The WOTPP's Tale !

Meanwhile, the bored Cecilia espied the redoubtable Mr. P, leaning against a lamp post, calmly munching on a vegemite sandwich. Her shriveled, black heart went pit-a-pat at the sight: that leathery bill, that oversized tail and those poisonous dew claws! She could almost feel his damp fur sliding between her fingers! What a ... um ... thing, he was! A fine example of whatever that was.

Brutus and Petronella were soon forgotten and she found herself slinking towards the unsuspecting Mr. P. He, on the other hand, was feeling a growing sense of apprehension, as if there were a great disturbance in the force. "Great Scott! My Platy senses are tingling!" he remarked, dropping his sandwich. "Something evil and vile is near..."
A cold shiver ran up his spine, down his bill and over his tounge, causing him to turn around and see Cecilia, standing not three feet away from him. "Yikes!"

"Well, hello there,... um... short, furry and handsome," she purred throatily. "Come here much?"

Mr. P fought off the sudden urge to run pell mell down the street and ...

... a dorm slammed, someone screamed in the darkness, a shot rang out, lightning flashed and thunder rolled, while an odd cyber-cephalopod tap danced across the stage...

http://www.tvacres.com/images/squiddly.jpg

.....3d holographics of Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers competed with

Little Shirley Temple.Oh! it was a fine stage.

The audience was all fixed on the entertainment at hand

only the beady little eyes by now forgotten were moving

around stalking,waiting for the moment at hand.Then the

plan could....................

...then the plan could ...

..fall apart altogether !

Because, at that moment, despite all efforts to forget them, Brutus and Petronella announced their engagement, at which little Tommy said ...

at which little Tommy said ...Can I be the best man at the wedding and wear my see through kilt.

Everyone thought "Tommy how gruesome"..........

... and yet, not entirely inappropriate for the nuptials of a knuckle-dragging neanderthal and a saucy, head strong wench, of the prehistoric variety. Taco Del Mar would cater, of course, trying to avoid serving up any related species of the guests. Then there was the matter of the bride's gown, which Petronella was now favoring a lovely knit noodle number, in Saffron yellow.

Moby, El Squid, Mr. P., Ahab and the rest of the "guys" moped around, wondering what Magnumopus had that they did not. What did she see in that hulking brute?

Petronella thought to herself, 'it's his money, but I won't let him know that, I'll let him think it's his brute handsome-ness ... but in truth, I think him rather a ____ !'

Then Georgina arrived and said, 'Moby, El Squid, Mr. P., Ahab and the rest of the "guys", you are just what I WANT ! I've been trying to find men like you, real men, I mean, not those sops that think they're men .. men with strength, men with muscles .. men without kidney stones, men of determination! And here I think I have found them'

'Now then guys, I want you to .... build me a house, I have the plans, follow me and ....'

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mags

Petronella thought to herself, 'it's his money, but I won't let him know that, I'll let him think it's his brute handsome-ness ... but in truth, I think him rather a ____ !'

Then Georgina arrived and said, 'Moby, El Squid, Mr. P., Ahab and the rest of the "guys", you are just what I WANT ! I've been trying to find men like you, real men, I mean, not those sops that think they're men .. men with strength, men with muscles .. men without kidney stones, men of determination! And here I think I have found them'

'Now then guys, I want you to .... build me a house, I have the plans, follow me and ....'

---

Give El Squid 2 days off to compose himself,then he'll be the best..............

... Moby fell over on his side, ashen faced with pain; his flippers clutching at his lower back.

"Erk!" he squeeked, gasping through his blowhole. "I think I am passing a chunk ... of ambergris!"

"Ah, ha!" A pair of Parisian Parfumiers suddenly appeared beside the palid, pain-stricken cetacean, performing a series of prodigious leaps and perilous pantomimes, clearly portraying their unparalleled, yet professional, pleasure. "Did somebody say... ambergris?"

El Squid was appalled at the impertinence of these predatory practioners of the perfuming arts, who proposed to impose upon the palsied whale and impound the soon to be expelled ambergris. That, and their Charles Boyer impersonations were appallingly poor.

"Yerg!" Moby screeched, as a malodorous mass emerged from his blowhole and plopped on the ground.

Ahab pinched his nose, "Bleah!", while the two nose masters scooped up the precious ambergris. "Merci, mes amies! Au revoirs!" And with that, they vanished just as suddenly as they had appeared.

Georgina blinked a couple of times, then continued, undismayed, "Right! Now then, about this house..."

Georgina actually blinked about nine times, but we won't bother with details ... so indeed she did continue, 'Now then, about this house ....

Obviously in the last person's ramblings, there were rather a lot of p's, so we need five bathrooms (otherwise there could be a queue), ten bedrooms, three lounges, 2 kitchens, in case more than one woman lives there, because you know what they say about two women in one kitchen .. and a HUGE CONSERVATORY .. so that Mrs Bucket can have her Candlelit Suppers there ... and anyone who doesn't know who Mrs Bucket ... er Bouquet is .. hasn't seen 'Keeping Up Appearances'.

Then we will need three garages, a long drive with a huge gate to keep out predators with kidney stones and haggis-es .. and a beautifully designed garden .. I would suggest someone like (goodness what was his name?) who designed gardens in the good old past, it escapes me for now.

And of course, we must have a roof and solar powered heating and all the latest eco-friendly gadgets and surprise, surprise, there will be NO Computers ... so there will be no need for any mice.

So come on MEN, strong, no need to be handsome, MEN !

And then .....

El Squid -Let's hope Moby Dick don't ever need to screech again. :grin: :flames: :flames:



Mrs.Bucket suddenly shows up with Richard and says"Onslow belongs here somewhere.

and her long-suffering husband¸ Richard - a man with a canny knack of rolling his eyes but keeping his trap shut says"Shut your mouth Hyacinth.She immediately says"It's my sister Daisy. She's not the one with the gold taps, sauna and room for a pony.Richard again realizes nothing he says...........................

(MAGS you have Daisy back in the tale sort of new Daisy)

... will be taken into consideration, as is the fate of the married man. And yet, being happily retired from the city council, it was his *****ion to remain invisible for as long as possible.

Just then, a construction crew arrrived, ready to spring into action. At their head was a strange, pale man, with some sort of furry creature nesting on his head. Could it be,.... the Donald? Georgina looked askance at the horridly coiffured contractor and decided that anyone with so abysmal an appearance would not do for her house's construction. So, with a thin veiled sneer, she informed him, "You're fired!"

They all disappeared in a puff of self-referance, only to be seen on TV again, ...and again, ...and again. Ad nauseum.

But, it was getting late and they needed a place to dine and rest their weary bones. Fortunately, there was a hostel just down the street, the Fawlty Towers...

<I wonder why i-n-t-e-n-t was bleeped?>

...Polly and Manuel greeted them in the foyer and wished to make everyone's stay as pleasant as possible ...

However, they whispered behind the palm trees, 'what a motley crew we have in front of us, what can we do to make their stay as disastrous as we can?'

Then ....

Then......They realized just the right plan.....Are you being served again.

Now that group of retired nuts could make a very pleasant stay indeed.

Who better to assist at Fawlty Towers with their great......................

... polychromatic-haired Mrs. Slocombe to lead the charge into the wine cellar, followed by Manuel and Basil, no doubt. Much to the displeasure of Captain Peacock and Mrs. Fawlty.

But, horror of horrors, Vivian and Neal fall crashing through the ceiling, as only Young Ones can, scaring the beejezus out of Prince Edmund, the Black Adder, and his henchman, Baldrick. Completely unaware of, or unconcerned with, the writhing mass of humanity in the foyer of Fawlty Towers, Rumpole of the Bailey staggers forth to the dining area, somewhat bleary-eyed from an excess of Chateau West Bank, to meet "she-who-must-be-obeyed" for dinner.

"What's next?" screeched Hyacinth, "Exploding sheep? The Spanish Inquisition?" Whereupon, a Beefeater in full regalia capers up to her, slaps her twice across the face with a halibut and dances away.