A Letter From Santa - Dear World

Just a little something I wrote yesterday. Hope you all like it

Dear World

A Letter From Santa

My name is friggin Santa Claus

You had better get it right

I only come round once a year

In the middle of the night

I make toys for all the children

And for grown up kids as well

They all sit on Santa's knee

And whine and have a yell

Please Santa Claus I want a bike

I want a skateboard or two

Give me a brand new surfboard

It makes me want to spew

You always say that you've been good

But we both know different

remember behind the woodshed

and the friendly crabby's that I sent

I ho ho here, I ho ho there

And get fatter by the day

I smile and grin and wave a lot

And ignore what you have to say

You ask for gold and diamonds

I brings you socks and pants instead

You think your getting what you want

i bring you lumps of lead.

I haven't seen my toes in years

My bum scrapes on the ground

I wear a stupid red suit

And a sac that weighs a pound

I'm married to a bloomin' witch

They call her Mrs Claus

I'm always walking eggshells

She's always bangin' doors

http://www.keith-murdoch.com/doc3.jpg

She's mean an yells and stamps a lot

And gets rags on all the year

I love it when she gets that mad

She blows wind out from her rear

But she cooks me chocolate brownies

So I think I'll keep her around

And those delicious yummy pork chops

That make my belly face the ground

http://www.girlguidingworcs.org.uk/images/brownies.jpg

I've got some bloody reindeer

along with a very stupid one

They call him Rudolph red nose

I could just kick him up the bum

He gets into my woodshed

And leaves his SH*T in there

He sneaks into my rum room

and gets pissed as a polar bear

I'm sure the elves are growing weed

Out beyond the garden shed

They sneak out there for hours

And come back inside a bloodshot red

http://www.keith-murdoch.com/toothf.jpg

I party with the tooth fairy

the easter bunny comes to stay

I dig it when they come around

It means it's time to play

http://www.keith-murdoch.com/bunny.jpg

We go out to the stripper bar

To an igloo in the next town

the easter bunny buys the drinks

we all perve and skol it down

http://www.keith-murdoch.com/stripig.jpg

So If you hear Santa coming

Cover the kiddies ears real tight

I'm off visiting with the girls next door

And spreading love and light

http://nymag.com/images/2/daily/ente...xtdoor_lgl.jpg

So to mums the whole world over

I have a message to send to you

If you fancy being in my bad books

Then don't clean the chimney flue

If you have a fire blazing hot

Make sure I've somewhere to land

Cos if I burn my feet one more time

I won't be capable to stand

I'm sick of milk and cookies

They just pour out my bum

I demand some care and quality

Please leave out the top shelf rum

If You don't have a chimney

don't lock the blasted door

Do You really expect Santa Claus

To climb up the through kitchen floor

And if you are hot and single

Please turn on the bedside light

Because Santa wants to visit you

And stay right through the night

I'm sorry this poem's an epic

But it's all in fun and free

The magic that is Christmas

This is my gift for you to see!!

I think he knows who's been bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes.

:)


.

I'm sick of milk and cookies
They just pour out my bum...:grin:

Here's a try:

They call me Santa,
Say I'm a jolly old elf;
I bring Christmas presents,
But not by myself.

My helpers are reindeer,
Magical too;
Not at all like the ones
You see at the zoo.

We traverse the world,
In one single day;
Handing out gifts
From my magical sleigh.

And no matter your Faith,
Or in whom you believe;
The Gift's in the Giving,
Not what you receive.

No partisan me,
I show love to all;
So why can't you also,
Take heed of this call.

Love - Santa