This week's "best" phone call

Phone support is great, even better when its your so called friend that have a "quick question"!! You only get this call 20 seconds after you get through your front door. Funny how you never hear from them in weeks, then they seem like best buddies during the call...

Them: Hey, gotta quick question
Me: How you been? (knowing what they really want)
Them: Ok, but i have a problem
Me: Yea, whats that?
Them: I boot my PC and it displays an invalid operating system error, whats that?
Me: Ok, turn off your pc,
Them: Its off
Me: Look at the floppy drive, is the small button sticking out farther than normal?
Them: Uhhh, Yea, there is a disk in it!
Me: Push the button, and pull the disk out.
Them: Ok
Me: Now this is the important part, Hold the floppy disk as high over your head as you can and yell in a very loud voice "floppy, floppy, floppy" three times while turning on the pc
Them: Are your sure?
Me: Trust me!

What happens next just proves more and more people really dont need a pc at home!!!



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I wont control what is beyond my reach!

"floppy Floppy Floppy" that's priceless.

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"You gonna pull those pistols, or whistle dixie ?"

floppy, floppy, floppy......VERY creative!!! Love it...phone support SUX!!! Thank goodness I don't have to do that anymore! I was once trying to walk someone though how to make a new folder on their "C" drive. They had me on speaker phone and there were 3 of them there, 3 of them mind you, and it took 20 PAINFUL minutes to FINALLY get the job accomplished.

There should be some sort of IQ test required to operate/own a computer.....Nothing fancy, just basic IQ/common sense.....Kids...give 'em books, they eat the covers..... https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/

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Ever stop to think....and forget to start again?

Had a friend who used to call me up all the time for phone support. He moved to Texas, and STILL called me. Guess he didn't care about the long distance charges...


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MadDog

That "Floppy! Floppy! Floppy!" thing is great!!! It makes me want to mess with people's mind.

I can see it now...

"Invalid system disk" huh? I need you to turn the computer off and take the disk out. Okay, now put the floppy disk in the freezer for 15 minutes. Then call me back when it's good and cold.

Fifteen minutes later my fits of laughter fade to a slight giggle. I pick myself up and answer the phone.

Ok, what color is the disk now? Black? I thought you were using a gray floppy disk. Let me check my manual a second. (Put them on hold as I try to hold back the tears.)

Are you still there, Mam? Ok, the floppy is off balance. We're going to do the "windmill fix." Swing the disk around your head fast.
Ok, now put it into the machine and turn it on.

Same error? You didn't spin it fast enough. Take it out and swingit around really hard. We need to readjust it, so put as much force into it as possible.

Ok, now I want you to press the ENTER button, wait a second, and then place the floppy disk back into the machine.

Windows started up? Great!


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Science is cool. Watch me science little critters to death: http://oberon.spaceports.com/~4science/

This occured about a month ago, and whenever i think about it, i can't help but laughing:

Okay this customer called up the shop, (I know her well.. she's not one of the more computer savvy people in the area, if you know what i mean) and tells me that she's having a problem dialing up to the internet. no big suprise there, she lives about 30 miles from town. i do a little troubleshooting, and all her settings are right, etc. suddenly this idea pops into my head.

i tell her to dial up and let me listen to it (used to people with 2 phone lines). she only has one phone line, so i ask her to dial up, and then call me right back. as i hang up the phone, i start to giggle, and the other tech thats there starts to look at me kinda weird. i tell him to wait and listen...

she calls back, and i ask her to describe what happened. she flusters for a little bit, not knowing how to answer me, when i ask her to repeat the modem noise.. i swear i could almost hear a lightbulb click into place. she repeated what she heard, quite well actually. it was all i could do to hold back the laughter.. dee-doo-dee-thphhhhhh LOL!!!! she ended up bringing it into the shop and i sold her a new modem, but DAMN!! https://forums.windrivers.com/

My least favourite call involves Nobell!!! We use Nobell servers with end(L)users using client 3.3. Anyway, when the (L)user doesn't type the correct pasword Nobell Client will still go into windows, the (L)user will also cancel through the NT login (Yes we still use Both NT and Nobell servers!!). So the (L)user calls and says "Is the internet down??" Uh no, the internet can't go down. "well, I can't get to my www.imadork.com. Ok, so I check their account, sure enough no network address. I tell them they didn't fully login so I need them to get back to Nobell promt. "Ok I need to reboot?" NO NO No, just click on start.. "Oh click on shut down??" NO please don't get ahead of me and let me finish, Just above shut down is Logoff and your (L)user name. See that? "Oh uh yeah, so I should click that?" Yes please. "UH OH! Somehting popped up!" I remain quiet. "Uh it says uhm it says 'Are you sure you want to log off and re log in as a new user?'" I remain quiet. "I should click ok right?" I remain quiet. "OH! I clciked ok and it brought me back to Nobell Client Login!!" Gee, these dumb@$$'s are responsible for running a company.
My other complaint is about the same (L)users who are responsible for customer's accounts can't even remember more than one password!!! https://forums.windrivers.com/

The tellers at the bank I work at have computers with a little receipt printer attached to it. I had one teller call me saying that the printer wasn't working; I go to her window and look at the printer. The cover was open on the printer!!! I smiled, shut the cover, and, lo-and-behold, it started to print! She smacked her forehead so hard that I thought she knocked herself out.

I've noticed a lot of BOFH people in her...

I'll be sure NEVER to call you.

My favorite is 'where’s the any key?' and 'Hi, im <blah> I just bought a laptop from your store. How do I move the little arrow? I think you forgot to give me my mouse." https://forums.windrivers.com/

Floppy floppy floppy
hay do you mind if I use that one !
That was priceless!

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If all else fails read the directions !

Quote:

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<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by marcel:
My favorite is 'where’s the any key?' and 'Hi, im <blah> I just bought a laptop from your store. How do I move the little arrow? I think you forgot to give me my mouse." https://forums.windrivers.com/ </font>

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When people ask you about the any key direct them to the power switch. Try hard to convince them that this is the any key


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When life hands you lemons...Stop being such a sissy and take it like a MAN

This is what I do every single day of my life. It never, and I mean never ceases to amaze me how dim we humans are. My best ones are:

“Oh, you have to put the CD in to play it?”
“Where does the disk go?”

The worst is - “Right click my computer”
“Clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, OK now what?”
“Select properties.”
“It’s not there.”

By far the best call ever came from this beyond stupid lady who about 3 of our techs helped over the course of 3 hours. Everyone infuriated with her as nothing seemed to work and she was in an area with no field tech. They always breed ‘em real dumb where there are no field techs. Near the end of the conversation with her someone asked her:

“Where is the mouse cord located?” asked the tech.
“Under my wrist”, she replied.
“Turn it around, now right click”, said the tech.
“Oh, it works now! There’s that box with properties in it!”

I do this stuff every day of my life and I can say if it wasn’t for beer and scotch I wouldn’t be sane…

Oh, and if you think that this is restricted to computers, you should see the dunces that come into the pet shop I work at on weekends. “You put a piece of macadam (chunk o’ road) in your fish tank and want to know why the fish all die??????


https://forums.windrivers.com/

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now type format c: and press enter and you will never have a pc problem ever again...

First of all I can't stand it when people try talking the lingo and just don't get it right. You know, "I have a Compaq with a 500 gigabyte processor, 128 megahertz memory and a 20 megabyte hd." I wanna just slap them upside the head with the users manual.
"Floppy, Floppy, Floppy!!"
https://forums.windrivers.com/

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"Life is hard...But its harder if you're stupid!"
John Wayne

A customer called up who bought a case from us two years ago, and just bought a 300watt power supply. Now he wanted to return the power supply and keep the case, but get his money back in full.
After we told him, no we can't do that, he started to threaten us and said he would come after the store and us if we didn’t give his money back. We told him, “this conversation has been taped and will be sent to the police.” he hung up.

People somehow think we give support for napster, at least once a day someone will call up saying, “I can’t download songs off napster, it tells me transfer error, fix it”

My Absolute favorite phone calls are people who blame us for their computer not working.

TM: “YOU MOTHER F%@#RS BROKE MY COMPUTER, I CAN’T CHECK MY EMAIL!!!!”

ME: “Sir, whats the invoice number for the computer”
TM: “WHAT?”
ME: “When you brought your computer in we gave you a invoice number”
TM: “I never brought my computer to your store”
ME: “Then why did you say we broke it?”
TM: “Because in the phone book it says your computer specialists”
https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/

You guys all seem to have forgotten that new client (first computer) you just sold a system to.
They call up half an hour after leaving the store, giving me **** and telling me I sold them a lemon, saying they just plugged everything in and there is no sound.
And of course they have a brother in law/sister in law,aunt,uncle,friend,engineer buddy,neighbor or teenager who is a computer whiz and they checked it and the sound card I sold them is garbage (we only sell Creative by the way).
Now here is the good part cause I get this call at least once a week,

Me:Sir/Madame, would you please explain to me where you plugged the speaker cable.

Client https://forums.windrivers.com/o you think Im an idiot,we already checked that,!@###$%%^^&**( think I dont
know what the hell...

Me:Sir/Madame, would you please explain to me where you plugged the speaker cable.

Client:I plugged it where its bloody written speaker you *&%%$@#@#,you think Im an idiot,goddam we already checked all the wires.

Me:Sir/Madame, is their a phone jack beside the speaker cable...

Client:ugh...yes there is.

Me:Sir/Madame,kindly unplug the speaker wire from the modem and plug it into the GREEN hole on the sound card.

Me:hang up and slowly crank up the song Zombie (the Cranberries) till I cant here myself thinking anymore.



[This message has been edited by Cielnoir (edited February 22, 2001).]