Now Hiring

Position: Parent

Job Description:
Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work various hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24hr shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expensed not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:
This is for the rest of your life. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half a million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

Possibility for Advancement and Promotion:
Virtually none. Your objective is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills so those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Previous Experience:
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages and Compensation:
You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is you actually enjoy it and with you could only do more.

Benefits:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right. Here's to all PARENTS in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis!

As a recent father (Rachael's now 5 months old) I especially appreciated this post, Sowulo. The hardships of parenting absolutely pale in comparison to every smile, every happy little gurgle, every cute new thing she does. :)

[quote]Originally posted by Percy:
<strong>As a recent father (Rachael's now 5 months old) I especially appreciated this post, Sowulo. The hardships of parenting absolutely pale in comparison to every smile, every happy little gurgle, every cute new thing she does. :) </strong><hr></blockquote>

:) :) I went out to dinner tonight with my oldest and his wife....it was a very special evening of teasing and laughter.... :) :)