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Just all those things your boss/society/the law won't let you get away with. Me personally:
1. Slapping around customers I think are too stupid for the good of society.
2. Putting huge DUMBASS stickers on the computers of those I deem worthy.
3. Mandatory IQ and literacy test before you can buy a computer.
4. The right to be just as neanderthal as the customer. (sometimes ya think they'd just start behaving if they realized what they looked lik)
1) Not paying property, sales and income tax.
2) Not smogging my vehicles or paying license fees.
3) Not registering my firearms.
Hell, I can think of dozens of things, these just top the list. https://forums.windrivers.com/
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It's a dog eat dog world out there, and there isn't enough dog to go around. So get as much dog as you can, before all the dogs gone.
I agree with you 200% Those are all so my top 3 picks! https://forums.windrivers.com/ But #4. Has to be Out Lawing Telephone marketing !Quote:
Originally posted by Green Iguana:
1) Not paying property, sales and income tax.
2) Not smogging my vehicles or paying license fees.
3) Not registering my firearms.
Hell, I can think of dozens of things, these just top the list. https://forums.windrivers.com/
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If all else fails read the directions !
just drape your sweaty sack over somebody phone next time they're out. it can be anybody you don't like. you'd be suprised at how cathartic this feels. https://forums.windrivers.com/
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=-iateyourcat-=
[This message has been edited by iateyourcat (edited December 02, 2000).]
1. Mounting a .50 Cal. to the roof of my car to motivate the a-holes who think that driving 55 MPH in the left lane is their God given right.
2. Pulling over cops who don't use turn signals, speed without the benefit of lights and sirens, and tailgate; then sentencing said offenders to 30 days in the county lockup with an inbred, father raping redneck named Delbert.
3. Beating about the head and neck anyone who uses AOL and LIKES IT.
4. Confiscating all computer-related hardware from the morons in example # 3. (Forget their software...do I really need 14,000,000 copies of "Catz", "Dogz", et. al. ad nauseum?)
God, I love to rant.
P.S. Remind me never to visit Atlanta, for fear of getting "sacked".....
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Blackhawk
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Illegitimis non carborundum.
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[email protected]
1)Stand on the sidewalk.
2)Go into a PUBLIC park with a small group of my friends.
3)Do anything mildly objectionable, but legal, near City Hall without being arrested.
4)Walk down the street with less than $2 in my pocket.
Yes, those things are now illegal in NYC...thanks, Mayor Jackass.. https://forums.windrivers.com/
5)Let linux use the TrueType fonts from my Win partition on the same drive, without being called a "pirate" (arrgh)
6)Use professional wrestling moves on people who mispronounce computer terms they only use in a vain attempt to sound intelligent (eg: "rooter" and "r ow ter")
And the most important:
7)Tell customers what the problem REALLY is!!
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Either drop the Windows out of your computers, or drop your computers out of the windows.
BreakWindows
1)simply place my hand on a machine and say "abbra cadabra" and have the customer think its fixed.
2)club parking police
3)club the creator of norton utilities (cleansweep, crash guard/cause etc.)
4)not have to pay for gas
5)not have to pay for my upcomming wedding
[This message has been edited by Damned Angel (edited December 03, 2000).]
right on
tell moromonic customer what the problem really is
tell cheapass partner where to put it
oh, that's right, i did, no longer partner, looking at starting business over https://forums.windrivers.com/)
I just love people who don't want to pay taxes and then scream the loudest when the police/fire dept. don't respond fast enough to suit them...I used to do crisis intervention counselling with families who had teens in trouble...I've seen this attitude too many times....sorry about the soapbox but sometimes a little sanity and logic just leaks out... https://forums.windrivers.com/
A) sleeping
B) spending my money on myself
C) not having to pay bills
D) reading windrivers forums while working
E) telling my boss to shove it ... ohh wait i did that already https://forums.windrivers.com/
Choke John Howard for allocating millions of dollars to improve the roads (which basically means paying guys to go around and fill in dinner plate sized potholes in the road with asphalt) as opposed to reducing the extortionately(sp?) high fuel prices here (which most people would prefer).
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I can't get lost, everyone tells me where to go.
1. Laughing at everyone who is stupid enough to deserve it, including my boss!
2. Kicking bad customers out and telling them never come back again!
3. Parking my car wherever I want!
4. Playing NFS5-Porche Unleashed at 3:00am, turning the sound so loud that my sub would explode!
5. Sleeping for more than one day!!!
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"Matter is passive. In spite of its power, it can't be controlled without the human mind." Sokrates
My Hardware Info, Hardware Media and Computer History page
It's illegal to not have money ???Quote:
Originally posted by BreakWindows:
4)Walk down the street with less than $2 in my pocket.
Yes, those things are now illegal in NYC...thanks, Mayor Jackass.. https://forums.windrivers.com/
That's a new one!
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Why do convenience stores that are open 24/7 have locks on the doors?
1)Beat customers within an inch of their life when they irritate me, and inform them that next time, they won't be so lucky.
2) Wear a fur coat made entirely out of baby seals.
3) Be able to "modify" my 12 gauge.
4) Tell customers that there is absolutely nothing wrong with their computer, they're just too damn dumb to use it.
5) Screw the "beating within an inch of their life" thing, I just wanna empty a clip full of 9mm hollow points in their skull.
6) Kick co-workers square in the nuts for looking at me the wrong way.
7) And most of all, I want to come to work in a motorized wheelchair and scream "TIMMAY!" all day long.
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Clatu...Verata...nnnn...necktie...nectur...nickel. ...it's definately an "N" word...
1.Put big rubber bumbers all over my car so when people try to merge into my lane without looking the can hit the bumbers and go flying off the road.
2. Use the same bumbers to "nudge" people off the road that think going 25 in a 55 hitting their brakes every 10 feet because the can in the left lane is their god givin right.
3. Buy a bunch of computers for dummies, windows dummies and internet for dummies books and give them to our special customers.
4. Fix our intranet so it will stay up more then it is down then lock the server from all the bosses so they can't screw it up.
5. Hang up on rude/annoying customers.
6. telling my boss what I really think about his new ideas instead of putting it nicely.
7. Get very little sleep still have energy and not be so grumpy.
8. Be like my co-workers, show up 10-15 minutes late, take 20 smoke breaks, come back from lunch late, leave earlier and complain because your here more then anyone else and deserve a raise. (by the way anyone got some duck tape I can borrow?)
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.·°Danrak°·.
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
[This message has been edited by Danrak (edited December 04, 2000).]
1. Take away the computers from my 'speacial' users and give them etcha-sketches.
Yep...in order to be "tough on crime" like a good conservative, police may legally stop and question anyone. And if they find reason to frisk you, and discover you have less than $2 in your pocket, you get busted for vagrancy (usually a night or two in jail and a fine...which, if you have less that $2 you can't pay, so a few more nights in the clink).Quote:
Originally posted by 3fingersalute:
It's illegal to not have money ???
That's a new one!
Do people realize how BAD an idea this was?? Combine this with a curfue (which there is still talk of) and you have martial law! https://forums.windrivers.com/
Oh, one more thing to add to my list: Convince people, l don't have to buy them Christmas presents, as l'm not Christian. Really, Mom, don't be mad! No, cousins, l didn't get you anything! Sorry, babe, all l brought you is me!
Damn....l knew it wouldn't work.
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Either drop the Windows out of your computers, or drop your computers out of the windows.
BreakWindows
Techs really do have a lot of pent up rage, don't we? Almost every one of us wants to shoot, maim, or sack somebody.
Did I mention, I completely agree. Stupid users I can deal with, since it keeps us paid. Stupid bosses, now, are a completely different issue.
Also, I want to add 1 thing:
I wish we could determine our own raises.
Not bad, that gives me another one for my list. People getting paid their worth, by how skilled they are at their job. l'm a sociable person when l'm not ranting about the idiocy of the general public, and l'm a damn good tech...so l should be paid aboooout...$1million a year. But in reality, Shaquille O'Neil was getting paid $2mil a year to hit 4/10 free throws. FREE....THROWS...shouldn't you hit at least 8? l mean, isnt that your job?? Maybe if l start fixing 4/10 computers, l'll get a raise https://forums.windrivers.com/Quote:
Originally posted by Nighthand:
I wish we could determine our own raises.
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Either drop the Windows out of your computers, or drop your computers out of the windows.
BreakWindows
I read these forums frequently but rarely post a reply because of the attitudes on here. The "posts" who want to kill stupid customers are the worst. Were you born with all that knowledge or did you acquire it over your lifetime? Yeah, there are a lot of stupid computer users out there but those aren't the ones that really drive me batty. After all, I charge them them to supply solutions, answers and fixes. It's the ones with annoying personality traits that make me want to (not kill them but) charge a premium price for my services. Like the one who talks non-stop and never stops to listen to me or the one who calls me "Honey" instead of using my name. Or the one who thinks the solution to all problems is "format c:". I've tried to tell him to quit using old drivers and hunt down the newest drivers for his all hardware but he refuses to listen. He's done this about 6 times in the last month. Or the ones who want my services but gripe endlessly about having to pay for it. Thank the internet for making tons of stupid computer users. I have customers who know where everything is on the web, make lots of money on Ebay but can't copy a file to a floppy disk. Years ago, computers were made to be used, now they are just internet appliances. Maybe I should be building "net appliances" instead of computers.
1. Slap any customer who refers to their computer as "he" or "she" or gives it a name.
2. Tell customers, who want to sit and tell their tragic life stories, when you are on a service call, that they should really get an Intervention immediately, then call the hospital for them.
3.Relish the look of shock on the Reverend's wifes face, when she comes into pick up her husbands laptop, when I tell her "no he wasn't really out of space, we just deleted 2.5 gigs worth of porn from his browser cache."
4. When a customer calls with problems due to an AOL upgrade, simply say "too fu*$ing bad, you moron" and hang up.
Get off your high horse Cedar, we are here to vent against stupidity...not ignorance and the arrogance of customers and self righteous pricks.
<end rant>
[This message has been edited by NeuromancerIV (edited December 04, 2000).]
Knock out my wife and drag her to live in Tampa.
Knock out my wife and drag her to live in Tampa.
1. never answering the phone
2. keeping priority during the work day. (the colours on your display does not go to the top of the list!)
3. 2 day work weeks, with 5 day weekends!
Life would be sweet
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"What I want is what I've not got and what I need is all around me" DMB
BUY WINDRIVERS FROM INTERNET.COM AND GIVE IT TO SCOTT IN HIS HOUSE SO IT CAN BE HOSTED PROPERLY BY SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO KEEP A WEBSITE UP!!!!!!
[This message has been edited by thirdfey (edited December 04, 2000).]
author a book entitled "Computers for Absolute F#*&ing Morons" and make the customer purchase it when taking their repaired computer home. The next visit/book would be the #1 Follow Up "A Complete F#*&ing Losers Guide To Packing Up Your Computer and Sending It Back.....Without Refund"
Cedar...A voice of reason in a wilderness of anger...thanks. Are you married?
1. Hacking the accounting department's systems to get myself and my co-workers the raises we deserve.
2. Cedar's right, killing's just not right...
However a good maiming, that relieves stress and leaves you a customer to bring in future business... https://forums.windrivers.com/
3. Sit on top my office building with a paintball sniper rifle and shoot every member of our management team, plus a few techs that don't know the difference between a floppy & a cd-rom yet claim to be the best.
4. Take a 1,000 years of vacation time and still get a hefty raise every 6 months.
5. Refresh my French & German.
6. Learn Japanese, Russian, Spanish, Latin, & Greek.
7. Tour the world.
8. Buy that famous castle in Bavaria. Umm, Neushawnstein (I know that spelling is wrong, but I don't have the name right in front of me). This would be my summer home.
9. Sit behind a grassy knole outside of Microsoft with the previously mentioned paintball sniper rifle. "604K is all any.. OW!" https://forums.windrivers.com/
10. Develop the first spacecraft capable of interstellar travel and move to another planet.
11. Learn the Senior Memeber's Secret Handshake.
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You did what? I'm sorry but that's not supported.
[This message has been edited by WickedTech (edited December 04, 2000).]
walk around naked with just a beer hat showing off my large gelatinous whale harpooned scarred hairy gut for all the women to admire.
oh... and ditto on the taxes/bills thing
I would like to get away with putting decent people into political offices. I'm 48 and vote every time there is an election. I've never felt good about any candidate; I just pick the lesser of two bad choices. This year I had to choose between a probably corrupt Gore and a definitely incompetent Bush.
It has always been illegal to be broke aka "vagrancy" laws which established a $20 dollar / proof of permanent address ie - ID card else you is a vagrant and need to be locked up so'z the descent law abidin' peoples of theze great states ain't forced to step 'roun' ya on their wayz to sumtin important. (spit at this point and grab crotch in overly manly redneck posing)Quote:
Originally posted by 3fingersalute:
It's illegal to not have money ???
That's a new one!
New York law is just refreshing in peoples mind that they can enforce it.
Also - the Emergency Wars Impowerment act (hope I'm saying/spelling that right) makes stockpiling illegal (more than 2 weeks of food in your possession at any one time.) Tons of stupid laws in this country - just a matter of them being enforced.
I'd take a big rat, and drug it so it'll sleep for a 24 hours. Then stick it into an annoying customer's computer.
One of two things will happen:
1) They'll ignore it and have a stink-fest in a week.
2) They'll call me about the strange noises and I'll tell them to remove the cover and check a fan (only to meet a pissed-off, starving rat).
Either way I'd spend the rest of the week with an evil grin on my face.
Why does BS_Tech_Supp want to drag wife to Tampa, I spent 2 years there and it sucked ***. Good IT job only paid $25K to $35K a year. ??????????????
I was arrested for having $1.00 in NYC without any credit cards. I spent 2 hours in jail, no further time but ruined my day.
Ok, it's been said in many different ways, but I'd just like to sit at the front counter and interview people who bring in their PC's.. I'd get a brief analysis of their mental capacity, what their problem is, and whether it's their fault or not. After that, when I discover it is a user error, I'd like to slap 'em on the back of the head and say "WTF were you thinking," and promptly seize their PC. If I'm feeling nice, I'll whip out the ruler and whack 'em on the knuckles a few times, and maybe, just maybe give them their PC back and charge them $200/hr for therapy.
--So Says Polychronopolis..
*whew* Good thing they kept this ultra dangerous criminal off the streets, and it only cost taxpayers a few hundred, maybe thousand dollars and wasted the time of police officers who likely drove past muggings or rapes in the buildings surrounding where they picked you up.Quote:
Originally posted by DOS Tech:
I was arrested for having $1.00 in NYC without any credit cards. I spent 2 hours in jail, no further time but ruined my day.
These laws are only in place so they can violate other rights without being unconstitutional (eg: arresting peaceful protesters as "vagrants", or because they "gathered in public without a lisence"). Eek, get rid of the dumb laws, and use the leftover taxmoney for social reform, so we won't HAVE so many vagrants!
ahh, and one more thing for my list, just to keep this on-topic:
[*]make laws and propositions, without them being rejected. The damn gov't doesn't seem to like passing legislation that takes power away from them.....go figure.
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Either drop the Windows out of your computers, or drop your computers out of the windows.
BreakWindows
Send all Calif cops to New Orleans Mardi Gras to learn how to control more than three people without clubing the hell out of everyone. Hasnt happened to me but I have observerd it numerous times.
Take all computers from the wealthy and give to people really in need that have the IQ to use them. We have a number of very wealthy people who snivel and bitch about the cost of everything and yet the working stiff never complains about our charges.
Force all of Citizens Phone Companies to vacate Calif and go back to NY. They have the lousiest equipment, Terrible customer relations and wont do anything to remedy the situation. $1.00 to call across the river that I can throw a rock across.
Standardize all printer carts......We have over 100 carts in stock and never seem to have the right one.
Outlaw AOL, Anything Norton, Bonzi Buddy, Gater, Dogz, Catz and all free downloads other than driver and productivity programs
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If life is a bitch then what is death? I believe I will take the bitch!
Semi Battery, Jumper cables and the right to dispose of any 486, pentium 100, etc. It's only proper. I still have people bringing those in, and wondering how they can 'make the internet faster'
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.. and evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.
Quote:
Originally posted by Dogmeat:
Semi Battery, Jumper cables and the right to dispose of any 486, pentium 100, etc. It's only proper. I still have people bringing those in, and wondering how they can 'make the internet faster'
Heyyy l have a Pentium 100, and it works quite well (since my OS and every piece of software was hand compiled for that specific machine https://forums.windrivers.com/). But l do agree, people running Windows98 on 5-10 year old computers really shouldn't expect you to wave your magic wand and turn it into a PIII overnight. lf that were possible, Intel's stock would be traded OTC, and the Magical Tooth Fairy Inc. would be millionaires.
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Either drop the Windows out of your computers, or drop your computers out of the windows.
BreakWindows
DOS Tech,Quote:
Originally posted by DOS Tech:
Why does BS_Tech_Supp want to drag wife to Tampa, I spent 2 years there and it sucked ***. Good IT job only paid $25K to $35K a year. ??????????????
I can sell my little house on Cape Cod for
299K and buy a mansion in Tampa. My wife works for the government so 25K is OK. Besides no SNOW and Piña Coladas by the pool https://forums.windrivers.com/