From a man who's had enough!!!

Got it this morning & once again, truth's can be funny...for us men anyway. :D ;)
Don't remember this being posted before. If it has been, sorry!


TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH:

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

All men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
hair.

One of the big reason guys fear getting married is that married women
always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = REST ... It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the
calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good
at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we
do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
war flick where it doesn't really matter what the heck they're saying anyway.)

Check your oil.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments
become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something or tell us how to do something, but
not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Thank you for reading this;Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

:D :D ;)

One Man’s Rant

I LIKE my toys. Be them laptops, low-riders, or Legos. And if I work hard to contribute to our income I am damn well allowed to spend some of it on something I like. Besides which—it was on sale.

Matching dinnerware, new curtains, and Christmas cards are NOT necessities. They are luxuries. And if you can spend on luxuries, so can I. And don’t give me that junk about them being for “both of us” unless you are also willing to admit that you get some use out of the satellite dish, the power tools, and the beer.

Boobies look good. It is NATURAL for me to stare.

You want to know my fantasies? Fine. I dream about doing your sister, your best friend, my secretary, and Liv Tyler, all at once. No, I’m sorry, you didn’t enter into this particular fantasy. And you know what? I’m NORMAL. Marrying someone else would not have prevented this. And unless I continually bug you to help me make it happen, it is NOT fair to consider me a pig for thinking about it.

You know those telepathic abilities that all men were born with? Well I’m a mutant—I don’t have them. You are gonna have to speak slowly and clearly, or just learn to deal with the fact that I will never be able to predict you. This does not make me “insensitive”. I have spent my entire life trying to understand women, with no success. Why should it be any different with you?

Sometimes I don’t WANT to cuddle. I still love you. I am never leaving you. But give me my space, dammit.

And hon… I know you care about me, but if I have to give up everything I like to eat, drink, and smoke, the LAST thing I want to do is add an extra 20 years to my life. I have already given up sex with strangers, and even flirting with them, to be with you. I am willing to talk about cutting back and giving up other things… I just want you to realize how much I have already given up by just committing to a relationship.

The actress on TV/the singer on the radio/the centerfold in the magazine is no threat to you. There are 50 million other men who want her as well. And she doesn’t want any of us. And for the love of God, stop being jealous of the anime chicks. I mean, WTF?

Porn is not “dirty” or “wrong”. Strippers are not “dirty” or “wrong”. Even prostitutes are not “dirty” or “wrong”—you should be flattered that I repress my natural instincts, and don’t turn to professionals when you are on your period. If people would stop looking down on men’s natural desires, these industries would lose all of their illicit appeal and become legitimate and wholesome.

Yeah, I do want a threesome. If you don’t, just say no. And don’t freak out on me. Unless I try to force you, I have done nothing wrong.

Okay. So you have feelings. And I accidentally hurt them. Realize that I am used to dealing with my friends, who I can get into fistfights with and then go have a beer afterwards. If you are so ticked that you can’t stop attacking me back, then realize as well that this means to my subconscious mind that you have DECIDED to not forgive me--ever. I don’t “get” that you will forgive me when you have calmed down, unless you lower yourself to actually tell me so.

I’m sorry that I fall asleep afterwards. This is not because I am callous and don’t love you. There are chemical reasons. Watch the Learning Channel. It has been proven.

I don’t mind going out—let’s just take turns choosing where. I’ll bring you to Pierre & Fifi’s Bourgeois Eaterie if you’ll come with me to Hooters. If we only go to places you like, the time, the hassle, and the money make it get old real fast.

I forget things. You might find it entertaining to remember the date that we first kissed, the date that we first made love, the date I first let out the words “I love you”, Valentines Day, your birthday, our anniversary, the anniversary of our engagement, and the anniversary of the day that I first met your great aunt Susan. (This is another reason why a Palm Pilot would be a good toy for me to own.) Realize that to me, each one of those dates is another thing I “have to” do, not another thing I “get to” do.

Maybe I do have a thing for redheads. Or implants. Or anorexic waifs. Or Latinas. Whatever it is, I had no choice in the matter—God and Mother Nature made me this way, the same way gays were born gays. You should take it as proof of my love that I am with you instead of one of them.

I don’t LIKE your mother/aunt Susan/cousin Bob/sister in spirit Lindsey/whoever. You don’t like my best friend Joe/brother Dave/drinkin’ buddy Moe/partner in crime Knuckles/whoever. Fine. Don’t make me spend a second longer than I have to with yours, and I’ll help you stay free of mine.

I don’t WANT to spend 24 hours a day with you. My life is just great if I get to spend some of my nights hangin’ with the boys, playing video games, or puttering in the garage. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I haven’t got a redhead Latina anorexic waif with implants hiding in the garage. I’m just a GUY. I’m NORMAL. We just don’t DO that.

Oral sex feels good. Don’t label me a jerk for always wanting it.

I don’t understand roses. I will buy them for you as apology, as a required part of a special occasion, if I want something, or if I am trying to think like a woman. But thinking like a woman is HARD for me. Don’t expect it to come naturally.

Football/Hockey/lawn darts/Belgrovian Mud Sledding is more than a sport to me. It is my religion. My competitive instincts are GOOD things. They help me go out and work for a living. They helped me screw up the courage to get involved with you.

Martha Stewart is the Beast. I know the Apocalypse is nigh because she has so many followers. Don’t ask me to join her dark legions. I respect our religious differences, so if you want to be part of the Dark Cult of Decoupage, fine. Just don’t expect me to stay in the room when you turn her program on.

And if you are upset by some of this, I’m sorry. I love you and it makes me feel crappy to hurt your feelings. But this is me. And I ain’t taking it back.

AMEN.

[quote]Originally posted by Wayward Clam:
<strong>One Man’s Rant

... Boobies look good. ...</strong><hr></blockquote>

Ya, what Clammy said :D . And yes when women are regaling us with a snarky ("...and she says, And then I says naa, naa ,naa ...") play by play of who said what about whosit doing such'n'such we are thinking: "SHUTUP for the love of God SHUTUP. Don't you have to breath, do women have gills or something. I can't believe she is still talking, it been 15 minutes and yet she managed to say nothing. I don't care, how could she possibly think I care about this self-absorbed crud :confused: . I don't corner her at dinner and drone on about the intricacies of setting dual Stromburg carbs on a classic MG. Even though knowing how to set dual carbs is a useful skill and everyone should own a classic British sports car. The world would be a better place with more Triumphs, Austins, MGs, TVRs and E-types, couldn’t leave out the Jag XKE :) . A 67-68 E-type 1/half would be the one to own and of course the colour would have to be BRG :cool: . Oh wow, she’s still talking about whosit saying such'n'such :rolleyes: . Ya, BRG that’s the way to go can't go wrong with the factory-racing colour. ...".

Dude, know what yer talkin about. Had a '78 MGB with Weber side draft carb. WHAT A BITCH! :mad:

WOW....A whole lot of info to take in. Thanks for thegood chuckles along the way!

Hmm....all I have to say is we ain't ALL like that.

If we were, would there really be GeekGirls out here?

Let me tell you, it ain't always easy working with all guys either. Although in a way I prefer it as I have never been into the petty, "OMG look at what she is wearing today" mentality. HEY, maybe that is WHY I became a geek girl??? <img src="confused.gif" border="0">

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Geek girls ROCK.

(PuterGeekGirls especially. :D :D :D )

[quote]Originally posted by PuterGeekGirl:
<strong>Although in a way I prefer it as I have never been into the petty, "OMG look at what she is wearing today" mentality. HEY, maybe that is WHY I became a geek girl??? :confused: </strong><hr></blockquote>

No, thats because you're a tom boy. :D :D :D

As Clammy said, Geek girls rule.

[quote]Originally posted by moliver:
<strong>Dude, know what yer talkin about. Had a '78 MGB with Weber side draft carb. WHAT A BITCH! :mad: </strong><hr></blockquote>

Moliver ya rock :cool: . I had a 78 "B" too. I loved that thing :D . Every spring when I first see one I get a lump in my throat :( . Webers, Webers you where lucky man. I had to rebuild the stromburg approximately every two years. By the time my "B" was written off in an accident, old guy ran a red and plowed into the side rear then had the nerve to complain about "these kids driving" :mad: , there should be public beatings for people who damage any Morris Garages roadster, I had become quite the mechanic.

To this day the "B" has the tightest gearbox I've ever used, buddy's BMW's clutch/gearbox feels closer to my Acura then a "B". Nothing like driving a little 1800cc 4banger up the tail pipe of a mullet head :p in his Camero because I learned to heel and toe through a corner :cool: as opposed to stomp and break :rolleyes: . I want another MG. Maybe a series "A" this time but still painted BRG.