I need help

[Ebra]

I don't do this very often. but I need help my parents tonight dropped a big bomb on my they decide that they are going to get a divorce and I don't really know how to deal with it. I mean my dad calls and says that he doesn't want me to take sides but he wants me to make him the bad guy.

I just don't get it. anybody been through something like this that can offer help because I just don't know how to deal with it

Thanks for everything in advance

Kris (Ebra) Graham

[cookin chef]

There is 1 thing more than I hate is when divorces happen, but it is an unfortunate statistic. I'm sorry for what's happening to you right now.

There is nothing I hate more than seeing parents use their kids like a beach ball.

They use their kids for their own personal selfish gains.



That may not apply in every situation, but it does in your case!

[Stalemate]

Whatever the reasons are that motivated your parents to make this dedcision, I'm sure that they did not intend to hurt you.

Unfortunately, that intention is worthless, as you're the only person who's opinion is not considered in this event and will nevertheless suffer the consequences and aftershock of it.

Whether through egotism, anger, or just plain not realizing it, your parents have made you a victim of their personal situation. Chances are that they truly believe that this is the best course of action and that they do not consciously want for you to suffer, so don't hold it against them. You'd be suffering even longer if you let bitterness set in.

I'm not sure if I understand what you meant about your dad wanting for you to "make him the bad guy". But don't do it - it'll only give you both a harder time to relate to each other as time goes by.

Talk to them both so you can hear both sides of the story, but don't encourage any disrespect of the other parent in your presence.

I'm really sorry for your plight.

Come back here to rant and "let it out" whenever you want. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

[Ebra]

On the bad guy part he wants us to make sure mom is happy. He wants us to try and make were she dosen't blame herself but him instead.

The part that gets me is that they have been married for 28 years and now this just dosen't make sense to me at all.

They waited till i was done with school and college but still hurts just the same.

[Stalemate]

Your pain is normal - just let it happen and overcome it in time.

I've seen older adults who had to deal with this same situation (parents divorcing), so I know that it doesn't get easier to deal with the older you get. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

[Wayward Clam]

Ow, that sucks, man. My parents divorced when I was 8 and my mother divorced again when I was about 16 or so. There is no way to make this painless... I don't know what to say that will comfort you, except that time does make it slightly better. It probably will never feel "good". But it will be easier to live with every day. So if I have any advice, it's just try to make it to the end of the day. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. And come here to talk if you need to... there are still some good people here who will listen.

[NooNoo]

There is nothing you can do to change their minds, and trying will only make it worse. Remember it is not your fault and nothing you did caused it.

Just try to stay sane and not get angry if either of them wants to "talk to you about it".

[Fierce]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by NooNoo:
<strong>There is nothing you can do to change their minds, and trying will only make it worse. Remember it is not your fault and nothing you did caused it.

Just try to stay sane and not get angry if either of them wants to "talk to you about it".</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Agreed. My parents never went thru with divorce, but they basically "seperated", and made times in my life growing up difficult to understand and manage. Alot of fighting, yelling and tough times.

My advice...be strong, you didn't cause it, you can't change it, but you can be civil and be positive with the both of them. Even though they may not have a relationship together, you can have a relationship with the both of them, and make it whatever you want, they will [/b]always[/b] be your parents. Stay strong, stick in there and rant and talk with us whenever things get tough. We're here for ya!

[Draggar]

Never having been through that, nor do I have any education in psychology, I honestly don't feel like I can start giving advice on this subject.

Hang in there, be strong, and if you need to talk or vent, feel free to post it here. I can try to be supportive.

Good luck, Ebra.

[Ebra]

Thanks for the kind words. This is just something that I have never delt with before and I have no idea on how to deal with it but things will get better eventually. Thanks again

Ebra

[PuterGeekGirl]

Its not easy...I went thru it when I was 16 and my parents were months short of 25 years together.

I am now going thru this myself and HATE what my son has had to go through (he is 7).

All I can say is tell your parents how you feel and be there for them, try your hardest NOT to take sides and keep a relationship with both if at all possible.

I am encouraging my son to maintain his relationship with his father, even though I don't agree with alot of what he does, its still his dad and I won't take that away from him.

Its never easy, but time will help heal things. Find someone close to you that has possibly been through this, that will help alot as well.

Best of luck to you...