The WOTPP's Tale !

**street1** · October 24th, 2006, 06:07 PM

Hypnotized him.Now she was in control.So she sat him on her knee and arranged a
way to reach into his back up to her elbow,and use him as a HOWDY DOODY VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY.

Now when people came to do repairs they could answer to The Great Gazoo....all knowing.Maybe she was on to something now.

If she could only get her arm back out she struggled but,......................

**CCT** · October 26th, 2006, 04:45 PM

... she suddenly awoke with a seering pain in her arm. The Great Gazoo turned out to be a boa constrictor of some size now resting in her lap with a goodly portion of her arm lodged in its' gullet.

Letting out a blood curdling, if slightly effeminite, scream, our heroine whipped the mesmerizing beast about and smashed it repeatedly into a nearby rock.

The Great Gazoo became the Great Goo soon enough. Daphne extracted her none-the-worse-for-wear arm, shook off the snakes' digestive fluids like a puppy sheds rain water, and.....

**El_Squid** · October 27th, 2006, 08:00 AM

... set a kettle on the stove. Nothing like a really hot cup of tea to clear the mental cobwebs.

Living on a planet with dimensional ADHD, where reality itself could turn inside out in the twinkling of an eye, was not an easy thing. Especially when, decorator ladies and their legions of assistants traipsed through one's cave, rearranging the slime and upending one's daily routine with such Cavalier abandon. (Not to mention the mountains of sea shells the whole thing was costing.)

The kettle's piercing whistle interrupted Daphne's reverie and she set about laying out the trappings of a proper breakfast. Just as she was selecting the flavor of jam, there came a rapping, gentle tapping, at her chamber door...

**Mags** · October 27th, 2006, 08:24 AM

'Hello', he said.

'Oh hello Colinamatus, I'm so pleased to see you, do come in'

He stepped inside and asked, 'which light do you need moving?' 'The one that lights the rock staircase that leads to the upper floors of my cave, also the switch needs moving'.

Daphne said, 'Do you know the trouble I've been through? Sending carrots and pigeons to light men everywhere, one said I'll pop round the weekend - he never turned up. Others never sent messages back, so I've had to call you in, dear old faithful Colinamatus, do come upstairs.....'

So Colinamatus....

**CCT** · October 29th, 2006, 05:14 PM

... gathered his toolkit and was just about to start working when he turned to Daphne and said,

'Daphne - did you say you wanted the switch switched and the light moved OR the switch moved and the light switched? I can do one but not both, or so my Union tells me.'

Daphne stood rock still, looked the lackadaisical repairman in the navel (quite a tall fellow really), and replied.......

**Mags** · November 4th, 2006, 08:43 AM

....'could you bend down a bit, because I do like to look people in the eye. Yes, I need the light lowered and the switch moved, easy really'

So Colinamatus said 'I'm going away for the weekend, I'll catch you another time'

Then Daphne got really anxious cos coming down her stone, slimy steps was getting a bit precarious with the light playing up, so she sent a pigeon to another Light Guy who had been recommended by the Gas Guy, and this new guy said I'll give you a pigeon when I'm in the area, can do both, no problem.

Then Daphne had to think of something to say if Colinamatus ever did get back, cos no-one needs TWO Light Guys around, they'll stumble over each other and who gets the cheque?

Then out of the blue, Tommy arrived and said...

**CCT** · November 4th, 2006, 03:22 PM

....'Hey there Daphne. I say, was that your Light Guy I just ran over and smashed into the turf? Dreadfully sorry old gal don't you know.'

'Oh dear', cried the sorrowful lass, 'I shall so miss what's 'is name, shan't I a bushel.'

'Well Daphne, what's to do now - the poor chap lived all alone since his dear mother died, and his place is untennented now and he had it all fixed up with all that great plumbing and lighting he has, er, had should I say.'

Daphne, ever the canny one, thought a moment and replied,.......

**Mags** · November 4th, 2006, 06:07 PM

....'are you the Tommy we knew, for he was a little Scots boy, or are you a Big Tommy? For I don't think even little Tommy's play car could run over huge ColinamatamusWateverHisNameIs?'

'Anyway, do come in and sit by the fire...'

**street1** · November 5th, 2006, 07:37 AM

Not in the fire,By the fire,You brain dead weasel!Shouted Mags.....

I mean Daphne.

Tommy being a constant victim of his on circumstances decided to jump and land butt first in.................

**CCT** · November 7th, 2006, 05:27 PM

......Daphne's long delayed and now cold breakfast. Tommy stood up, brushed sticky egg yolk from his kilt and adjusted his askew sporan (Daphne hoped that was his sporan anyway), and marched out the door with as much dignity as a yolk bottomed clutz could muster. The fact that some brontosaurus bacon dangled from his posterior did not phase him in the least (since he didn't know), but Daphne wrinkled her pert nose in annoyance and thought.........

**Mags** · November 8th, 2006, 06:30 AM

....'why did I ask him in? I need a really posh man to invite round perhaps, preferably without a sporran or is it sporan'

So Daphne tipped the remains of her breakfast down the hole in the garden, had a quick bite of toast and honey, then went for a walk and met .....

**El_Squid** · November 8th, 2006, 10:05 AM

... an older gent, Godot by name, who was looking for a couple of old geezers on a bench. He looked sober as a judge and had an aura of authority about him, which filled Daphne with an odd tingling sensation. But, just as she found the courage to address the somber gent, she found him gone, vanished into thin air like some ephemeral mirage. Perhaps she had only imagined him?

No matter, the irrepressible Prehistoric Female resumed her morning walk in search of a reliable, available Light Man, not unlike Diogenes and his lamp. Soon, she came upon an odd little man, who called himself Steven, that claimed he was with the Industrial Light and Magic Company. Of course he could move the switch and lower the light...

**Mags** · November 8th, 2006, 01:26 PM

Daphne blinked and wondered what had been in the honey, because she was sure she'd seen Godot?

Ah, however, when Daphne espied Stephen, who also looked rather grubby, with plaster dust in his hair and mucky trousers, she said, 'Don't call me, I'll call you, because ...

It's Been Done Today !!!'

A rather portly man called RonaldHectoritis with a very slim guy called DaveHectoritis arrived. DaveHWotsit was despatched into the loft, while RonaldHeWotsit kept calling out, "put that along there, push it through there and I'll grab it" or something like.

Daphne kept out of the way, reading a hilarious parchment left by the Writing School Founder who had whizzed in from another planet and whizzed back again.

Then about two hours later, RonaldHectoritis and DaveHectoritis descended the stairs and Hey Presto, the light and the switch had moved ... so Daphne gathered all her Sea Shells and offered them. They were grabbed of course and the men flew away.

Then Daphne heard a knock, it was Claricentilla, asking where her husband was?

Claricentilla said ....

**CCT** · November 9th, 2006, 05:17 PM

Steven, that chap who claimed he was with the Industrial Light and Magic Company, also espied Stephen, the chap Daphne was fendinf off with her tale of the Brothers Hectoritis.

However, as his housemate and general millstone Claricentilla was hot on his trail, he continued dropping breadcrumbs and fake love sonnets to daphne all the way to Daphnes' place then vamoosed to the Lesser Antilles.

So it was that shortly or some unknown time later the same Claricentilla appeared at Daphnes' door and, when Daphne opened said door, shouted,

'Where is my husband you harlot with the magnificent lighting fixture!'

To which the startled and completely perplexed Daphne responded,..........