouble if they visited here...

[El_Squid]

And don't forget the other measure of time: "directly". As in,
Q: "When will you take out the trash?"
A: "Directly"
Which is slightly less immediate than: "I'm fixin' to."
Time is a very ambiguous concept down here, especially when you start dealing with "Indian" or "Hispanic" Time.