Cows

Feudalism
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Real World Communism
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Perestroika
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.

Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Militarianism
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

British Democracy
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Pure Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Capitalism
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Enviromentalism
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Sorry for the long post, but I thought it was worth it :D

I like it, but the giraffes kick me when I play the harmonica...

Well worth the read..someone had a lot of spare time on their hands :D

Tech Department:
You have TUCOWS. Your boss thinks it is an animal porn site and bitches you out.

Windrivers "Democracy":

Scott lets us all use his two cows for free. Some people get mad at him for it.

Internet.com democratic capitalism:

After 30000 techs worlwide are addicted to milk,
They buy the cows from Scott real cheap,
and after a while, TELL everyone they have
to pay for 1 year supply of milk,
regardless of the quantity one uses or contribute to feeding the cows.
:eek:

A few more:

SCA Monarchy:
A huge battle is held to determine who owns the cows. Then the winner shares them with everybody else anyways.

Canadian Democracy:
You have enough money to own two cows, but the government requires you to trade one in for a moose.

Minnesota Democracy:
You have two cows. The government puts you in a headlock and bodyslams you until you pay taxes on your cows.

Wisconsin Democracy:
The cows have you.

Dotcom Capitalism:
You have no cows, but convince several other farmers to loan you theirs; you kill and eat them all, then blame the farmers for being stupid investors.

Wall Street Capitalism:
You trade three cows for two cows and a mystery animal, which might be a bull or a bear. You hope its the right one.

Microsoft Capitalism:
You have two cows. You have to trade them both away in order to afford the only cattle feed on the market.

I like this... this is fun! :D

Windrivers Political Correctiveness:

(Edited by Sowulo - Sheriff Q or any other mod because its not right)

IT totalarianism:
Management hires an IT guy to put up a firewall around your TuCows, then asks why it isn't working. Then, if you don't get it working, they fire you for incompotence. If you do get it working, they fire you for hacking.

<marquee><h1>All your cows are belonging to us</h1></marquee>

[quote]Originally posted by Draggar:
<strong>Windrivers Political Correctiveness:

(Edited by Sowulo - Sheriff Q or any other mod because its not right)
</strong><hr></blockquote>

:eek:
Someone is REALLY keeping a eye on the cows !
(>3 min to post, intercept, edit and repost)
:eek:

Mexican Capitalism:
You have one cow. It keeps trying to escape over the electrified fence into the American farmer's yard.

Ferengi Capitalism:
You have 20,002 cows. You obey the "Rules of Cattle Acquisition" religiously.

Pyramid Capitalism:
You have one cow, and you give it to a stranger who instructs you on how to get strangers to give you their one cow instead. You starve to death after losing your milk supply.

Las Vegas Capitalism:
You had two cows a week ago, and now you just need to borrow two more for a couple of days to win them back so you can pay Vinnie off the three cows and a chicken you owe him...

NASA Program:
You have two cows. They jump over the moon. Hey diddle diddle.

The Big Crash:
You have fifty cows. They stampede.

AOL Capitalism:
You have two cows. A stranger convinces you that in order to milk them, you must brand them, get their ears pierced, and put blinders on them so that they can't see other cows. You pay the stranger twice as much as it would cost you to pay anybody else to milk your cows.

Microsoft Capitalism, revisited:
You have two cows. They have been injected by bovine growth hormone and can no longer mate with any other cattle. They are fast and powerful, but when running around the field, tend to crash.

Maine cows:
You have to make sure they're related to be bull before you mate them.

New Jersey Cows:
You have to leave them on the highway because there is no other room for them.

Philadelphia Cows:
Ever have a real Philly CHeese-Steak? ;)

New Hampshire cows:
You have two cows. When you try to milk them, they both say 'Leave Me alone'. You go to Massachusetts to buy your milk.

Massachusetts cows:
You had two cows. They moved to New Hampshire.

Canadian Cows:
You have two cows. They think they're horses.

Florida Cows:
You have two cows. Both are too old to produce milk. You have to import your milk, or bring in other, younger cows, through university programs.

Texas Cows:
Man, thats a big steak!

Japanese cows:
You have two cows. The corperations have 'improved' them by making their milk come out faster, easier, and tastier than the American cows. They export all but a few of them to the US. Leaving the few, extremely overpriced few left in the country for their people to buy.

Apple cows:
Inexpensive, very user friendly cows. Top of the line, the best milk ever. Gives milk whenever you need it. Only will eat 1% of the grain thats out there, and its hard to find and overpriced.

AOL Cows:
You have 2 cows. AOL buys them. Then, they buy everyone else's cows. Then they overcharge you for a little milk.

Islamic Fundamentalism:
You have two pigs.

Afghanistan Fundamentalism:
Your pigs are flying, now.

Jewish Fundamentalism:
You have two cows. They don't get along with the Islamic Fundamentalist's pigs.

Survivalist Collectivism:
You have three cows, kept in a bomb shelter. Anybody who approaches you is a cattle rustler.

Open-Source Sharing:
You have two cows. Anybody can come and milk them, and you will instruct them on how to do it free of charge.

Peer-To-Peer Sharing:
You and a horde of other people move onto a large ranch, and share all of the cattle there illegally. The owner of the ranch throws a tantrum, but everybody thinks he is a complete a$$hole, so you all agree to pretend he isn't there.

Prostitution:
You have two cows. The bulls pay you to visit.

NBA Capitalism:
You have a huge, empty ranch. You pay the Bulls to visit.

Hollywood Capitalism:
You have two cows. People pay you a huge amount of money to watch you blow them up.

Western Conservativism:
You have two cows. You hire someone to milk them for you while you go out and milk someone else's cow to try and make enough money to buy a third.

Western Liberalism:
You have a cow. On a regular basis.

~

IBM Cows: "Do you think you really want a cow?"

Dell Cows: "Dude, you're getting a Cow."

Gateway Cows: Look EXTREMELY realistic, but just aren't the real thing.

eCows: Very cheap cows, but occasionally explode for no reason.

PC-CowChips: The name says it all. :D

Intel Cows: Where do you want to milk today?

Afghanistan Fundamentalism:
You have two cow, amd a wife, your wife is required to take care of the cows but no one can see her do it, in fact the cows are of a hire social standing than your wife and it is a crime to hit a cow but beet the women all you want.

Walmartism:
I have two cows, and you have two identical cows. People will buy my milk because they can also fill their subscriptions in the same location.

Ralph Laurenism:
Your cow looks like my cow, but people will pay 10x more for my milk because I put a little horse emblem on the carton.

Coach Capitalism:
I killed and skinned two cows for the milk itself is worthless to me. I can, however, make wonderful pocketbooks and leather products that last forever and make me much more money.

Elbatchoism
I have three cans of spam and a picture of joan rivers, I will convice the world you can get milk from spam and mean while plot to rid the world of joan

[quote]Originally posted by Danger:
<strong> ...
Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. ...
:D </strong><hr></blockquote>

LOL :D Ahh yes The persistence of milk. I find the dialectic of the auto-sodomizing yak to be indicative of the Spanish-American war as well.
:confused: :)

[quote]Originally posted by Draggar:
<strong><marquee><h1>All your cows are belonging to us</h1></marquee></strong><hr></blockquote>

ROFLAO

:D :D :D :D

Cows! Everywhere I go Cows!!! My girlfriend has about 75 of them. I volunteer to go out and feed them once in awhile for the exercise. Yesterday, I go out to discover a fresh shipment of hay. 150lb bails instead of the usual 85lb'ers! Needless to say, 80 bales later and a few pounds lighter....6 tons of hay hand stacked into the feeding troughs....I FEEL GREAT!!!! A little exercise works wonders for a bod that just sits in front of computer screens all day....

Had to bring it back for this one:

Enron
You have two cows.
You borrow 80% of the forward value of the two cows from
your bank, then buy another cow with 5% down and the rest
financed by the seller on a note callable if your market cap
goes below $20B at a rate 2 times prime. You now sell three
cows to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at a 2nd bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
so that you get four cows back, with a tax exemption for
five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via
an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by
the majority shareholder who sells the rights to seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report says the
company owns eight cows, with an option on one more and this
transaction process is upheld by your independent auditor
and no Balance Sheet provided with the press release that
announces that Enron as a major owner of cows will begin
trading cows via the Internet site COW (cows on web). I am
sure you now fully understand what happen.

British Political Correctness
Your a farmer and have two cows and a bull.
One cow must be white and one black,the bull gay.

Mole Cows:

You have one cow that is the master and one cow that rarely posts in the tech lounge...

[quote]Originally posted by Ben:
<strong>Mole Cows:

You have one cow that is the master and one cow that rarely posts in the tech lounge...</strong><hr></blockquote>

I think the second cow is actually a chicken. :D :D :D

Apple Cows Revisited:
You have 2 ergenomically designed cows. They may be shorter, and slower runners than the other cows, but damn they sure do look sexy. They have firewire genitals to mate 100times faster than normal universal serial genitals.

Japanese Cows Revisited:
You have 2 cows. They are both built light, cheap, and have good running ability. You make more, and sell them to America, successfully injuring their cow market. American kids take their cows and add supermilkers and turbos. Some add NOS to force feed milk. These little RiceCows kick American Super Cows asses in quarter mile pasture runs.

[quote]Originally posted by gxavier:
<strong>Japanese Cows Revisited:
You have 2 cows. They are both built light, cheap, and have good running ability. You make more, and sell them to America, successfully injuring their cow market. American kids take their cows and add supermilkers and turbos. Some add NOS to force feed milk. These little RiceCows kick American Super Cows asses in quarter mile pasture runs.</strong><hr></blockquote>

LMAO :D :rolleyes:

ROFLMAO!!!

Very funny.

[quote]Originally posted by ElBatcho:
<strong>Elbatchoism
I have three cans of spam and a picture of joan rivers, I will convice the world you can get milk from spam and mean while plot to rid the world of joan</strong><hr></blockquote>

And here i though you where going to milk Joan Rivers and then marry the cows.. :D

[quote]Originally posted by gxavier:
<strong>Japanese Cows Revisited:
You have 2 cows. They are both built light, cheap, and have good running ability. You make more, and sell them to America, successfully injuring their cow market. American kids take their cows and add supermilkers and turbos. Some add NOS to force feed milk. These little RiceCows kick American Super Cows asses in quarter mile pasture runs.</strong><hr></blockquote>


Ooh Kamikaze Cows :eek: :eek: :eek:

Cows are great you can pat them and ride them and milk them and eat them. Their poo is great for growing things, they have big soft moo cow brown eyes, they make fantastic cheap lawn mowers, you can use their horns for drinking cups or sculpture decorations and if you live in Pamplona once a year you get to act like a complete suicidal idiot and get chased by the big mean boy cows. 101 reasons why cows are great.....
and they make a mean seat cover or floor rug too........... ;) ;)