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Just heard a great one in the office...a little play on the English language, I suppose.
Old DOS system, an employee asks how to get back to the root directory, tech responds "Type C: enter". Employee claims it came back with unknown command, etc. Mystified, the tech discovers the employee typed "see colon enter" and hit the 'return' key.
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"Corporal! Go tell Ma to bring me my field knife!"
I had one come in the other day and tell me that his "strotostrass circuit had an open in it." I asked where he heard that, as he obviously was trying hard to remember it exactly, and he said it was another comp shop. He then proceededto pull a note from his pocket, with the other shops logo on it, and read it agin " the strotostrass circuit has an open." I asked if I could see the note, and it actually said that. I found out from a tech at the other store that the guy waas a pain in the @$$ and he was given this note to go around to other shops because the first store couldnt fix his problem. It was great...a friend of mine works as a "tech" at best buy and said the guy came in there too.....what a rube.
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if you ever see a pit bull on fire....dont pat him on his head
I get this all the time. Everytime a user has just about any problem tehy call and say "I think my comptuer has a virus". Then you go and their monitor is unpluged or something stupid like that. Or there floppy drive broke or whatever it is and so may people always think its a virus.
We even had a network admin (or so he claimed when we hired him) and he did the same thing. He would come rushing over and say,"I think so and so's PC and such and such plant has a virus. Becuase office 97 si crashing." He did it for everything.
No wonder everyone worries about virus so much if thats what they think they all are like and so easy to get. Shesh. Its not like the media helps either.
I love the people that don't belive in clones, when asked what type of machine they have, they reply, and orginal IBM PC made by Dell ?!?!?!
We have three signs in our tech area that attract attention:
1) Friend's don't let friends give tech advise.
2) If you could fix it, then you would not be here...
3) Prices dependent on customers attitute.
They break the ice in a funny way, but say all that needs to be said because...
1> Your friend most likely screwed it up for you.
2> You brought it here for us to fix, so you can tell us what's wrong, and we even will accept your story on how it happened, but please don't try to help us fix it.
3> Pissing us off is one sure way insure that we replace marginal parts rather than chance fixing them.
Cust: I like to play games and I'm out of space on my hard drive can you upgrade it?
Yes.
Cust: Will I have more memory to run programs then?
No, then you would need memory...
Cust: So then upgrading the memory will give me a faster processor I need?
No, replacing the processor will.
Cust: I already have a 32MB processor.
No, that's memory.
Cust: So what your saying is my hard drive is already good enough?
No, why don't you bring in the unit for a free evaluation?
Cust: Why should I carry it in, if you don't already know what it is, after I explained it all to you.
At this point all I can think is...You should carry it in, sell it to us, and buy a nintendo, you are obviously too challenged to own a PC.
Customer: I would like to buy a new computer
Us: Great! We can build one for you.
Customer: You can build a PC?
Us: Yes
Customer: What brand is it?
Us: What brand is it?
Customer: Yes
Us: It's ours. We build it for you.
Customer: Oh? I never heard of that brand.
I guess my 2 favs are:
It was an RTFM problem
We had to replace the "over protection circuit"
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protechpc.com
One customer has a Citrus Logic video card and it provided him with 100% of his daily vitamin C requirements. https://forums.windrivers.com/
A couple customers have something called a "mow-dee-um" which is an obvious name for the artifact discovered in Tut's Toumb. https://forums.windrivers.com/
A new port has been invented on a couple customer's computers: APG slot. What it does is...um, actually I don't know. https://forums.windrivers.com/
Those are some of the ones we regularly get at this olde shoppe.
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CUSTOMER.EXE cannot find file BRAIN.DLL - program will continue to talk anyway
Every day people come in and tell me of their computer woes. I ask...
ME: "What kind of computer is it?"
THEM: HP Pavillion 5423 (or some #)
ME: "What kind of computer is it?"
Like I have a database of every brand/model number in my head.
I remember when pentiums first came out. We had a guy who was looking at ordering one who always called it a pentarium. We have another guy call them pent-chums. But what I loved most is they never picked up on it.
Customer: I would like to look at your prices on Pentarium computers.
Me: Here is a flyer with our current PENTIUM (I would stress the word!) prices.
Customer: I'm interested in the Pentarium 90 system.
Me: OK, I will work a quote on the PENTIUM 90 (overly emphasized this time) system for you with your specs.
Customer: Also, give me the price difference to go to a Pentarium 100.
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!
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WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO TODAY?......Not that it matters, because Micrsoft will crash on the way there!!!
Some times I wonder if the same customers travel from tech bench to tech bench. I have heard almost everyone of these terms. Sometimes I start to believe them! Does anyone else get there "special Customers" https://forums.windrivers.com/ at our bench there are sertain customers that you see walk up and everyone fights over who will talk to them, we know that we are going to get sworn at, or told we are crooks. Why do people trust there auto Mechanics with anything, but if we charge them 30 bucks for a modem install, we are stealing the food from there childrens mouths??? https://forums.windrivers.com/
The other day i got a call from a "regular" who now asks for me by name, and will hold to talk to me, rather than someone else! https://forums.windrivers.com/ I do not understand this because i am very short with him and make it quite clear that he anoyees the crap out of me. He asks me which prosessors i prefer, AMD, or PENGULUMS? I prompty told him AMD, because i had never heard of the other one. He was shocked that he knew something i didn't. He continued to glote on the phone until i promptly said "although, PENTIUMS are very good too" he promptly realized what an A$$ he is and hung up. He has not called since, thank GOD! https://forums.windrivers.com/
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We may be through with the past, but the past is not through with us.
I had a customer several days ago tell me that she got on line and her, "Internet Explosion" froze on her. A customer also once brought us an HP laserprinter. They told us it was buggy. We opened it up, and there was a mouse fused to the fuser board. Looks like he crawled up into the printer cause it was warm. The funny thing is that when we removed the mouse, the printer stopped working. The little mouse was completing the circuit. https://forums.windrivers.com/
We had one customer say that the information was transvered vesa-ve local bus. https://forums.windrivers.com/
We've had numerous people call the popular printer "Leemark"
Me: What kind of printer do you have?
Cust: I don't know...
Me: What does it say on the front?
Cust: L--l--leemark 3200
Me: Hmm...could that be Lexmark?
Cust: Yeah! L--l--l--leemark...
Or, even better...
Cust: I'm having a problem with my printer.
Me: What kind of printer?
Cust: I don't know...
Me: What does it say on the front?
Cust: Leemark Z-3-2
Me: Ok. Call Lexmark. Their number is 1-800-LEXMARK
Cust: How do you spell that?
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***the Beast
- Fate drove me here...then told me to get out of the car...
The last guy that walked in today said, during the check in, that he told his wife she had to keep her temp files cleared out because it slows down the computer. The problem he was having today was that the computer would not boot. No problemo!!
I plug it in, and of course, it boots just fine. I figure I will check it out. The hard drive showed that it had not been scanned of defraged for 3,485 days. 9.5 years?
Wuz up with that?
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Need a website? We can help!
protechpc.com
hahahahaha yup i know that chick
just earlier today. one of my co-workers comes in and asks me if we have any RIMMS to upgrade her machine with. I tell her that the only RIMMS that I know about are on my truck. These won't fit would they ?????