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October 17th, 2001, 02:38 PM
#1
 [RESOLVED] Generate your own bullsh*t!
Want the ultimate cv?
Need some catchy new phrases to impress the boss with?
<a href="http://www.dack.com/web/bull****.html" target="_blank">Try this bullsh*t generator...</a>
Here's what I came up with:
As an IT architect that targets granular markets, I visualize leading-edge supply-chains that will harness transparent infomediaries and integrate bleeding-edge web-readiness. We need to strategize innovative schemas in order to recontextualize turn-key relationships and deploy B2B communities. Disintermediate holistic action-items will be part of the transition of B2C portals and expedite distributed networks, that in the end will enable next-generation systems and revolutionize 24/7 infomediaries.
Lets see how much bullsh*t we can post!
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Pöwer is nöthing withöut cöntröl...
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October 17th, 2001, 02:43 PM
#2
There are even Star Trek inspired ones:
<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">engage next-generation vortals
</font>
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"Expect the unexpected" 
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October 17th, 2001, 02:44 PM
#3
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October 17th, 2001, 02:48 PM
#4
The Dilbert website has a couple:
performance review generator which cooks up stuff like:
Performance Appraisal for Mr. Nevinburger:
His full capabilities have only been recently discovered. His work sets him apart from his peers. He makes decisions with minimal direction. Without a doubt, Mr. Nevinburger has proven to be one of the company's larger investments. A reevaluation of his assignments may be in order. Mr. Nevinburger handles assignments with unlooked-for creativity. Such an employee demonstrates the importance of proper recruiting.
And the mission statement generator which manufactures rubbish like:
Our mission is to continue to interactively leverage other's long-term high-impact technology and seamlessly initiate resource-leveling benefits for 100% customer satisfaction.
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I help others in the name of my Lord, Jesus Christ.
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October 17th, 2001, 02:57 PM
#5
<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by MacGyver:
the mission statement generator which manufactures rubbish like:
Our mission is to continue to interactively leverage other's long-term high-impact technology and seamlessly initiate resource-leveling benefits for 100% customer satisfaction.</font>
So this is where the politicians get there stuff from?
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Pöwer is nöthing withöut cöntröl...
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October 17th, 2001, 03:40 PM
#6
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October 17th, 2001, 08:38 PM
#7
I have a natural ability to bull****, much like Superman can fly.
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rm -f /bin/laden
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October 17th, 2001, 11:25 PM
#8
<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by evilcabbage:
I have a natural ability to bull****, much like Superman can fly.
</font>
Count your blessings. A natural ability to BS is God-given. With enough money, you could be a world leader in politics...
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Some computer problems require extreme solutions. Spaceman Spiff sets his blaster to deep fat fry...
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October 18th, 2001, 12:08 AM
#9
<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by StevePorter:
Count your blessings. A natural ability to BS is God-given. With enough money, you could be a world leader in politics...
</font>
I said I am a natural BS artist, I'm not low enough to steal handbags from the elderly, and Ive never had an intern under my desk.. *sigh*
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rm -f /bin/laden
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October 18th, 2001, 04:23 AM
#10
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October 18th, 2001, 05:04 AM
#11
<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by MacGyver:
The Dilbert website has a couple:
performance review generator which cooks up stuff like:
Performance Appraisal for Mr. Nevinburger:
His full capabilities have only been recently discovered. His work sets him apart from his peers. He makes decisions with minimal direction. Without a doubt, Mr. Nevinburger has proven to be one of the company's larger investments. A reevaluation of his assignments may be in order. Mr. Nevinburger handles assignments with unlooked-for creativity. Such an employee demonstrates the importance of proper recruiting.
And the mission statement generator which manufactures rubbish like:
Our mission is to continue to interactively leverage other's long-term high-impact technology and seamlessly initiate resource-leveling benefits for 100% customer satisfaction.
</font>
When you get one of these by your co-worker....you know its Bull$it
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Go big...or go home! 
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October 18th, 2001, 07:26 AM
#12
<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by darkblu:
Oooiii, he's gonna nail you!
</font>
hehehe... I sincerely hope that he tries to, my good darkblu, nothing would make me happier!
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In another lifetime, I USED to be known as Wayward Clam. But the Powers That Be have spoken, so who am I to argue...?
[This message has been edited by window_washer (edited October 18, 2001).]
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October 18th, 2001, 08:00 AM
#13
Performance Appraisal for Mr. Piper:
A thorough analysis of his performance will surprise you. He has been responsible for the changes in our work group dynamics and he knows the value of office equipment. In fact, his name is frequently mentioned in executive meetings and he has name recognition throughout the divisions. He works behind the scenes and he frequently thinks "outside the box". Mr. Piper makes decisions with minimal direction and he appears ever productive and has been seen dropping in at off hours. His usefulness to the division is self evident. Mr. Piper was tasked with many assignments this year and such an employee demonstrates the importance of proper recruiting.
CATBERT HAS ESTIMATED YOUR WORTH
JOB TITLE: Client/Server: Network Administrator
REGION: South
SALARY: $42,750 - $59,750
NOTE: This salary is your total compensation. It consists of $100 in cash and $42,650 - $59,650 in office supplies we expect you'll pilfer.
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Murphy's Second Corollary
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Murphy's Law
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October 18th, 2001, 08:36 AM
#14
Performance Appraisal for darkblu:
As an employee, he is a management textbook example. The possibility of hiring more employees like darkblu should be discussed immediately and a reevaluation of his assignments may be in order. darkblu has a wide variety of interests and pursuits and he has been responsible for the changes in our work group dynamics. For completeness I should mention that darkblu shows potential for unbounded improvement and he actively pursues relationships with his coworkers. He fully understands the extent of his responsibilities. One can not say enough good things about him. His performance defies measurement. It is apparent that a reevaluation of his salary is long overdue.
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Pöwer is nöthing withöut cöntröl...
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October 18th, 2001, 01:43 PM
#15
Bastard Operator From Hell-Style Excuse Server also has some great BS for those users who just wouldn't understand the *real* explanation behind their system being down anyway.
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"Expect the unexpected"
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