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It all seems so familiar to me, I've heard at least 3/4ths of them from customers. But by far my favorite (I've had this happen at least 10 times a year).
Customer calls:
Is my computer done yet?
(ok, how am I supposed to know)
My answer:
I don't know yet, can I have your name ?
I mean, really, how am I supposed to know. If you were my only customer, how would I stay in business.
Here's one.
Why doesn't might light switch work at home? Can you fix it?? :mad:
"Sal! You have to fix this!" More of a demand than a question...
"Where's my thing? I can't get into (insert name of program) if I can't get to my thing!"
AAAHHH!!!!!!!
http://frontierhorizon.clanpages.com/forum/pi_mad.gif
Sometimes, it just makes me want to http://frontierhorizon.clanpages.com/forum/pi_cry.gif
"Is the internet down?"
"Why am I not able to print?"
"Can I ask you a question/borrow you for a second/pick your brain?"
"Am I doing this right?" (I like this one because at least it leaves open the possibility that the user is doing it wrong).
"Do I HAVE to change my password?"
"Why do we have so many passwords?"
"What would you say you do here?" (from my boss, just like Office Space).
<H2> What ! Why can't you fix VCR's you work on computers. Asked at least once a week... :mad: :mad: :eek:
LOL Window Washer.
Most common ones I get are.
-Is that hard to install?
-In office how do I (Insert procedure which requires at least one component install)?
-In office how do I (Insert procedure which can be called off the pull down menu)?
-I could have done that. Why are you charging me $40?
Did ya ever get this one???
My Hard Drive Crashed, Can You Fix it?
I can look at it for you, what brand is it.
Its a (Maxel, sony, IBM, Fuji, Whatever)
Because they dont know the difference between
a Hard Disk Drive & a Floppy Disk Drive.
Also This (Whatever Program) Wont Run, it
says it only needs 32MB. I just upgraded to 20 Gigabyets... Duh, not even going there...
Thankfully, I don't do support anymore, but when I did, the absolute most common question was:
User: "@$#%! Why the @$#$ did you change my $%@ password? I need to get some &@*# work done here!"
Me: "Change the state of your caps lock key."
User: "%$&#! Do you think I'm %$&@* stupid? It's not that! Stop @#*$& jerking me around and change my password back!"
Me: "Please humor me. Check your caps lock key."
User: "Oh." *click*
Fortunately, I worked for a small IT department. Since the people calling me were fellow employees rather than customers, and since they all knew about my twisted sense of humor, I got away with being mean to them on occasion. :p
User: "My computer's broke! Fix it!"
Me: "Ok, I know exactly what the problem is."
User: "But I didn't even tell you yet. How can you...."
Me: "Your computer needs a user upgrade."
User: "Huh?"
Me: "Yep. Replace the user with a better one and I can guarantee your computer will function properly."
User: "Shut uuuuuuuuup! Why are you always so mean to me?"
Me: "I'm mean to everyone. Don't think you're special."
Always remember the acronym PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair. :)
Yeh they do that because its easier than doing what you suggested.Quote:
Originally posted by LPetrarca:
Yeah I get those too. They ask for your advice, you take the time to explain to them, in pain-staking detail, what they need to do, then they go off and do something that their neighbor told them to try. Then, when that doesn't work and the machine's totally screwed, they come back to you looking for more advice!
:)
My personal Favorite is "Its not my fault that virus is on my computer"
"I am just after your expert advice"
But it doesn't matter what you tell them they have a friend that is a "whiz" on computers. They make out you know nothing even though they want your "expert opinion"
They S__T me
My Favorite of all “ I keep getting this blue screen, How do I fix it???”
And on my NT4.0 Workstations “Can you fix my DEFRAG???
-------------------------------------------------
Many people, when they run into a telephone pole, blame the pole!
:D
"I can't connect to the internet"."My father just worked on it"."What do you think"?"Dum de dum de dum,let me see".Go into control panel/network.Absolutely blank in network."well he's exercising parental control".
underseer,beautiful,I got to remember that one,"user upgrade". :D
i like these
"what version of windows are you running?"
"6.0"
and
"i just formatted my hard drive did i lose my email?"(nice time to ask)
and
"my modem doesnt work""when i push the button it doesnt turn on, and the cd's wont come out"
or i got this error when im online that says my computer is not optimised to view the website" (the add on different websites
oh i forgot one
"my monitor smells like it is burning can you fix it?"
my most frequently asked question has got to be "Why doesn't my printer work?" to which I normally reply
"put some paper in it/Change the toner cartridge"
This has been happening now at least once a day for the past few weeks now and to be quite truthfrul is beginning to drive me CRAZY!!!!!.
As I work internal support I usually get a variation on the following:
Can you re-set my password?
I forgot my password can you re-set it?
I wasn't sure of my password so I tried 3 times and now im locked out, can you unlock it?
Or if they are talking about home I get the old...
I want to get the internet at home. What do you recomend?
I want a PC. I only need it for typing documents and email. What can I get for £1500 - £2000? (<--- 2000!!! Blooming plebs)
What did you do? You just walk in here and it works, it don't like me......
Ahh, I weep for the future of industry, may the tech world flourish in StupidUserVille!
how about when I send out a message
We need to reboot the server.
"Can you wait until I finish typing my document?"
No, we need to reboot
Why?
Because we need to, that is why
"Will you wait til I am done?"
(this one happened yesterday, she spent more time arguing than time it would have taken to reboot, sad sad..
My favorite question is one I ask
Why God, Why?
I get this one at least once a week...
How do i switch this to landscape view in Excel?
Now, being one of two "Computer People" in the company i work for it IS part of my job description... but not to answer the SAME bloody question from the [B][I]SAME{/B}[/I} bloody person each week :eek:
My all time favorite is the question asked after the user hosed it up real good:
"Oh, is that bad?"
and of course the evasive responses:
"It just stopped working, I didn't do anything; can you fix it?"
And if I hear this again I will scream in the client's face:
"I don't know nuthin' 'bout computers"
:mad:
Lets see. I think my all time favorite is "I don't know what happened, it just quit working by itself, can you fix it?".
Of course, everyone of us gets this, "If I brought in my home computer can you take a look at it?". I've even had them ask me if I would come to their house on a Sunday and fix their computer.
I really like this one. "I bought a modem for my computer, where does it go?"
" - can I get this for less somewhere else?"
thats probably my LEAST favorite, or how about
" - do you know where I can download (game or program) instead of paying the ($$) for it here?"
like Im the king of all Warez or something...
Most common question:
Q:Where did you learn all this stuff?
A:I'm a genius.
2nd most common question:
Q:Why is my computer so slow?
A:Because it's only a 166 and you installed every stupid piece of crap shareware program ever created to make it worse. And how many friggin instant messeging programs do you really use anyway?
But not necessarily in those exact words.
It has to be...
"Can I ask you a question?" - they just did.
"When is the outage (typically internet, sometimes voice mail on RS/6000) going to be over?"
"What's an OC-3 connection to the internet (155mb/s)"
Sheesh!
Ken
quote from lots of customers, I don't know anything about computers. Why th F*** are u using it then ?, in this day and age lack of basic computer skills in the work palce is no excuse for f'ups and time wasting.
christ my step dad can safely operate the internet, a some apps on his pc and he's only been using one for six moths.
joe average user should be shot.
My all-time favorite questions:
1) What's a keyboard? :eek:
2) How can I download my modem drivers? :p
3) When does the internet run out? :confused:
4) I can't find the internet in my computer, is it done downloading? :(
5) Can you see what I see?
6) What's this about windsocks? :o
7) (While working for an ISP) How do I install my ZIP drive? :mad:
8) Can you send someone to my house to fix it?
9) Is it done yet? :rolleyes:
10) What's a PIBCAK? :D
Yea, I love the these -
me : hello [co. name] this is Jesse, how can I help you?
user : oh hi jeffy (we have someone named jeff)
me : no, no, this is Jesse
user : Effy? (yea, exactly, wtf)
me : NO J-E-S-S-E
user : oohhh!! Jeffy! :mad:
I kid you not, someone ACTUALLY CALLED ME EFFY!! How the F--- does that come out?!
blah blah blah - my comp won't work - blah blah blah, let me tell you what I did, {I'm a complete moron cause I went into dos and typed in del *.dll in the windows directory} :rolleyes:
Another one I forgot
user : well, I could get this cheaper on the net!
me : probably - didn't you want this today though?
user : yea, I need it now.
me : :rolleyes: ok, this is what we have.
user : its 35 bucks cheaper at spankme.com!
me : ok, $65 + like 40 overnight shipping...and you STILL won't have it right now...
hehe, I love that...
The most common, "When will it be done". Sometimes I get that question several times a day, from the same person. They should realize, the more they call, the longer it's going to take for me to get to it. They don't realize that when I say it will take 2-3 days to get to and complete that if they call an hour after they drop it off that it's probably not done yet. My favorite is when there's bluescreen errors and the user asked what's causing it. I've accually told someone that was being a pain that it was a id10t error. They didn't get it, I didn't think they would, but isn't that the beauty, we can rip on customers to their face and they don't even know it. :p
I get the worst questions outside of work. The one that starts it all off is, "Oh, you know about these things?" I hate that, I don't do **** outside of work. I'm "low-tech" once I leave the damn office, leave me alone!
I really hate it when a close friend, or say my mother volunteers my tech skills to some person I don't know but they do. Give me a break, I'll tech my Mom's computer and some close friend's, but not every Joe Schmoe out there. ARGGHH!! :mad: :mad:
We'll...EitherQuote:
Originally posted by bfrau:
"I bought a modem for my computer, where does it go?"
Back to the store.
Or we can shine that sucker up real nice, turn it sideways and.....
Usually i get this question:
"Is it possible to delete the history of were I've been on the internet(my marriage depends on it)?"
HA HA HA HA HA. LOL.Quote:
Originally posted by 'Cobra':
"Why is there a picture of my wife naked on your desktop?"
"I need more ram, so my internet will download faster"
"Why does my computer keep crashing? I installed Norton System works! Its supposed to fix everything!"
"Are you sure that red light is supposed to be on?"
"My computer keeps locking up. I tried Defraging it, but it still wont work. Can you show me how to Defrag correctly?"
"You mean Windows isn't free?"
Whenever I read the posts on this board, I want to sit down and cry.
I use to work at a Internet service. Here are some of my favorite ones:
Hey I just bought this here NASCAR and it wont install. It said it had internet support so I called you fellers.
Then there was this one lady who could reck a machine in under a week. I would take her wrecked machine and use it for months. As soon as she got another one she wrecked it again. She would ask do you think its me? DUH!!!!
MY favorite was Why isnt my Yahoo working? hey you own yahoo!! WOW!
Then theres this one lady that asked if I could put the Internet on a CD for her so she could take it home. When I told her I couldnt she repied that AOL does. I told her to get AOL then.
DO yall' sell type writers here? No what about paper? Sure 1.59 per pack of 100 sheets. (By the way she was drunk and fell on her way out the door).
Do you sell AOL here? Sure Ill sell you this 700 hour disk for 30 bucks.
Do you sell AOL here? No we are a independant ISP. Well how much is AOL? I dont know. She finaly after me explaining to her we are not AOL agrees to purchase 1 month. The next day she storms in saying i falsely sold here our access under AOL's name demanding her money back.
So the most frequently asked question I got was:
DO YOU SELL AOL? ARRRRRRRRGH!!
:confused:
I always love these ones :)
I have a virus? How did i get that?
My computer won't boot it says ivalid system disk...why won't it boot??
IS THERE A FLOPPY DISK IN THE DRIVE???
yes
DOH!
Those are the main ones that come to mind right now :)
would you pull my finger?
-Do you sell computers?
-Do you buy computers?
-Do you repair computers?
-Do you upgrade computers?
-No, sir or madam, this is a mouse pad store. We sell mouse pads. All of these computers you see, the big Computer Renaissance sign above you, and the big "We Buy, Sell, Trade, and Service New and Used Computers!" sign are just for interior decor. If you want to buy a computer, you want next door, under the "Toronto Nail Design" sign. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :rolleyes:
I hate it when I meet someone new and who ever I am with says "Oh yeah by the way Nick works with computers..." The next thing I know some bozo is asking me questions about why his POS computer won't work. I hate that! GRRrrrrrrr! :mad:
Or how about family...thats even worseQuote:
I hate it when I meet someone new and who ever I am with says "Oh yeah by the way Nick works with computers..." The next thing I know some bozo is asking me questions about why his POS computer won't work. I hate that! GRRrrrrrrr!