Dumb Assed Question

What was your dumbest question you got today? I usually have a personal contest with the customers to see who has the stupidest question.
The one I got today was from a guy who couldn't turn his laptop on (I held the power down for 4 seconds, turned it off properly, then powered it back up). Upon seeing the startup menu where at the bottom it says, "Windows detected an improper startup. Choose Safe Mode for diagnostics" (or something along those lines).
First, the customer asked, "Can you take off Safe Mode?"
I just blinked at him, and choose "Normal".
"What is Normal?" he asked.
Hmm...dare I get into a philosophical debate? Should I choose the Zen philosophy, the Buddist philosophy, or the Christian philosophy? How could one possible answer what normal is. Who judges what is normal and what is not? Perhaps the average of what the masses consist of is normal? If you took a thousand people, and six hundred had blue eyes, then blue eyes would be normal. Though, you could then take a thousand people from Pakistan and nine hundred of them would have brown eyes. If one person honestly believes in aliens, yet the majority of people have not seen these aliens does that make that person not normal?
You get the picture.
So, I just replied, "Um...that's NORMAL mode... As opposed to SAFE mode... If Windows works, it goes into NORMAL mode. If it doesn't work, it goes into SAFE mode."

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***the Beast
- Fate drove me here...then told me to get out of the car...

i got told windows was broken cause it shut down wrong .. and they demanded another computer on monday .. and made a big scene on it .. it was all i could do to keep from laughing

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1,2,3,4,5,6,7 all good children go to heaven

LOL! I groan everytime I hear the words, "I don't know anything about computers..."
My wife works at a fabric store, and she gets all sorts of people say to her, "I don't know anything about sewing...but, how much fabric do I need to make a curtain?"

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***the Beast
- Fate drove me here...then told me to get out of the car...

The stupidest question of the day has to have been: Why did my mouse break when I slammed it down?

Ahhhhh.... I couldn't answer it. It was my boss who asked me and I would have gotten in serious trouble if I would have told her that the reason it broke when she slammed it was because her hand weighs about 50lbs and it couldn't take it.

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You make me com...
You make me complete...
You make me completely miserable.
--Lit, Miserable.


[This message has been edited by underfunded (edited January 17, 2001).]

I'd rather have someone ask a "dumb" question than make an uninformed decision.

The dumbest question I had today was "Which is better, DOS or Windows?"

i got told windows was broken cause it shut down wrong .. and they demanded another computer on monday .. and made a big scene on it .. it was all i could do to keep from laughing,

get them another computer, BUT CHARGE THE CRAP OUT OF THEM! https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/

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Don't **** with me, I'm running LINUX!

The funniest was this phone call I received:

Customer> Yeah I brought my computer home and it won't turn on

Me> Uhh, it's plugged in, right? It was working here perfectly.

Customer> Of course it's plugged in, i'm not stupid, so what do you think it is.

Me> Okay, there's a switch at the back of the power supply, where the fan is, flick it and then push the button on the front to see if it turns on.

Customer> Uhh, there's a button at the front?



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PCCHIPS, the way of the future.

My stupidest question today was from one of the guys in my department.

He said,"Do you have the driver for this FLOPPY DRIVE?"

I busted out laughing!

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Hey? Why is my computer promting me if I would like to accept a cookie? Is it Oatmeal or Chocolate Chip?

[This message has been edited by Imagenatas (edited January 17, 2001).]

"I have to update my virus patterns?" https://forums.windrivers.com/

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You spend your whole life believing that you're on the right track,
only to discover that you're on the wrong train.

User asking about the used COMPUTER I sold him: "Where does the paper come out?" I told him it was only a computer, and it does not print. "So you mean to tell me, I have a computer that can not print anything?" I told him he would need a printer. The computer tells the printer what to print, then the printer does it.

The rest of the conversation was equally amusing, but you get the idea. I had just told this person the previous day to go to the book store and get a Windows tutorial. Obviously, he had not made it to the store yet.

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"Tell me, and I'll forget. Show me, and I'll remember. Involve me, and I'll learn." -- Marla Jones

"Oh, do you mean I shouldn't have done that?"

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"I did my best, God knows I tried - I feel like I've been crucified." - Steven Tyler

“ I did not know that I was not supposed to delete those files!”

To top it off, this is a Help Desk person!!!!!!!

[This message has been edited by xtac (edited January 18, 2001).]

hey Beast is it just me or haven't you been posting as much lately?

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https://forums.windrivers.com/ Microsoft https://forums.windrivers.com/

My worst memorie is when I was gonna fix a couple a things on the network cause a employee couldnt logg on.
And when I started to fix things up I noticed that my administrator account wasnt a administrator account any longer.
I then called to my boss, and he said:
"What do you need to be a administrator"
Shesh, and hes my boss!

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-=Rune of the North=-
"Lallo of the New World"

I just had a guy walk in here and say "I just broke my dongle!" Almost shot Dr. Pepper out of my nose. He was referring to his network cable adapter. I told him he should see a doctor.

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"You gonna pull those pistols, or whistle dixie ?"

Quote:

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<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by CREEPINGDEATH:
hey Beast is it just me or haven't you been posting as much lately?

</font>

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Nah, I've been pretty busy with dumb assed questions. Lol.

This could go in the Friends/Customers thread as well.

My brother in law phoned me to ask where he can buy a ball for his mouse. He'd given it to the cat to play with and it had lost it.

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If you pay peanuts, you get Monkeys

"How do you make capital letters on a keyboard?"

No word of a lie!

Runner - up:

Customer: "You sell monitors?"
Me: "Yes."
Customer: "What background colors do they come with?"

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There's an exception to every rule, except this one.

had a doctor come in with a virus on his puter. he had bought it from us and when I asked when the last time he had updated his virus pattern files, after explaining what they were and why you need to update them he proceeded to ask me why I had not e-mailed him and told him to update the pattern files. I asked him if I had his e-mail address and he said no. so I said well that is why i didn't tell you to do it, it's not my responsibility. the great part is that the boss was standing next to me the whole time and had the same expression on his face as me. https://forums.windrivers.com/ we ended up charging him for the update the virus removal and some other stuff. I am tempted to call thi sjerk at home on sunday at 3AM and tell nim that this is his virus update courtesy call.
/SLK

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It's a Jeep thing you wouldn't understand.

Been doing this techie/sales thing for some time now, had all the usual dumb questions, the BESTEST of all time had to come from the owner. Cust brings in laptop drenched with a half cup of black coffee, boss tells us to immerse it in distilled water to get the cofee out. Then proceeds himself to take out the battery so we dont get electrocuted.

I almost pissed me pants! https://forums.windrivers.com/

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"If putting people through tables is wrong... Than I don't Want to be right!"

Ok, I JUST got the most dumb assed question for today...and it's not even noon!
The customer said, "Hi, I have Lotus 1-2-3. How much is 4?"
https://forums.windrivers.com/

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***the Beast
- I only came for the platypus soup

I had a customer ask how would he know his ups was working...he wanted to know if it would beep or sumthing i told him that i dont know if that perticular model would beep but if all tha lights in tha house were off and his puter was still on than tha ups is probaly working. there was a customer behide him that just started to crake up, the guy got mad and ran out the store, i was starting to cry, my sides were hurting, and i told all the customers i had to take a break,

Quote:

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<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Jallentino:
I just had a guy walk in here and say "I just broke my dongle!" Almost shot Dr. Pepper out of my nose. He was referring to his network cable adapter. I told him he should see a doctor.

</font>

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That's hilarious.. I love the way some people word things...


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https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/ https://forums.windrivers.com/

It's a dog eat dog world out there and I'm wearing milk bone underwear.

id10t> I think I got a virus!
me> What makes you think that?
id10t> Well I got this email from xxxccc and it had a vbs file attached to it and I clicked on it.

AFTER WE SENT OUT EMAIL'S DETAILING THAT THESE EMAILS CONTAIN A VIRUS DO NOT OPEN THEM!!!! Thank GOD for Norton Anti-Virus.

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Death is lighter than a feather - duty heavier than a mountian.

Had a manager one time that was working on his own box during store hours.

This was really pissing me off because while he is setting up his Voodoo 2 (this was a while back) parts aren't being ordered, special orders not being processed, customer messages are piling up, etc.

He installs his Voodoo card and proceeds to tweak out and work further on his system. Wanted to download something off the web so he plugs in a phone line. Few minutes later I look over and he looks frustrated and is almost about to pull his hair out.

Just to be an ***, I asked what was wrong.

He tells me that for some reason now his modem wasn't working. He keeps getting "no dial tone" when he just used the modem last night!

So being the nice guy that I am I looked at the back of the PC...pause to contemplate the situation (I was laughing on the inside and could barely contain it)...I pop up pretend to be flustered and when I am on the other side of the room, I ask him...

"Scott, what does TELCO mean?"

If you don't get this let me know.

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"then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, is just a freight train coming your way..."

Yesterday I got seven emails from my Mother, who almost never emails me. The first six were the Anna K. VBS worm, which I summarily deleted without opening. The seventh was actually from my mother, and read like this:

"Someone sent me a picture of Anna Kournikova, and for some reason it won't open when I double-click it."

Now, I'm a bible-fearing Christian, and I'm worried about the "Honor your father and mother" commandment. Do I go straight to hell for calling her a f***ing moron to her face?

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R. Bret Walker, CNE
(I'm not a Master Tech, but I play one on TV)

Wondering what videos to rent this weekend? Check out The People's Reviews, movie reviews written for the people and by the people.

Actually, I just remembered a time last summer when a customer called me out to her site because "an application won't work." When I got there she showed me this icon on her desktop and started clicking on it like mad, saying "See, it doesn't do anything."

The Icon said "Happy99." Thank God for customers like this.

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R. Bret Walker, CNE
(I'm not a Master Tech, but I play one on TV)

Wondering what videos to rent this weekend? Check out The People's Reviews, movie reviews written for the people and by the people.

Quote:

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<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by pcshark:
Yesterday I got seven emails from my Mother, who almost never emails me. The first six were the Anna K. VBS worm, which I summarily deleted without opening. The seventh was actually from my mother, and read like this:

"Someone sent me a picture of Anna Kournikova, and for some reason it won't open when I double-click it."

Now, I'm a bible-fearing Christian, and I'm worried about the "Honor your father and mother" commandment. Do I go straight to hell for calling her a f***ing moron to her face?

</font>

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Does the Anne K virus piggy back on other incoming mail?

I'm happy to say I've NEVER been infected by a virus because no one else ever uses my computer.


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What Me Worry?

Quote:

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<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by CREEPINGDEATH:
Does the Anne K virus piggy back on other incoming mail?

I'm happy to say I've NEVER been infected by a virus because no one else ever uses my computer.


</font>

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From what I understand, it works like the Happy99 virus. It alters the Winsock32 file, and sends itself out to everyone in your address book.
Now, the scary thing is is that it says that it's "sexy pictures" of Anna K. Why was your mom, pcshark, wanting to look at sexy pics of Anna K? https://forums.windrivers.com/

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***the Beast
- I only came for the platypus soup

how about these

where is the space key?

and

writing the "dot" in internet addresses

wwwdotwindriversdotcom

Gees you have to love them, but always remember that you once were like them......along long time ago mind you, but you were.

This is my favorite problem of all time.

Had a user call and say that their computer was not working. Went to their office and turned it on. Problem Solved.

Other than that there is someone that demands a new pc. The only problem with it is our purchases just get laughed at and denied. Soon I think they will get the hint that pentuim 75 are not "new" technology

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Why say no, when it feels sooo good to say yes?........

Dumbest this week !
Well I just want to know how come my sisters has that nice windows thing on her screen and I can't find it on mine? "Windows thing?" Yes that pretty beach picture with her little dodads on it! "Okay sound's like a Win/me desktop. What O/S are you running?"
O/S? "Operating System" Are you ready for this one ? oh is an I-Mac By Apple Why ?
She really got pissed I couldn't stop laughing !

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If all else fails read the directions !

My wife had one come in to buy a new monitor.
The person called back later pissed as h#@*, because the new monitor did'nt have Windows 98, like the one she looked at in the store!

Clueless!!! https://forums.windrivers.com/

Was workin at a shop, and a mate answers the phone: "G'day, I think my mouse is dead. How much is new memory for it?" "Pardon", our end of the line says. "I need some new mouse memory, how much?" from the guy.

Another one. These guys come in and wonder why they aren't getting CD-Audio. We pop the lid, and the idiots had hooked up the 3 1/2" power thing onto the CD-Audio input of the sound card. Duh!!!!

Another guy, "Look, my brand new keyboard doesn't work properly!" We asked him if it was the right connection and stuff, and finally find out he wants to return it cause his fingers were fat and the keys were small, and he kept on punching more than one button at a time!!! And he had just brought the brand new keyboard from the shop, and expected to return it cause he was fat!!!

Yet another idiot:
"Have you guys got ISA to PCI adaptors??" Lucky the phone had a mute button!!

Had a guy come in yesterday to tell me his printer wasn't working. There was a connection error that came up on the screen.

He says picks up a serial male to female convertor and says he wants to connect his parallel printer to this because he thinks his parallel port is faulty.

I go through the usual routine of not being rude and telling him it won't work.

He thinks I am wrong because he KNOWS about computers and he is RIGHT!!

Before he leaves he asks if he can bring it back if it doesn't work and I say no, not unless the convertor is faulty. So he walk off and comes back a few hours later, looking for his money back beacuse his serial port doesn't work with his parallel printer.

I refused to give this ******* his money back and he bought a printer cable instead, one of the things I had suggested in the first place.

Customers like that are just a complete waste of time and effort.

I feel like we are better off to ignore them and them be in ignorant bliss.

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It's not rocket science, it's just a computer.

Quote:

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<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by jezza:
"Have you guys got ISA to PCI adaptors??" Lucky the phone had a mute button!!</font>

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LOL Man that is priceless! Now I remember why I keep coming back to this site. heehehe

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sHIFT hAPPENS

Quote:

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<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by theBeast:
Now, the scary thing is is that it says that it's "sexy pictures" of Anna K. Why was your mom, pcshark, wanting to look at sexy pics of Anna K? [IMG]http://forums.windrivers.com/cgi-bin/forum/smilies/cwm1.gif
</font>

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No joke, I got a whole pile of those AnnaK email viruses from church staff from the church I attend and the whole thing was started by a pastor... I'm pretty sure their Outlook installs are set to auto-open attachments. [/IMG]http://forums.windrivers.com/cgi-bin/forum/smilies/cwm1.gif[/IMG]

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sHIFT hAPPENS[IMG]

[This message has been edited by MacGyver (edited February 18, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by MacGyver (edited February 18, 2001).]

Quote:

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<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by jezza:
Yet another idiot:
"Have you guys got ISA to PCI adaptors??" Lucky the phone had a mute button!!</font>

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OMG...this happened to me just last week...the hysterical part is it was asked of me by a guy that was very proud to follow up that comment with the line...I've just opened my own computer repair place. HUH??

This was in person and I about didn't succeed in keeping a straight face.



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Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit, and
the recipient who doesn't get it.

My favorite from working on the helpdesk still has to be "Is the server down?" Which we all know, that in user terms, really means "I forgot my password."
https://forums.windrivers.com/

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If it doesn't fit, force it...If it breaks, fix it with duct tape.

My new favorite is................

"What is my password?"

How the ffff am I supposed to know, have you tried "dumbass"?

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"You gonna pull those pistols, or whistle dixie ?"