one man's revenge tale

**Damned Angel** · January 9th, 2003, 05:04 PM

The wife just sent this to me, so I thought I would share.

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed.

The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during Spring 2006.

**Cleetus** · January 9th, 2003, 05:14 PM

I love that one, read several months ago, been dying to use it!!!!

Hey, I rarely get sex anyway, why not have some fun and friendly revenge while I am already shaving my palms.

**Spawn_X** · January 9th, 2003, 05:15 PM

lol.

very very good.

**Stalemate** · January 9th, 2003, 05:29 PM

Hilarious!

**ilovetheusers** · January 9th, 2003, 05:34 PM

If I ever hear those words I'm gonna make sure to do this. There's always rosey to go to...

**El Clammino** · January 9th, 2003, 05:38 PM

My wife claims that 2006 is far too soon after that one...

**Orangeman** · January 9th, 2003, 06:58 PM

My guess is that is either the smartest or dumbest thing one could do in this situation. Either she will come around and stop acting so petty and selfish or she will decide to retaliate and do something worse....and you may not be having sex until 2006 (if you're lucky!).

Good Luck,
Orangeman