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"I've got a sneaky admiration for Dan Rather because I'm never sure when he's going to go bonkers on you. He always looks like he's gonna just stop and say, 'All right, motherf***ers, here it comes. We've got the bodies in hangar 18, the government has been lying to you....' And then they're going to drag him off."
--Steven King, quoted in the 1990 book, Anchors: Brokaw, Jennings, Rather and the Evening News by Robert Goldberg and Gerald Goldberg.
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
-- Anonymous
"The authority of the civil defense ... issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps," he said, adding that the British and American forces were "immoral mercenaries" and "war criminals" for such behavior.
"I am not talking about the American people and the British people," he said. "I am talking about those mercenaries. ... They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children."
-Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf
http://www.welovetheiraqiinformation....sahaf.mon.jpg
"Camping: nature's way of promoting the motel industry"
-Dave Barry
:D
"You ever black out when you're drinking or as I call it, time travel? Yeah. You're in a bar, you're drinkin, you black out, you wake up, you're in another bar, you're drinkin, you black out, you wake up, you're working in McDonalds. ..been there about 3 years, you're still not assistant manager. You wanna quit but you're bangin the fry lady. They say she's retarded but them titties ain't retarded." - Dave Attell
If I could visit one moment in history i would travel back to the moment when my parents were having sex to have me.....id run in slap my dad on the *** and scream, "IM YOURE SON FROM THE FUTURE AHHHHHHHH!" and run out......twould be glorious indeed.
-Dane Cook
"I think I bent my Wookie"
Ralph Wiggum
"The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether
you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
OK, maybe not funny, just ironic. :p
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
(guess who??)
"I drank what?!"
-Socrates
D'OH!
Homer J. Simpson
"Bite the pillow $target, I'm going in dry!" -er, uh...anonymous. :D
Quote:
Originally Posted by meatwad
That sounds vaguely familiar.
"I don't want you to think I lie awake at night counting...and recounting sheep." -Al Gore
Brock Samson: "Okay, Hank, now just twist the neck and the body will go
all ragdoll on ya."
Hank Venture: "And that will knock them out . . . even more?"
Brock Samson: "No, Hank, it will kill them."
Hank Venture: "Eeeeeew!"
"Being President is a lot like running a cemetery.You've got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening." -Bill Clinton
"There are advantages to being President.The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classisfied Top secret."
-The Late Great Ronald Reagan.