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Thread: The WOTPP's Tale !

  1. #511
    Registered User Mags's Avatar
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    ...and plays that .. I mean THAT .. haunting tune, which never fails to summon his wee brown cow ... who is always full of wisdom on matters like this ... and his wee brown cow immediately spotted that the sword didn't look like Tommy's sword, there was a little dent missing. So whose sword was it? And where has Tommy's sword gone?

    The Cow p(l)ot thickens....


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  2. #512
    Registered User street1's Avatar
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    So,the cow had a meeting with her friends.



    "We Must Have Toliver Gravy!"Said The Bloody
    Little Yellow Lumbermen To The Forum King.

  3. #513
    Registered User jitBob's Avatar
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    Wotpp.
    The Moral Majority is neither.

    Master Sargent - WOTPP

  4. #514
    Registered User Mags's Avatar
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    I thought it was very fitting that this should disappear, showing only the back end of a cow !!


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  5. #515
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    The cow pats haven't dried yet...




    ___________________________________________



    It is my pure and virtuous heart that
    gives me the strength of ten!

  6. #516
    Intel Mod Platypus's Avatar
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    Kao pat is fried rice in Thai...

  7. #517
    Registered User FatalException0E's Avatar
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    Wow....I'm glad I kept out of this before. Most schizophrenic thread of the decade.
    Contents: One signature
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  8. #518
    Registered User El_Squid's Avatar
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    First Cow: (looking around cautiously) I think they are all gone now.

    Brown Cow: (whispering back) Are you sure? We must not risk discovery. Not now that we are so close to success.

    First Cow: (chuckling under her moos) Ease up there Daisy Borden, the big bad humans have all abandoned this thread. It is finally ours...

    Brown Cow: What is that? You idiot, we've been posting all along. Err... Moo!

    First Cow: Moo!
    I didn't surrender, but they took my horse and made him surrender. They have him pulling a wagon up in Kansas I bet.

  9. #519
    Registered User Mags's Avatar
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    Therefore, if the First Cow was not the Brown Cow and the Second Cow was the Brown Cow, what colour was the First Cow? And is the Brown Cow the Second Cow or did the Second Cow disappear on day one? Leaving the Brown Cow to be the Third Cow .. I wonder?

    Can the Milkmaid throw any light on this, Pat?


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  10. #520
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    Quote Originally Posted by FatalException0E
    Wow....I'm glad I kept out of this before. Most schizophrenic thread of the decade.
    "How now brown cow, Pat?" said the milkmaid as she reached for her bottle of Risperidone/Risperdal tablets.

    ____________________________________________



    It is my pure and virtuous heart that
    gives me the strength of ten!

  11. #521
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    "Wow!" she said, popping her third tablet, "What they say about cows and flat rocks really is true!" All that mist and spray reminds me of...Niagara Falls!"

    Suddenly the black and white cow started to shiver. Then to shudder. Finally violent spasms shook her entire body as she raised her head and turned to stare at the milkmaid with a maniacal gleam in her eye. With froth and snot dripping from her muzzle, she spun to face the milkmaid and shouted, "NIAGARA FALLS! Slooowwwly I turned! Step by step! Inch by inch! I crept upon her until..."

  12. #522
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    Robert Herrick suddenly appeared reciting verse:

    "GATHER ye cow pats while ye may,
    Old Time is still a-flying:
    And this same cow pat that steams to-day
    To-morrow will be drying."



    ____________________________________________



    It is my pure and virtuous heart that
    gives me the strength of ten!

  13. #523
    Registered User El_Squid's Avatar
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    And then, a troop of ants came marching up next to the drying pat, spread out and reconnoitered the area thoroughly.

    "Keep your eyes open, ants! Look for any signs of the Divine Shrooms!" yelled the largest of the ants.
    I didn't surrender, but they took my horse and made him surrender. They have him pulling a wagon up in Kansas I bet.

  14. #524
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    In a desperate and futile attempt at weaving some narrative coherence here, your faithful narrator continues, perhaps foolishly so….. The tale must go on:

    “’Keep your eyes open, ants! Look for any signs of the Divine Shrooms!’ yelled the largest of the ants.”

    Whereupon a profusion of shrooms sprouted, thus explaining much about this sordid and twisted saga.

    But just as the ants were about to harvest, who should appear but the long dead Carlos Casteneda. He began to chant and dance, performing a Yaqui formicidae-stomping ritual to purify the now sacred site.


    Casteneda at Wikipedia


    Meanwhile, Wee Tommy and Bob DeLaRue, the mangy feline proprietor of the Silvestrus Paw(n) Shop, having resolved their differences over Wee Tommy’s broad sword, were wandering across the field.

    (Necessary narrative aside -- What had happened is this: In the brawl or ceilidh over the sword, Bob’s tail had been crushed under a two ton anvil which had mysteriously fallen from out of nowhere. Bob began to caterwaul in pain. Wee Tommy stopped dumbfounded, as Bob, yowling, ran through what turned out to be a near complete repertoire Scottish pipe music, ending in an impassioned rendition of Thomas Osbourne Davis’s A Nation Once Again. As Bob collapsed, exhausted, Wee Tommy shouted, “Bravo! Bravo! My brother, my brother, why d’ya ne say ye were a Scot? Aye, ye be a bonny, bonny piper!” As it turns out Bob had been an orphan who knew nothing of his ancestry. He and Wee Tommy fast became brothers-in-arms, and Bob was outfitted with a kilt and Tam O’Shanter.)

    Anyway…. back to the story, which is already in progress…. Wee Tommy and Bob attracted to the sound of Carlos’s chanting approached the sacred spot. Carlos invited them to join in the shroomie sacrament, which they did. Whereupon a vision of Saint Andrew appeared, resplendent in a brilliant shaft of sun gold.


    Andrew at Wikipedia


    Wee Tommy and Bob fell to their knees. Andrew held up his hand in blessing, and miraculously Wee Tommy was transformed. The cholesterol melted away from his arteries. The McHaggis-burger-and-deep-fried-Mars-bar-formed masses of lard weighing down his body, like a yoke of British Imperialism, vanished, and Wee Tommy was left a lean, muscular, handsome, young Scots warrior. Andrew spoke, “Rise Wee Tommy. You and your squire, Bob, have a quest. You must find Mr. P, for he holds the key to righting the wrongs of the Prehistoric Planet.”

    Then in a flash, Andrew was gone. Wee Tommy and Bob collapsed, transported in to a state of ecstasy.

    Madam Butterfly appeared, having been attracted to all the activity in the field. She stared down at Wee Tommy, the handsome young Scot, now unconscious. Quickly she bent down and pulled his kilt up over his head to keep him warm. Then from her purse she pulled her Hohner Marine Band harmonica and began to try mouth-organ resuscitation. First she tried “Oh Come All Ye Faithful,” but Wee Tommy remained limp and unconscious. Then she tried “Scotland the Brave,” and Wee Tommy stiffened and rose….


    ____________________________________________



    It is my pure and virtuous heart that
    gives me the strength of ten!

  15. #525
    Registered User street1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by houseisland
    In a desperate and futile attempt at weaving some narrative coherence here, your faithful narrator continues, perhaps foolishly so….. The tale must go on:

    “’Keep your eyes open, ants! Look for any signs of the Divine Shrooms!’ yelled the largest of the ants.”

    Whereupon a profusion of shrooms sprouted, thus explaining much about this sordid and twisted saga.

    But just as the ants were about to harvest, who should appear but the long dead Carlos Casteneda. He began to chant and dance, performing a Yaqui formicidae-stomping ritual to purify the now sacred site.


    Casteneda at Wikipedia


    Meanwhile, Wee Tommy and Bob DeLaRue, the mangy feline proprietor of the Silvestrus Paw(n) Shop, having resolved their differences over Wee Tommy’s broad sword, were wandering across the field.

    (Necessary narrative aside -- What had happened is this: In the brawl or ceilidh over the sword, Bob’s tail had been crushed under a two ton anvil which had mysteriously fallen from out of nowhere. Bob began to caterwaul in pain. Wee Tommy stopped dumbfounded, as Bob, yowling, ran through what turned out to be a near complete repertoire Scottish pipe music, ending in an impassioned rendition of Thomas Osbourne Davis’s A Nation Once Again. As Bob collapsed, exhausted, Wee Tommy shouted, “Bravo! Bravo! My brother, my brother, why d’ya ne say ye were a Scot? Aye, ye be a bonny, bonny piper!” As it turns out Bob had been an orphan who knew nothing of his ancestry. He and Wee Tommy fast became brothers-in-arms, and Bob was outfitted with a kilt and Tam O’Shanter.)

    Anyway…. back to the story, which is already in progress…. Wee Tommy and Bob attracted to the sound of Carlos’s chanting approached the sacred spot. Carlos invited them to join in the shroomie sacrament, which they did. Whereupon a vision of Saint Andrew appeared, resplendent in a brilliant shaft of sun gold.


    Andrew at Wikipedia


    Wee Tommy and Bob fell to their knees. Andrew held up his hand in blessing, and miraculously Wee Tommy was transformed. The cholesterol melted away from his arteries. The McHaggis-burger-and-deep-fried-Mars-bar-formed masses of lard weighing down his body, like a yoke of British Imperialism, vanished, and Wee Tommy was left a lean, muscular, handsome, young Scots warrior. Andrew spoke, “Rise Wee Tommy. You and your squire, Bob, have a quest. You must find Mr. P, for he holds the key to righting the wrongs of the Prehistoric Planet.”

    Then in a flash, Andrew was gone. Wee Tommy and Bob collapsed, transported in to a state of ecstasy.

    Madam Butterfly appeared, having been attracted to all the activity in the field. She stared down at Wee Tommy, the handsome young Scot, now unconscious. Quickly she bent down and pulled his kilt up over his head to keep him warm. Then from her purse she pulled her Hohner Marine Band harmonica and began to try mouth-organ resuscitation. First she tried “Oh Come All Ye Faithful,” but Wee Tommy remained limp and unconscious. Then she tried “Scotland the Brave,” and Wee Tommy stiffened and rose….



    ____________________________________________



    It is my pure and virtuous heart that
    gives me the strength of ten!

    I've read all of this story Wee Tommy stiffened and gruesome.
    "We Must Have Toliver Gravy!"Said The Bloody
    Little Yellow Lumbermen To The Forum King.

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