Rectum Stretcher

Since we're posting jokes now.




While she was flying down the road yesterday (20 miles over the limit), a
woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the
other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and
with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's
your hurry?"

She replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah?," said the cop, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work
from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but
surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?" he asked, to
which she politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind
a bridge........"

Traffic ticket: $95.00
Court costs: $45.00
The look on that cop's face: PRICELESS

bwaaahhhaaaahahahahahha :)

Ok... well here's the one I just received.

The Miracle of Toilet Paper

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion:

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I ask.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. I stopped.

"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"