Things I've learned from my kids

[Drone2903]

Things I've Learned From My Kids

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house four inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 2 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults' in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat,you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke,and lots of it.

9. A 4 year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

11. "Play-Doh" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Quebec city, Can has a 6.5 minutes response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

22. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

[cc_penguin]

Thanks, I really needed that today

[Mustang]

This is very important information

thank you very much for sharing this with us.

[crackbeer]

Kids have taught me that I can vomit on a stranger as long as I say in a high pitched voice "I sowwy".

[Chris_MacMahon]

here are some to add to the list.

chris pee-pee is not tasty

my throat wants me to puke (and it will)

crayons really do brighten up a diaper

never leave a kid alone, to put the other to bed, when there is a hot dog on the table, and they can reach the microwave.

chris there is water in my pant's...no no i did'nt peepee....that's never a good sign.

[Stalemate]

Good stuff for parents!

Add this too:

Children, no matter how much you repeat and teach, will not easily learn proper behaviour from parents.

They will, however, pick up your bad habits (nose-picking, swearing, laughing after farting, etc.) at the speed of light.

[Matt_29]

heresmore

Cups/Cans/Bottles - should not be left around .. you will find stains on cloths and carpet that may not come out

dont own anything that is 3 ft or lower .. otherwise 21 month old finds places to climb

when changing diapers make sure your face is protected .. gas and peeing have nice ways of making it to your eyes

lock up cats food or put in high places .. other wise 21 month old has found his dinner

[cc_penguin]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by JvaGuy:
<strong>

lock up cats food or put in high places .. other wise 21 month old has found his dinner</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">And keep the litter pan clean for goodness sakes!!!

[Drone2903]

Oh and I forgot to tell you this one also:

23 - NEVER raise your hands on your children.

(it leaves your groin totally unprotected)
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

[jay015]

Thanks for the heads up! My daughter is only 6 months, but I'll keep this list handy for the following months....I mean years!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

[+Daemon+]

ahhahaha these are great

[Deity]

It's funny because it's true.

[Mayhem]

Children should be placeed in a barrel at birth and fed through the bunghole until the age of 18. At that point make the decision to either take them out or drive in the bung. - Robert Heinlein.

[Outcoded]

That was just what I needed to lighten up my day

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Drone2903:
<strong>8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke,and lots of it.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">[Makes a note]