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I say move on. There should be no regret about it. You say you still love her and have been through therapy. You also say that you have a new girlriend. Therefore chosen one, I say that its time to let the past stay in the past.
Don't hook back up with your ex-wife. If she really loved you, then she would have gotten marriage counselling if she really believed there was a problem.
The choice will utimately be yours and good luck with whatever you choose. :) :)
Sure, this is a blanket statement, but too often true, "a person's past behavior is indicative of how they will behave in the future."
My advice, avoid her like a palestinian flag waving person wearing a trenchcoat in the summer, walking up to a synagogue...
I've been in a similar spot with an ex*that sounds disturbingly like yours in some aspects*, and everytime I took her back, do you know, the same sheeyat occured like it did before...and I'm hoping you're better at pattern recognition than I was..it took me frikkin years time to realise everytime she said "things will be better," they never were..
Sad thing is, even though I finally called it quits for good with her years ago, and wish I could get those wasted years of my life back, some strange part of me still loves her
Don't forget the past and the good times you and the ex had, but DO remember what she did to you at the end and what it did to you,when you get nostalgiac for "the good old days" It helps, believe me
And for what its worth, it sounds like your current lady, is stable and loving, and some one to explore a possible future with.
:)
Oh, your friends and family's advice? THEY'RE RIGHT!!
cheers!
Well, thanks everyone for all of your input. And moving on is the way I'm leaning. It's just hard. But again, I appreciate all the advice. I know it's hard to give advice to someone and about someone you don't even know. My ex is by nature a sweet caring woman, she's just got issues. Several to be exact. But anyway, I'll keep checking back to see if anyone has more to add. And I'll update as soon as there is one for anyone who is interested in this little chapter of my life. I need to make this decision soon because it's not being fair to her if I drag it out.
Thanks again!
Take it from an old fart (well not as old as Spiff ;) ), RUN!!! Wait a minute that's what Spiff advised! Seriously though you want to put a whole bunch of space between you and your ex. Alas it is sometimes difficult to make lucid decisions in affairs of the heart. Good Luck!
LOL! Yeah, take the advice of a couple old farts, bail out now before it gets further out of control. We've both been there and done that and, if not, we've seen people who have... :eek2:Quote:
Originally posted by Major Kong
Take it from an old fart (well not as old as Spiff ;) ), RUN!!! Wait a minute that's what Spiff advised! Seriously though you want to put a whole bunch of space between you and your ex. Alas it is sometimes difficult to make lucid decisions in affairs of the heart. Good Luck!
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Originally posted by Chosen One
My ex is by nature a sweet caring woman, she's just got issues. Several to be exact. But anyway, I'll keep checking back to see if anyone has more to add.
Is she really sweet or is that how you perceive her? Love clouds the mind and leaves us vulnerable. Seen so many people think the world of a person who was so obviously bad for them.
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I need to make this decision soon because it's not being fair to her if I drag it out.
Good luck. Oh, and as a parting bit of advice - If you had to ask this question in the first place - you have to go. If you were in a healthy relationship - this would never have come up.
You are always going to love your ex. No getting around it. But that in no way means you should be together. Move on.
Run. She is still "finding herself" (whatever that means?!) and you dont want to be riding that roller coaster.
Here's another vote for "MOVE THE HELL ON!"
I would agree with the general consensus (sp?) here. You should move on.
She seriously hurt you once, a type of hurt that can only come form someone you love, trust, and let them see your 100% true self.
Whats to say after you let her back in and things get back to 'normal' she won't try it again?
It could easily turn into a cycle that you will be seriously hurt in every year or so, like clockwork.
She leaves you, you get a divorce, she has fun, she comes back to you, return to step one.
In life you have to watch out for YOU. If you take her back, you're just leaving the door open for you to be hurt, again. Sure, it will be very hard, and at times like this you will need your (true) friends and family more than ever.
You sound like a great guy, you gave her almost total freedom. You respected her, you stood by her while she made career changes when they wern't necesary.
She's the one that f'ed up, not you.
Be strong, be smart, and don't think with whats below the belt. ;)
Keep your head on stright, and you'll be fine before you know it.
Sounds like you will need some time for you. You said you still love her, well, thats normal. 14 months of marriage (and I don't know how much longer the relationship was) is a long time to just forget overnight. When you're "over" her, it will hit you like a ton of bricks.
Good luck and be strong. We're here for you. WIndrivers is more than a tech board, its a community.
As someone who's had similar experiences, I also suggest that you stop seeing/talking to this person.
Feelings are extremely difficult to go against, but as you've explained it yourself, your mind (whether consciously or unconsciously) is telling you to run away. Be wise about this and don't let your feelings alone decide what comes into your life.
You may come to the conclusion that a second try is a possibility anyhow, but make sure that she and you have been single for a while to avoid any "rebound" problems.
But for now, keep your distance.
You'd probably be better off without her but sometimes people need to grow up. If you love her you'll take her back but it will take years to trust her. You've gotta ask yourself if your willing to risk that much when you've already been burned once. Look for signs of maturity in her and also in yourself. ...and if she's jumping from him to you, don't let her live with you. Grab a book on co-dependancy.
I can understand your pains. Your biggest problem is that your brain & everyone is saying RUUUUUUUN, but because she is always calling you and planting these little "I love you" in your ear, your heart is saying "Stay".
NooNoo is right, you are her dock in her unstable ocean of life!! But believe me, she likes to sail my friend.
She may stay docked for a while but the sea will always call her & one day she will let the wind fill her sails (or other things) and she will be off for another voyage again!!
I used to date a gal like this (damn ho). It may be hard to look through the haze that she is planting in your head, but take it from us experienced folks. Turn your back, dont take her calls, and if you feel weak, seek your present g'f company!! This should help.
If she did it before she WILL do the same thing again. Dont take her back dude! Ive been there before and its only worse the second time.
On the note of the other GF. IMHO you have to be happy and stable in your own life before you can give your all to anyone else. I wasnt able to date someone until I was happy to be alone. The special things never come around if your always looking for em.
Yup, yup, yup! That's what I told him! Yup, yup, yup! :)Quote:
Originally posted by Wayward Clam
Here's another vote for "MOVE THE HELL ON!"