Site/desktop Support Thoughts
Here's a peek into the thoughts of your local desktop support…....an end user's guide to technical services from the folks who provide them.
1. When desktop support says we’re coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for us to remember 1500 network passwords.
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, and trophies. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When desktop support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the email system.
4. When Desktop Support is eating lunch at the canteen, walk right in and explain your problems(s) and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
5. When a person from desktop support is at the coffee machine or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink coffee or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone line.
6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call desktop supports direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call desktop support. There's electronics in it, right?
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call desktop support. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on desktop support’s chair with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
11. When you have a person from desktop support on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
12. When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother going. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear for no reason.
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
16 If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
17. When you have a person from desktop support fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
19. When desktop support asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call desktop support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know jack @#$# about the problem.
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the print queue.
28. When you bump into a person from desktop support in the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24 hours a day 7 days a week, even while at the grocery store on weekends.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing Command & Conquer. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office. Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all day anyway.
31. When looking for Web addresses don’t use search engines just phone desktop support, we memorizes all address for fun. You all know desktop support is the “192” for internet directories enquiries.
Any queries
[email protected], .org, .etc
Cheers
Papa Smurf
