"Oh, no problem sir. That's an I, D, 10, T problem. We'll take care of it."
ID10T
;-)
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"Oh, no problem sir. That's an I, D, 10, T problem. We'll take care of it."
ID10T
;-)
User Is Smoking The Rainbow Colored Crack Pipe. -this came from an old microsoft support manual from back in their old days.
https://forums.windrivers.com/
Classic....! I fell off my big black chair!
Keep it real man
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No girl deserves my tears, and the one who does will never make me cry.
Well, I can't take claim for this one, but I was told about it at a job I had once.
The guy was a salesperson at a retail store about 7 years ago. Back then, nobody knew anything about them thar puters.
To sell the extended warranty, he would tell them that the hard drive spins at 5400 rpm. After about 6 months of use, the data on the drive would work it's way to the edges of the drive through centrifugal force. Eventually all the data would just spin off the drive and onto the case. He said the warranty would pay to put the data back on. I guess he sold lot's of warranties that way.
As for me, when my boss comes in and starts asking me questions, I actually explain what I'm doing. He stops me after about a minute, says "keep up the good work", and walks away! I get a big kick out of it!
https://forums.windrivers.com/
All in fun of course our help desk as a couple of hard drive platters hanging from their cubicles and when an idiot calls in they hit it with their pen (anybody remember the GONG show.)
Another one of my favorite fixes for computers is the shut your pc off for 30 mins. and turn it back on and try what you were doing before you turned it off. Miraculously, everything seems to work fine.
Jeremy ([email protected])
Quote:
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EPOR...EPOR...EPOR
OK, this is a conversation I just had with a user.
U - How can I turn of my printer port at home?
M - Um, uninstall it in the control panel add remove hardware.
U - how easy is it for a hacker to get into my computer through my printer port.
M - Umm, What?
U - I was watching TV yesterday and they had this web security consultant on talking about internet security and they said that hackers could get in through my printer port and that I either had to shut down that port or get a firewall.
M - Most computer security isn't compromised via your printer.
U - well they said most hackers go through printer port 80.
M - that would be port 80, the HTTP port.
U - well how can I turn off that port?
M - YOU can't.
U - well then I need a firewall, where can I get one.
M - Um, I think you are wasting your time and money, firewalls are hard to operate and unnecessary for home use.
U - well than how do I keep hackers from getting into my system like they did Microsoft?
M - Umm, your not Microsoft. If they wanted your computer they would kick in your back door and take it.
U - so they can still get in trough my printer port then?
M - yes, but HP's usually prevent that. If you disconnect from the internet after you load the web page that will also prevent them from getting in.
U - Oh, I didn't know that, thank you.
Um I didn't know that either. When did my printer operate on port 80? What government is she working for? Who is on TV talking about HTTP ports and causing me grief? Why do dumb asses think they can run a firewall? And finally, anyone got an Advil?
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How do you set a laser printer to stun?
Here at hell inc https://forums.windrivers.com/... We have a more than sufficent lack of training for the users, so we get some really, and i mean really stupid questions. ie "a lady taking 30 minutes over the phone to eject a floppy from her pc" (yes im quitting but its true). But anyway, with the quantity of user errors we get, we usually feed tech bs followed by a true description. Ie windows blah blah whatever to make it sound good and then
It was bassically a 404 error, 404 being the web page not found error which we take as user is cluless
or it was a lack of rotfm regarding the system - reading of the F(*&ing manual
or it seems that it was all because a P.E.B.C.A.K - problem existed between chair and keyboard
or otherwise, it seems that there was a C.U.E - carbon unit error.
Im sure weve used others, but i have a meeting to attend. btw, for whomever posted it, we have already implemented the ringing of the platters upon dumbass questions so we all know to listen to the ensuing bs, thank you
When I worked for a shop as a lowly tech(he he) we had three things that the management wanted us to write on work orders that involved the stupidity of the user.
1) UI Virus - otherwise known as User Incompitance.
2) Short circuit - between the keyboard and the chair
3) Pokey Virus - (this was before pokemon hit big) User had been poking around where he/she should not have been.
While these were fine for most cases, we would joke about a variety of things in the shop, like the woman who brought in her computer for a tuneup. We found that one of her serial ports was bad, and replaced it, charging her $5 for it, plus the $55 an hour labor. She paid the labor without batting an eye, and then had a complete hissy-fit over the cost of the port. When the tech room, which was in another part of the building from customer pickup, heard this, it took about an hour for people to stop laughing.
Then there was the guy who had a porn website as his home page. It would pop open a window that could not be closed, so we reset it to a church's home page and told the user he had been hit by the "Godly Intervention" virus.
Then there was the user that had lost his power supply fan, and had hooked up his wife's hair dryer to the back with duct tape and tried to convince us that the components had to be kept warm, otherwise they would "freeze-up." We even had the manager try to explain it to him, to no avail.
And, finally, this one happened to me after I had gone independant.
Customer(on phone):It just won't turn on.
Tech(me): Okay, did you check all of the cables to see if they are all pluged in?
C(this should have sent up a red flag, but didn't): Yeah, and all of the cables *I can see* are plugged in fine.
T: Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes.
C(on location): The monitor just sits there and says "Check Signal" and no lights come on the computer.
T(I open the small door on the desk which hides the computer. Sure enough, no lights, no power. The guy had wedged the computer as far foreward as it could go, so I pulled it out and looked behind. Sure enough all of the cables were plugged in, except for a small black plug, caught on the "cable hole" at the back of the desk, the power cable. I plugged it back in, and, sure enough, lights, sound, and operation!):Ah, I see, the computer's proximity sensor was stuck because of the desk. Here, I'll move in under the desk instead of inside it....
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-- "Dilithium Crystals destabilizing her Positronic Matrix of her computer's Sub-Neural pathways."
-- "ASP page that validated his logon script was recieveing the completely wrong parameters and that I had to COMPLETELY reprogram that page and then upload it to the server. "
-- Heating components so the won't "freeze-up"
These had me falling out of my chair!
It's your muffler bearings on the primary du-flunker connected to the CPU main station.
cant think of a good b/s that I`ve given, but I did have a customer write a letter to me explaining that "the 10gb dick you inserted in April hasn`t worked!!", I have the letter pinned up, and it always makes me howl.
cheerz ears
G
cant think of a good b/s that I`ve given, but I did have a customer write a letter to me explaining that "the 10gb dick you inserted in April hasn`t worked!!", I have the letter pinned up, and it always makes me howl.
cheerz ears
G
This is an easy one.
Customer: "So what was the problem" (sounding demanding, as if it was my fault in the first place.
Me: "Well sir, after extensive testing, I found problems in your Windows Registry Repository Database. That is a huge file that contains every bit of information on your computer.There were several pointers that link keys to data values that were corrupted."
Customer: "How does that happen!!!" (loudly).
This is where it gets fun, because we all know that almost every customer does what I am about to say.
Me: "Well, sir, the cause of the problem 99% of the time is when Windows is not shut down properly. Many people tend to just turn off the computer without going through the proper shutdown sequence. This can really blow the pointers out of sync. Sometimes we have completely reinstall the operating system. Fortunately, we did not have to do that this time. May I show you the Windows shut down sequence or do you already run that properly?".
The customer simply takes the machine and walks away because he knows he's guilty of not shutting down Windows properly (even though it had nothing to do with the problem. Works every %$%%!^##$?& time!
Bruce Tyler
"Throw out the election. Let Clinton run it for another 4 years!"
How's this for an anagram? (hope you know what an anagram is)
"President Clinton of the USA". Move the letters around and it becomes, "To copulate, he finds interns".
Who ever thought that up has either too much time on their hands and/or is a Master at Scrabble.
Oh, come on guys! It's so simple, maybe you need a refresher course. It's all ball-bearings nowadays. Now you prepare that flexervalve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads. And I'm going to need about 10 quarts of anti-freeze. Preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State
I used to do tech support behind a desk to the tune of 1500 calls per year plus travel.
After a while we had a long list of stuff to say to people to let then know what we thought about them without hurting their feelings.
I saw one already but ill add it anyway
ID10T - IDIOT
I/O - Incompatent Operator
PLICK - Problem lies inbetween chair n Keyboard
10/32 - user had a 10bit brain and a 32 bit processor
Add MORe!!
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Tech - Didn't work hun?
Tech - Press the SLAP key
Cust - Ouch that hurt!
Tech - Um press it harder
That must be one he**uva floppy :-) Reminds me of the guy that wanted the 1.44 foot floppy drive installed. Gave me a chuckle for weeks https://forums.windrivers.com/Quote:
Originally posted by Drinkumfirewater:
cant think of a good b/s that I`ve given, but I did have a customer write a letter to me explaining that "the 10gb dick you inserted in April hasn`t worked!!", I have the letter pinned up, and it always makes me howl.
cheerz ears
G