It's that time of year again

[Johnny Blaze]

FROM: Patty Smith, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the
private function room at the Grill House. There will be a
cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And
don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange
of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however,
no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO
at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

-----------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Smith, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an
important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas,
though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be
no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols will be sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

-----------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Smith, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table... you didn't sign
your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I
put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be
anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are
allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much
money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

-----------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Smith, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December
coincides with the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which
forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There
goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon
at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party-- or else
package everything for you to take it home in little foil
doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to
sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will
get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's
table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats
for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those
on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we
suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics,
the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

-----------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Smith, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$ing Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #$%*!@% Holiday Party

Vegetarians?!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're
going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like
it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from
the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll
get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------
FROM: Joan Nordhey, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Smith and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Smith a
speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to
her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

[Cleetus]

That's about right. Hahahahaha

[Diver01]

Sad but true..... lol

[drewmaztech]

I just sent that to our HR department. They do have a sence of humour and I think they'll like that.
At our christmas parties, it's usually open bar all night so no one really gives a @#$% about PC...

[cookin chef]

This is almost as bad as Christmas political correctness.
About 2 weeks ago in Toronto, (Ontario, Canada) there was a controversy regarding calling the City's Christmas tree a Holiday tree so it doesn't offend someone. There was a huge backlash from the city citizens about the name change, so they changed the name back.

Sheesh!!!