Wanting a woman that's already tied...

This is killing me more then I know...

A woman that started working for my company about 5 months ago is "my type". I can see it in her eyes. I know things would be great if we hooked up. I just know it.

"Houston: We have a problem!"

Yep, she's already got a man. We've been out to lunch together off and on over the last few months. We have allot in common and just sorta "click". Her and I can be in a crowd of co-workers and separate are selves from everyone else’s conversation and be in our own little world. She always wants to be included in whatever I'm doing. In meetings we always sit side-by-side, we always go to breakfast together in the morning...stuff like that.

I don't want to screw anything up with her by asking her to dinner or out for a drink. But I want to ask. How do I not screw things up? I have no clue if she is interested in me. A few pals at work are always referring to us as b/f & g/f.

I really want to respect that she has a b/f but what if I'm making a huge mistake by not asking her out? :confused:

Shed some light please.

Ugh, been there, done that.

If it was me, I would definately ask her to a few drinks, or just some small social event. Friends can go out too, cant they?

Talk to her, let her know, honestly, how you feel, at least that way, you can both be honest with each other from here on in.

Hope it all works out for you man.

Wow,.. tough situation. Is she married? If so, I'd say forget it. But maybe she's not feeling all that serious about her BF. Maybe she's developing more and more of an interest in you. But yeah, I think EC hit the nail on the head. Just be her friend and see where things go.

A) In the U.S. we have these little workplace laws concerning sexual harrassment. While things may be cool right now and they may well get even better in the near future, should anything go wrong, by dating someone from work your are laying yourself wide open for trouble.

B) If she's not married to the guy there is no reason you can't ask her out but since she's let you know she already has a boyfriend, beware point A....

C) If your position with this employer isn't real important to you, she might well be worth the risk (see points A & B)

Sowulo has a point here!!!!

been there done that, and got 4 t-shirts..... long stories, aint gonna bore you....

Good Luck and hope it works for you Opiate.

I have got the same sort of situation. I'm really good mates with a girl I've known for nearly 7 years now. We go to the cinema together, go out drinking, she frequently comes round to my place for coffee and a chat. In fact last week we both went away shoppping together and had such a good laugh we decided to book into a hotel together and spent the night out in the city.

Ever since we 1st met we got on really well and I can quite honestly say she is now the best mate I have got. I can talk to her about things I would never tell my other mates or even family members. To say that were close is a understatement.

The big problem here is she has a boyfriend. He doesnt really like me being this close to his girl. He has said to her to make a choice between my friendship and him. She has known this guy for 1 year now and I know he really likes her, but I dont think he likes the idea of having me as her friend. Theres nothing really going on between us apart from the fact we both know each other inside and out.

I just hope this guy sees sense and keeps seeing her as she is a really nice girl. Myself and my mate are happy the way we are and will stay friends for a long time yet.

I hope you get OK in your situation. Keep us updated on what happens

Cheers
Papa"Stuck in the middle"Smurf

Totally agree with Sowulo..

Also what if she does leave her husband for you .. Whats to say she doesnt do it to you to.
Marriage is a scared union of two people.
It should be respected by others. It means phsically and mentally it is off limits.
There are SOOOOOooo many women in the world.
Its best to keep throwing out the ole hook and look for another that is not already on a line for life. But going for some one that is already married is not a good idea at all.
Whos to say her husband is not the type to go crazy on a man that might hit on his wife or try to take her away. If you think your feelings are strong for her. So was this man who asked her to marry him because he loves her. Keep it as friends and maybe she can help you find some one .

And if shes not married. Well thats a another story. I would play it as a angle as in like asking her if she has any friends that would be intrested. Say something like your nice but your taken and we work together. So maybe you might drop the hint like that and also spark her intrest.
Hope it works out.

I'm with Sowulo.

Whether they are in a relationship or not, messing around with someone you work with is NOT a good idea.

I gotta throw my 2c in in favour of pursuing the girl. I don't think it's a wise move but I don't believe in always making wise moves. Two of the best relationships I have ever had involved women who were already "with" someone else -- in one of those cases the guy was a bastard and I felt proud, not guilty to have removed her from him -- the second case was a bit more complex and I won't go into it. And I will admit I have been stung in reverse, had a g/f leave me for another man, and once had a woman "steal" me from another woman who I really should have stayed with. (The things we do when we are young and stupid.)

But you must make a decision, above all else. S*** or get off the pot. Sitting around mooning over her will accomplish nothing and earn neither her respect nor your own self-respect. Either take a deep breath, make as cool an approach as you can, and see what the dice roll yields, or resign yourself to the fact that you will only be friends, and enjoy that much.

Here's wishing you good luck either way. :cool:

My tuppence worth (considering I'm British),

If she's not married, why not ask her out for a drink? There needn't be anything in it if it doesn't pan out. If she is married then take it easy. If she wants to make a move, let it be her choice, don't be responisble for splitting up a marriage for gods sake.

My problem is a little different. I've been with the girl I'm with for nearly 6 years, and while I was at Uni I met a girl who I get on with really well. During our Freshman year we were really close because we just clicked with each other. There's nothing going on between us but my g/f is seriously jealous. We avoid going into town at night on the offchance that my uni friends are out on the town too (ergo my friend will be with them). She is convinced that my mate is trying to steal me - I have often been told that I wouldn't know flirting if it came up and bit my ar$3.

Anyone got any idea how I can keep my friend and not loose my girl?

CD :(

She is not married. I would never...

[quote]Originally posted by Sowulo:
<strong>A) In the U.S. we have these little workplace laws concerning sexual harrassment. While things may be cool right now and they may well get even better in the near future, should anything go wrong, by dating someone from work your are laying yourself wide open for trouble.
</strong><hr></blockquote>

I'm positive that we are close enough that I could ask her out and regardless of the outcome she would not consider it as sexual harassment. She is a respectable grown person who has nothing to gain by pulling some bull**** sexual harassment charges.

This whole sexual harassment thing is crap. I would never sexually harass any female, therefore I will not worry about it.

But it is something to think about, i guess.

CodeDragon, I have the same problem, I have lost 3 or 4 really good female friends (just friends) because my wife was afraid they were a threat to her. I am starting to get more than a little annoyed with it. :mad: Anyone with advice on how to handle this, I'll be listening in as well...

Okay, for a female point of view here . . . I say go for it Opiate and I'll tell you why. There are very few times in a persons life when they feel that connection the way you are describing it. It is very rare, and you would be doing yourself a disservice by not chasing it. The trick is seperating her from her boyfriend. That will be difficult. If he is jealous that makes it that much easier as she will seek an escape from all the judging and suspision and end up where? You guessed it, by you. The difficulty by which you can extract your girl from the clutches of her boyfriend will vary proportionately with the length of her current relationship divided by the distance between domiciles (0.00001 if they live together) raised to the number of children they have (raise by one if no children).
A couple gotchyas, make sure that you guys are on the same emotional page. You will be investing a lot of yourself in this manoeuver, so the more you know the better. Make sure that you can take the boyfriend out if it come to that. Nothing will make you lose respect in the eyes of your woman like a being on the receiving end of a good #ss-beating at the hands of her Ex. Avoid that if possible, it is embarrassing and painful. Good Luck.

[quote]Originally posted by opiate:
<strong>This is killing me more then I know...

A woman that started working for my company about 5 months ago is "my type". I can see it in her eyes. I know things would be great if we hooked up. I just know it.

"Houston: We have a problem!"

Yep, she's already got a man. We've been out to lunch together off and on over the last few months. We have allot in common and just sorta "click". Her and I can be in a crowd of co-workers and separate are selves from everyone else’s conversation and be in our own little world. She always wants to be included in whatever I'm doing. In meetings we always sit side-by-side, we always go to breakfast together in the morning...stuff like that.

I don't want to screw anything up with her by asking her to dinner or out for a drink. But I want to ask. How do I not screw things up? I have no clue if she is interested in me. A few pals at work are always referring to us as b/f & g/f.

I really want to respect that she has a b/f but what if I'm making a huge mistake by not asking her out? :confused:

Shed some light please.</strong><hr></blockquote>


I would leave it alone,it's not fair to her man,and it's messing with fire overall.
thats my opinion.
maybe she is not looking for anything ,maybe she is just friendly,and she loves her man.
either way,,be very careful.

[quote]Originally posted by opiate:
<strong>

A) I'm positive that we are close enough that I could ask her out and regardless of the outcome she would not consider it as sexual harassment. She is a respectable grown person who has nothing to gain by pulling some bull**** sexual harassment charges.

B) This whole sexual harassment thing is crap. I would never sexually harass any female, therefore I will not worry about it.

C) But it is something to think about, i guess.</strong><hr></blockquote>

A) Never assume you know what someone else will do (My wife of 17 years left for another man 12 years ago and still bugs me to take her back). Emotions, especially hurt feelings, can change everything in a heartbeat.

B) It's not about whether you would harrass her or anyone else. It is about what someone claims you said or did. (see A)

C) Good idea. Keep thinking...she might well be available, interested, and worth the risk of losing your job--just keep the potential for trouble in mind before you decide....

D) Good luck.

[quote]Originally posted by Kymera:
<strong>Make sure that you can take the boyfriend out if it come to that. Nothing will make you lose respect in the eyes of your woman like a being on the receiving end of a good #ss-beating at the hands of her Ex. Avoid that if possible, it is embarrassing and painful. Good Luck.</strong><hr></blockquote>

LMAO...

He is jealous and he knows that I'm up to something. She tells him about me and she says he get's uptight and jealous and she's laughs at him for it. I've met him once and I know if it comes down to it, I will have no problem in fighting him but will do everything in my power to avoid it. I'm not a fighter at all.

One thing I have learned from experience that if a woman will go behind her boyfriends back to see you, don't think twice that she wont do the same thing to you. Twice a girl left their b/f for me and sooner or later they went behind my back to see another guy.. But, also it depends on how serious she is with her b/f. Is it something where they are living together or are they just kind of dating?

"He who hesitates, hesitates." Feels like deja vu all over again.

[quote]Originally posted by MorticiaAdams:
<strong>Totally agree with Sowulo..

Also what if she does leave her husband for you .. Whats to say she doesnt do it to you to.
Marriage is a scared union of two people.
It should be respected by others. It means phsically and mentally it is off limits.
There are SOOOOOooo many women in the world.
Its best to keep throwing out the ole hook and look for another that is not already on a line for life. But going for some one that is already married is not a good idea at all.
Whos to say her husband is not the type to go crazy on a man that might hit on his wife or try to take her away. If you think your feelings are strong for her. So was this man who asked her to marry him because he loves her. Keep it as friends and maybe she can help you find some one .

And if shes not married. Well thats a another story. I would play it as a angle as in like asking her if she has any friends that would be intrested. Say something like your nice but your taken and we work together. So maybe you might drop the hint like that and also spark her intrest.
Hope it works out.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Sowulo and Morticai have the answers listen and learn.
If it's meant to be it will happen on it's own.

I was dating a girl I worked with about a year ago. Her and I had a great relationship. One night, we even found a quiet dark place late at night inside the building near the cubicles to "do it" in. That was pretty cool I must say, but that's a whole other story. But yes it is a risk to take, but not all women are like that.

You should not have to worry if A) you are truly "harrassing" her, or B) if you have any power over whether or not she advances within the company. If you are her boss, then you might have something to consider. Or if you're constantly trying to touch her and she's telling you not to, then you should worry. But I wouldn't really worry about the sexual harrassment thing. It's overhyped. People always assume that just because one might be romantically involved with another within a company that it's automatically sexual harrassment. But that's not always the case.

[quote]Originally posted by Sowulo:
<strong>A) In the U.S. we have these little workplace laws concerning sexual harrassment. While things may be cool right now and they may well get even better in the near future, should anything go wrong, by dating someone from work your are laying yourself wide open for trouble.

B) If she's not married to the guy there is no reason you can't ask her out but since she's let you know she already has a boyfriend, beware point A....

C) If your position with this employer isn't real important to you, she might well be worth the risk (see points A & B)</strong><hr></blockquote>

Never fish off of the company dock.

It's more trouble than its worth...

Get a god solid after hours relationship... then lay the hard work on her (or whatever else is hard at the moment ;-)

[quote]Originally posted by senectus:
<strong>Get a god solid after hours relationship... then lay the hard work on her (or whatever else is hard at the moment ;-)</strong><hr></blockquote>

I think he means 'Go for it'

[quote]Originally posted by AlienDyne:
<strong>Sowulo has a point here!!!!</strong><hr></blockquote>

No, Sowulo has three points. ;)

[quote]Morticiaadams:
Marriage is a scared union of two people <hr></blockquote>

Isn't that the truth! I know you meant sacred, but this is probably more true.

[quote]Originally posted by Bubba:
<strong>

Isn't that the truth! I know you meant sacred, but this is probably more true.</strong><hr></blockquote>


ha ha ,,,thats funny,, :D :eek:

just go talk to her and her b/f
and asked them if they want to participate with you in a threesome.

heheehehehe

:D :p :D

J/K

[quote]Originally posted by AbSoLuTeZeR0:
<strong>just go talk to her and her b/f
and asked them if they want to participate with you in a threesome.

heheehehehe

:D :p :D

J/K</strong><hr></blockquote>

If only things were that easy then you know I would. But unfortunately at this day and age people will be thrown in prison for asking questions like that.

I was talking to her today...

So I asked her how serious she was with her b/f. She said: "I guess we're serious but anything can happen." I then said: "YES IT CAN!" She then had a very sweet innocent smile on her face. Then I said: "Will you let me know when something does happen?" She said: "You will be the first to know!"

So, I will continue to flirt and drop small hints so she'll know I want her and just silently wait for her current relationship to end.

I know if all else fails, she has a friend that likes me. :cool:

I asked her to lunch today. I'll take her somewhere new and classy.

Thanks everyone!

i still like my plan better to do a threesome.

also if you do, record it and sell it on ebay and make cash off of it.


heheheh MWHHAHAHAHAHHLAHAH

sorry im at work and its slow and im losing my mind
:eek:

[quote]Originally posted by MorticiaAdams:
<strong>Totally agree with Sowulo..


Marriage is a scared union of two people.
</strong><hr></blockquote>

I agree marriage is scary!!!

:D :D :D :D :D

It has been my experience that workplace relationships almost never work. The few exceptions are the ones who had a relationship before they started working together.

The main reason these relationships fail has little to do with the couple IN the relationship. What usualy happens is this: Regardless of how well you hide your relationship from co-workers, they will inevitably find out. That's when the rumors start. and once the rumors start flying, you will hear all sorts of things that she "said" or "did" behind your back. Most never actualy happened but you will hear about them just the same, and she will hear things about you. And thus is planted the seeds of suspicion. and when the relationship fails you will hear even more, until you can no longer work together.

My guess, by the things you said, is that the rumors are already flying and if I were you I would be wary of her boyfriend showing up with a shotgun. I'm sorry, but I have seen it happen.

I have made it a rule for years not to date co-workers, despite the fact that there have been several that were "my type", one I would have called my perfect mate. But as long as you work together a relationship is just too stressed to have a chance.

[quote]Originally posted by opiate:
<strong>I was talking to her today...

So I asked her how serious she was with her b/f. She said: "I guess we're serious but anything can happen." I then said: "YES IT CAN!" She then had a very sweet innocent smile on her face. Then I said: "Will you let me know when something does happen?" She said: "You will be the first to know!"

So, I will continue to flirt and drop small hints so she'll know I want her and just silently wait for her current relationship to end.

I know if all else fails, she has a friend that likes me. :cool:

I asked her to lunch today. I'll take her somewhere new and classy.

Thanks everyone!</strong><hr></blockquote>


First of all, I'm no expert, but I have seen many things happen. I agree with whoever said ( sorry long post and I don't remember who it was) that you should never assume you know what someone will do. Keep in mind, no matter how much you think it's impossible, ANYTHING is possible when dealing with another person. Personalites are very different, no matter how similiar they seem. Also personalities can and often do change. Now to your post, I think you are on to something. She knows how you feel, more or less. Let her make the move. Just remember too, if she leaves him for you, what's stopping her from leaving you for someone else? The main thing is be careful. If you are as good of friends as you say, you don't want to blow that either. I've lost a lot of friends because we "took it to the next level". Good luck!!

To those who have the problems with their mates being jealous.... All I can say.... 1) be honest with them. Don't give them reason to be suspicous. 2) Maybe sit down and talk to them about the situation. However, I know there are a lot of people still out there that don't believe men and women can be just friends, so be careful. Word of caution. I can only relate my experiences and how I would feel. Like I said above, there are all kinds of personalities.

Good luck all.

Since I.R. Admin, I have these three wisdoms to share with you, Opiate:

Happiness lies not in the look of forbidden fruit, but in its taste!

The passion we do not conquer will, in time, reconcile us to any means that will aid its gratification

Desire and longing are the whips of God

Take care...

I agree with Sosolo: Leave well enough alone. We just went through a workshop on Work Place Harassment (since we had a case similar to want you want to develop). Things might seem onky dory now, but third parties or if she decides she does like you more, your hiney is going to burning worst than eating red hot peppers! Not to mention law suits. Best keep romance out of the same work place.

[quote]Originally posted by *MAYHEM*:
<strong>

I agree marriage is scary!!!

:D :D :D :D :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

Damn my spell check button is down for the count again. DOH!!!!https://forums.windrivers.com/

[quote]Originally posted by MorticiaAdams:
<strong>

Damn my spell check button is down for the count again. DOH!!!!http://www.plaudersmilies.de/user.gif</strong><hr></blockquote>

That ain't a spelling mistake, it's a Freudian Slip!

I'm dowright impressed to see that most advice given here was a slap in the face to the "fact" that males only think with their private parts when it comes to relationships.

A lot of comments were made intelligently and expressed uncanny wisdom.

I'm not giving my opinion on this, as the case is pretty much closed and others have already given excellent advice.

Hope things work out for you, Opiate.