Moral Dilema...

I know this isn't computer related, but I could use a little advice. Most of the people here are very smart , inteligent people.
Here's my story in a nutshell...
My exwife and I have been officially divorced for 2 months now. We were married for 14 months when she announced she wanted a divorce. She left me because she "Needed to find herself". This turned out to be BS. The main reason was because she wanted to party with her friends. I let her go out when she wanted, I never held her back from anything. I love her very much. When she told me that she wanted a divorce, I begged and begged. It crushed me. She wanted the divorce so bad that she had the lawyer lie on the paperwork about the separation date. I went along with it becuase I didn't want to drag it out longer. Well prior to and for a little while after the divorce I tried to get back together with her and she wanted nothing to do with it. Even though I was aprehensive about it, keeping in mind that she might do this to me again. I've spent thousands for therapy since Feb, and I've come a long way. Speaking with her family, she has a history, or pattern if you say of creating chaos in her life, (relationships, jobs, etc). I've noticed the job problem. She gets bored and changes jobs every 6 months or so. Well, she tells me last week that she wants to get back together. She has a boyfriend, and I asked about that, she said that she would leave him. We had some disagreements durring the marriage about moving out of state, etc. This is a major issue. I don't know if I want to put myself through the hell I've been through again. She says she wants to make it up to me, but I see us falling back into the same rut we got into again. Now, to complicate things a bit, I've been seeing someone. I'm beginning to feel like I'm falling in love with her. It's too early to say, and in no way am I going to jump the gun, but she is amazing. But I still love my ex-wife. Messed up? Yeah...
I told my Ex that I needed to think about it, and she keeps pressuring me. She's known in the past if I was seeing someone after we split, it never bothered her. Now she's upset about my girlfriend. My ex doesn't know how I feel about my girlfriend, and I'd like to keep it that way for the moment. Part of me wants to take her back, but a bigger part of me wants to move on with my life. I've talked to a lot of my family members and friends about this, the general consensus is to move on. I'm still torn. I really want to explore things with my girlfriend, we have more in common than my ex and I ever did. She's very sweet, more responsible, and more respectful. But my Ex and I were so much in love at one point, and happy. I just don't know if I can forgive and forget.
Hopefully after this longwinded post, someone will read this that's been in this situation before, may have a little insight.

Thanks for reading...

RUN Run far. Ran Fast. Keep running. Stop when you reach a new state, maybe.
If her family has seen this streak in your ex to get "bored" and live in chaos - she's not going to change. She's especially not going to change in 2 months. And the new girlfriend? I don't think that's a hot idea either. Staying single until you sorted all this, and yourself (finish the therapy) out is probably the best way to go.

Just my .02

Move on....
It sounds like she has disrespected you and your feeling time and time again. She knows that you are a "sucker" or a "fallback", don't let her use you again. Move on, stay with the current girlfriend. I think you already know the answer of what to do, and I understand your need for the strength. You are doing it right by not going it alone and asking for help.

Once again, move on...

Well, no matter what direct advice anyone gives you on the situation, the decision will still be up to you. You've got to sit down and find out what you really want. And you also need to find out if the option of having this happen to you again outweighs the option of never being with your ex again. Either or, you will come to a point that you will understand exactly what you have to do. It may be after a day, a year or maybe just a few beers. In any instance, I would advise making the decision on your own and, definately, not involving the influence of either your girlfriend or ex.... they will cloud your mind :)

yah...how fast can you run the mile...
but as you are in theropy, and i don't know you all that well what do your theropist say?
woman, can't live with, and they can kill you in quake, not good not good.

Save yourself ! She sounds like a true borderline. Do yourself a favor and get over her. I suppose now she's bored with her new boyfriend ? Don't let yourself believe you are winning by getting her back. Just my 2 cents. I've been there.

Do NOT take the ex back. Sounds to me like she thrives on the chaos in her life, and creating it for others. I also agree that she is most likely bored with her current situation, so here she is creating chaos again...

As for the new g/f, you have to do what makes you happy, but it sounds like you guys are off to a good start.

Think of it this way, if you went back to the ex, would you always wonder "what it?" with the g/f now?

It sounds to me like the ex put you through hell and you are recovering, don't let her take that away from you by going back....

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I appreciate the early responses here. And moving on is what I'm leaning twoards, but I still love her. And drewmaztech, I'm not critisizing your advice about staying single and figuring myself out, but I was feeling grounded with my life again until she asked me to take her back. This has thrown me for a loop. and I want to make the right decision. I don't want to live with regret. Just last night on the phone she was in tears begging me. Telling me that I was right all along and that she would do anything to make it up to me. I just don't know if I can trust her and I don't want to go through all this again in a year or two.

Chosen, you sound as if you are thinking straight. I understand your reluctance to just tell her no, especially if you loved her that much.

But I agree with your statement of thinking it may all happen again in a year or two.

These life altering decisions suck. But it sounds like she really did a number on you and you are strong and recovering from it. But could you go through this again? Is she worth hurting yourself over again? I don't even know you or her, and I say no one is worth opening yourself up to that hurt again for a second time. The pressure she is putting on you to make a decision disturbs me as well....

Take care and you are in my thoughts.....;):(

If you felt grounded and this new relationship was going in a good direction, then go for it. She's probably good for you, then. Just move on with your life in the direction you want it to go and don't let anyone pull you back. I'm also thinking of your new gf and how she'd see an ex come back and mess with her life now, too.

Wouldn't want any cat fights

;)

Don't do it dude. You might love her, and she might say she loves you, but leopards don't change their spots so easily. You have no gaurantee she won't do it again, and do you really want to risk that kind of anguish a second time?

From the mouth of Tom Leykis: "Dump that bitch!!!"

I once lived with a vicious, controlling, power monger. I left.
After some a$$ kissing, I caved and gave it a second chance.
Worst thing that ever happened to me!
Cost me tons of money and self respect.
I'm with a new love now, and have never questioned my decision to leave...not once.
Don't do the same mistakes as the people try to help you put a fresh perspective on this. Take your new sweetie by the hand, turn your back and don't look back! Don't put blinders on... if her family sees the pattern of destruction, then ...
If, for some unknown reason, you decide to try the relationship again, don't jump right in... test the waters for a long time!

Whatever you decide, just be careful!!

I think she sees you as a point of order in her chaos... and would like to use the security you provide until, that is, she has had enough of being stable again....

Sorry I am with the others... RUN! unless you are going to accept that this will happen every few months and its part of loving her... it means that she can have anyone and anywhen, but you only get her when and if she feels that way inclined. That is one hell of a onesided relationship, if you think you can handle that, then go ahead, otherwise RUN!

Tough situation. I know there's a part of you that wants to go back to the familiarity and the great times you had as a couple, but my experience is that she will do the exact same thing again next time. It's hard not to give into it, and you may never know that you made the right decision, but you have to trust yourself. Deep down, you know she'll do the same again.

Two expressions come to mind

If you're born round, you won't die square. - comments on how hard it is to change your own nature.

The best way to learn is to make mistakes. - the trick is in learning the lesson after making the mistake for the first time.