A great scientific discovery!

[hudsonsmith]

REPUBLICANISM SHOWN TO BE GENETIC IN ORIGIN

The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically
determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of the
journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who believe it is a
chosen lifestyle. Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism,
discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County,
CA, has sent shock waves through the medical, political, and golfing
communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans'
unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional
tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably
high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers
and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and
gentle. Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited.
"After all," said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common
for a Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican."

The finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of
Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the political
views of otherwise lovable children, family, and unindicted
co-conspirators.

One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy on
hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she said, seated
with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys would never freely
choose that lifestyle!" When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she
said, "You can just tell watching their conventions in Houston and San
Diego on TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagogy, disdain for
anyone not rich, you know." Both sons had suspected their Republicanism
from an early age but did not confirm it until they were in college, when
they became convinced it wasn't just a phase they were going through.

The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the high
incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their sharing
not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude as products
of the same parents and family dynamics.

A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted
Republican at least once -- or often dream or fantasize about doing so.
Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a Republican
experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation with
Republicanism.

Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating
conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose" their
lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose, they
shouldn't be denied civil rights which other minorities enjoy. If
conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical
stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans can't
help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate Republicans in the
military or even high elected office -- provided they don't flaunt their
political beliefs.

For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different future.
In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether.

But should they be allowed to marry?

[ilovetheusers]

[meatwad]

That was pretty good. I found this one.

Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking and vote that way.

But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some prerequisites you must have first. Compare the below and see how you rate.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

[Zil]

Dangit, meatwad beat me to the punch. I've had that one saved for a while.

[NooNoo]

Finally a balanced thread

[JaxSon]

Finally a balanced thread

Glad to see you coming over to the dark side!

[+Daemon+]

post padding

[Stalemate]

That was pretty good. I found this one.

Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking and vote that way.

But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some prerequisites you must have first...

I had not seen that one in a while.

[Ya_know]

Finally a balanced thread

Good Gawd I havn't laughed so hard in a while. They were both pretty darn funny!