The best ficticious computer terms ever!

Your Inverse hypotenator is causing a flux reaction with your flugal valve... (My way of saying, you wouldn't understand, don't ask!)

I agreaa, there are way too many "I'll make the tech think I know what I'm talking about!" people out there.

I want to add more Megahertz to my machine...
You want a faster processor?
No, I want more RAMdrive, I only have 2GB and I'm running out of space.

What OS do you have?
Windows 97.
No you have office 97, what ersion of windows do you have?
97!!

(Seriously had a guy fight me tooth and nail, insisting that he had Windows 97. I told him to bring it in b/c obviously "he had a pirated version of windows and we had to check it out immediately" (wink,wink, nudge,nudge) When he brought it in I proceeded to show him that he indeed had windows 95.)

My favorite real explanation (try it sometime!) Your rotational air circulation and cooling catalyzer, which is attached to the thermal conductive unit, has experienced a massive systems failure. This has resulted in an unacceptably high deltaV between the accepted norm and actual thermal values for your main core computational processor.
or Your cooling fan died and your CPU is overheating.




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What's this button d--

I think I have almost daily discussions on Megahertz vs. Megabytes. I think Megahertz has been applied to almost every aspect of hardware. 50 MHz hard drive, 64 MHz RAM, and I LOVE the 133 GigaHertz processors people claim to have. Are there secret government agencies coming out with 133 GHz when we can only hit 1.13???? If so, will someone please send me an application? I GOTTA see your machine play DOOM, ma'am. Well, besides that and your husband's pr0n, that's all I see on your HD.
/endrant

My favorite is to tell people they have an


ID10T error or (eye D ten Tea error)

Just hope they don't right it down to show there husband or wife. They just might figure it out. But it will get the other techs on the floor laughing every time!

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We may be through with the past, but the past is not through with us.

Yeah, your DMA recorder is out of sync with the IRQ transistor.

Well, your fu-fu valve is out of alignment with the filberflange.

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***the Beast
- Fate drove me here...then told me to get out of the car...

This isn't really related to computers but try inserting "ma" into 2 part words.

eg:
kilamajoules

It makes for really intresting conversations with your chem teacher.

I have one customer in particular that pronounces DOS as DOSE. Others just get confused with the RAM and Hard drive.

We also use the ID10T error alot, and tell the customers with the old 486's they need a new pentLium.

One guy pronounced CMOS as SEE-MOOSE

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I had I guy swear that the best computer ever was a pentenium tree.

I had another one ask for a computer like a Volkswagon - one that won't change for 20 years and still run the same software then as now.

I told him that it didn't exist and he told me I was lying and stormed out.

He probably would have returned it anyway. https://forums.windrivers.com/

Saw this on another thread and though it applied to this one:
http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

The ones I seem to get the most are: People calling the computer a "CPU", mixing up MHZ with MB, calling win95 w/office97 "win97", calling the monitor a "TV", mixing up hard drive and memory etc.
Some people want to know if they can use a "UPS" mouse and a couple thought that thier $20 surge protector strips were UPS's that would run the computer during outages.
I politely correct the nice ones, but the know-it-all's get played with a bit: "Oh, you've got a 60MHZ hard drive? Those are really suseptible to viruses. Don't let the room get below 68 degrees and try to keep it in a seperate room from other computers just in case."
The typical response is "Yeah, I know..." https://forums.windrivers.com/

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Sparky Mark
If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

I had a good one today...it's a new CPU called the Deleron https://forums.windrivers.com/ Guy swore up and down that that was the name and that he had been messing with computers longer than I had been alive...HA! I usually get crap like people calling their tower's Hard Drive's or CPU's...and people thinking the name on the CDROM Drive is really who made it. Damn the Smart100x drives (People think we, SmartPC, made then...blah!). Peace!

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InTheWayBoy - 'NERO!'
[email protected]

I had a good laugh a few years back. I was the computer guru whom everyone came to when they couldn't figure something out. This one guy who is from Buffalo, N.Y., and quite a redneck came up to me one day with a really baffled look on his face and asked "How do you floormat the sloppy disk again? I forgot". I almost fell out of my chair laughing!

There was a competitor of mine that billed a guy $60 to replace a "current limiting device". thats what it said on his bill.

he changed a blown fuse....

Quote:

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Originally posted by Tech666:
There was a competitor of mine that billed a guy $60 to replace a "current limiting device". thats what it said on his bill.

he changed a blown fuse....

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l encountered the "current limiting device" of a computer once...and l took her computer away, and gave it to someone with more potential! https://forums.windrivers.com/

l had to give it to someone who didn't insist on telling me that her computer was 'virused' simply because she kept getting weird error messages (very cryptic, non-english ones like "You are running out of space" or "Adding new hardware"). Man, you make an OS idiot-proof, and the world makes a better idiot.

Quote:

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Originally posted by pga:
had one customer last year ask me what my opinion was on KY2....

must be some type of advanced lubricant....

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aside from the KY2, I had another guy call and tell me that he changed his "Standard Cosmos setup" (CMOS)... (click here to edit the universe?)

And the same guy called me one time to tell me his "Himen" (Himem) was missing!!! (he must have lost his virginity I guess...)

Then there's the new Plentium processors and Celyurons.... haven't been able to get these though... there must be a shortage.

Computer=Hard Drive or Modem
Monitor=Computer

And as said before: RAM=HD and HD=RAM

"...How much can I upgrade my Hard drive?"
well we could put a new 10Gb HDD in there no problem
"how many GHz will that give me then?
It will give you an extra XGb in storage space
"But how much memory on the procesor will that give me?.....etc etc...
The customers Hard Drive is of course the system unit...s..when informed this they usually state that they thought the computer was in the "TV" (monitor).

I have heard the system unit called "the Modem"..ie "Can you put a new computer in our modem?"

Another customer of ours insists on pronouncing CMOS as Cosmos..maybe he knows something we dont?

Megaflips and giggle bytes I have had.

Are'nt customers great?....S

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...just a ghost in the machine...