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2 men from where I am lol USA,Georgia buy 100 watermelons for 1 dollar
each and take them to New York and sell them for 1 dollar each.
They count their money and Bubba says"This ain't going to work".
Clovis says"You're right. We need a bigger truck!!!
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So, someone else tell a joke....:eek:
Throughout grade school and high school Luke and Clem were the best of friends. When they graduated, Luke went to the University of Texas at Austin to study law. Clem went to Texas A&M to study animal husbandry because he wanted to be a pig farmer.
Even after they graduated from college, they kept in contact, even though they didn't see each other much. Finally, Clem called Luke and suggested that Luke take some vacation time to visit Clem on his hog farm. Luke agreed. When he arrived, it was just like old times, they drank beer, talked about the good old days, then went to bed early because there were chores to do.
The next morning Clem and Luke drove the hogs down to a grove of oak trees. Clem picked up a pig, and held it up to the oak and let it eat acorns for a while. Then he put it down, picked up another pig, and repeated the process.
Finally Luke said, "Clem, what are you doing?" Clem replied, "I'm letting the pigs eat acorns. They're free food, they're good for the pigs, and the pigs like 'em."
"Still," responded Luke, "Isn't it kinda time consuming?"
"Maybe," said Clem, "But what's time to a pig?"
Once there was a Democrat......So, how you been slgrieb ?
Good pig farmer joke...LOL
Yeah it's a long one
One day in the forest there is a bear chasing a rabbit. They have been racing through the woods for quite a while and it looks like the rabbit is about to get away when suddenly he tumbles over onto the ground. Having chased the rabbit for so long the bear immediately seizes the rabbit in one swipe and is about to swallow the rabbit whole when the rabbit shrieks out.
"Wait wait before you eat me I believe I tripped over a lamp of some sort!"
The bear looks at the rabbit and laughs then asks "What do I care how you got tripped? You're my lunch."
The rabbit pleas "But it could be a magic lamp! You already caught me so there is no chance I can get away. Can we at least inspect it and see?"
The bear thinks this over for a moment and decides there is not much to lose. The rabbit picks up the lamp and rubs it. *POOF* a Genie appears.
The Genie proclaims "Thank for releasing me and for granting me freedom I shall grant you both 3 wishes each"
The rabbit is excited and starts to say what he wishes for first but the bear interrupts him and says "I'm bigger and I caught you I go first"
The Genie looks to the bear and says "Very well master and what would your first wish be?"
"I wish to be the most handsome bear there ever was" States the bear.
The Genie looks to the bear and asks "Are you sure of this?"
The Bear says "Yes I am certain"
Poof the bear is now the most handsome bear that ever graced the earth.
The rabbit simply says that he wants the fastest high quality off road racing bike that has ever been designed.
*Poof* The rabbit now has the fastest and best engineered of european off road racing motorcycles ever made.
The bear laughs at how the rabbit is thinking so small in terms of wishes. Then he tells the Genie. "Genie my second wish is that all the female bears in the world would love and adore me"
The Genie says "It is done you are now all the female bears in the world are devoted to you"
The Rabbit chuckles and says to the Genie "Genie I wish to have the finest safety equipment to wear for this motorcycle you granted me"
The Genie states "So be it you have the highest quality safety equipment ever crafted"
To this the bear laughs and says "Poor poor narrow sighted rabbit. Genie I have the final and best wish for last. I wish that all the other bears in the world were female so that I have no competition for their affection."
The Genie proclaims "So be it you are now the only male bear in the world"
The Rabbit revs the motorcycle up and while strapping on the helmet he looks over his shoulder and says "I wish the bear was gay" and promptly speeds off on his new motorcycle.
Mostly good, street, and thanks for asking. I'll drop you a PM tomorrow.
George W. Bush is walking along the beach when he trips over something hard in the sand. He pulls it out. Lo and behold it seems to be an old lamp. Bush wipes the dirt off, and suddenly the lamp poots forth a cloud of smoke which turns into a short, fat man with a sloppy turban, a stogie in his mouth, and a hairy chest poorly covered by a dirty yellow vest. His pink silk pants look like they haven't been washed in a month.
The man looks at Bush and mumbles, "Greetins master, I'm da genie of the lamp, blah, blah, blah, yadda yadda, what's your wish?"
Bush says, "Hey! Don't I get three wishes?" Scratching his ample belly, the Genie replies, "Look, mac, that ain't the way the game woiks. See, I ain't some big time hotshot. Ya get one wish, and ya better keep it small. That's the deal pal. Take it or leave it. Forget that thousand more wishes wish; it ain't happenin'."
"OK, then. I want a good legacy as President. I want to be remembered as the President who hunted down and killed Osama bin Laden. The President who won the war in Iraq, and brought peace to the Middle East. The President with the best fiscal policy ever. The President..."
"Yo! Buddy!," shouted the genie. "I already said I'm small time! Gimme a break here! Just keep the wish small, OK?"
"Fine!", Bush responded. " I want to see the Houston Astros win the World Series."
The genie was quiet a moment, then he said "Uh, let's talk about that legacy some more."