1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art
gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a
sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a
media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of
tomato sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing
them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic
milk crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from
the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not
worth fixing.
12. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one
that has the swimming pool.
13. It's considered better to be down on your luck than stuck up
14. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the
family drinks too much.
15. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then
spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have
catered for it).
16. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take
everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the
car, you're not trying.
17. Unless ethnic, you are not permitted to sit down in your front
yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on
the fence acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
Except in Queensland where sitting on the front porch to catch
a cool breeze is quite OK
18. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food vs grog
battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
19. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's
pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
20. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realises
that the Aerogard is worse than the mozzies.
21. And, finally, the true test for immigration to Australia Potential new Aussies must pass the following test: Mowing a sloping
lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs, holding a VB while
watching the cricket. If you can't pass that, chances are you will never be
able to pass yourself off as a true Aussie.
