The WOTPP's Tale !

[Mags]

So slim, muscular, handsome Tommy and Bob set off in search of Mr P, although secretly in their hearts, they did wonder what Andrew meant by the 'wrongs of the Prehistoric Planet'?

For in their eyes, the Planet was a perfect place, where tales were perfectly understood (a bit like the Emperor's New Clothes) by those with discernment ... and that the Planet had a coherence that was not even found in the Daily Papers ... anyway in search of Mr P, off they went.....

[houseisland]

Mr. P had vanished. There was no question about that. The trail of vegemite sandwich crumbs had lead deep into the center of the forbidden forest, and there they petered out, there where an evil gang of Chickadees menaced hapless travelers.

Wee Tommy and Bob headed off for the forest, making plans as they went. Bob had never been on a quest before, and he stopped for a minute to sharpen his claws on the bark of an oak tree. He held up his paws and extended his razor sharp talons. He then smiled at Wee Tommy and said, “Aye. Leave the vexatious Chickadees to me.”

Meanwhile, back on the wrong side of town, down near the docks, Madame Butterfly is coming home to the Well, Hello There Sailor interior design shop that she and Ahab keep. She avoids eye contact with Ahab as she comes in furtively. Ahab regards her suspiciously. There is a faint whiff of highland heather on her clothes, and Ahab notices a few flecks of oatmeal in her hair, and on her sleeve there is a strand of tightly spun red wool, the red of Wee Tommy’s clan tartan.

Ahab asks, “Arr… where you been?”

Madame Butterfly replies, “Err… nowhere. Nowhere in particular…..,” her voice trailing off. She turns away from Ahab.

“Arrr… You can’t lie to an old sea dog. You been tossin’ Wee Tommy’s caber.” hisses Ahab menacingly, and he stomps his peg leg down hard on the floor.

Madame Butterfly opens her mouth in reply, when suddenly….


____________________________________________



It is my pure and virtuous heart that
gives me the strength of ten!

[Mags]

...one of the floor boards gave way and Ahab's leg disappeared down it. He flailed around, waving his arms in the air and his other leg stretched along the floor ...

Madame Butterfly spotted a Well, Hello There Sailor regular customer coming through the door, so she turned to ask what he wished?

[Sarah42]

I wonder what happened to Ahab?

[street1]

Ahab is still somewheres flailing his arms and stuck halfway through
the floor.He has learned a new song and it goes like this........

[slgrieb]

As I walked down through Chatham Street
a fair maid I did meet,
She asked me to see her home--
she lived in Bleecker Street.
Chorus:
And away you santy, my dear honey,
O you New York girls, can't you dance the polka?
And when we got to Bleecker Street,
We stopped at forty-four,
Her mother and her sister there,
to meet her at the door.
Chorus:
And when I got inside the house,
The drinks were passed around,
The liquor was so awful strong,
My head went round and round.
Chorus:
And then we had another drink,
before we sat to eat,
The liquor was so awful strong,
I quickly fell asleep.
Chorus:
When I awoke next morning
I had an aching head,
There was I, Jack all alone,
Stark naked in me bed.
Chorus:
My gold watch and my pocketbook
And lady friend were gone;
And there was I, Jack all alone,
Stark naked in the room.
Chorus:
On looking round this little room,
There's nothing I could see,
But a woman's shift and apron
That were no use to me.
Chorus:
With a flour barrel for a suit of clothes,
Down Cherry Street forlorn,
There Martin Churchill took me in,
And sent me 'round Cape Horn.

After listening to this song with an air of evident disgust, the newly arrived regular customer snatched up a barstool, raised it over his head, marched up to the struggling Ahab and exclaimed, "Gor Blimey, mate! What I wanted here wasn't to listen to that infernal caterwauling!" Whereupon...

[houseisland]

I wonder what happened to Ahab?

The whole point of this thread is that you don't have to sit there wondering. You can decide.



____________________________________________



It is my pure and virtuous heart that
gives me the strength of ten!

[El_Squid]

After listening to this song with an air of evident disgust, the newly arrived regular customer snatched up a barstool, raised it over his head, marched up to the struggling Ahab and exclaimed, "Gor Blimey, mate! What I wanted here wasn't to listen to that infernal caterwauling!" Whereupon...

he put the barstool down, right next to Ahab's struggling form, sat down and started belting out a fair rendition of Life is Cabaret! Long legged chorus girls, dressed in black leather bustierres and fish net stockings, with Goth makeup and jet black hair, appeared from the Stock Room, kicking up their heels and singing the chorus!

[slgrieb]

Ahab and his new friend gaped at the ladies with undisguised ... enthusiasm and then simultaneously burst into yet another song of the sea. The Goths, apparently quite familiar with this ditty joined in with great spirit; all the while dancing with such energy that their various pierces rang with the most jolly sounds, and they displayed their various tatoos with the most sly, and deliciously provocative wiggles one could imagine. They sang:

Gents:
Come my own one, come my fair one,
Come now unto me,
Could you fancy a poor sailor lad,
Who has just come from sea?

Ladies:
You are ragged love, you are dirty love,
And your clothes smell much of tar,
So begone you saucy sailor lad,
So begone you Jack Tar.

Gents:
If I am ragged love, and I am dirty love,
And my clothes smell much of tar,
I have silver in my pocket love,
And gold in great store.

And when she heard him say that,
On her bended knee she fell,
I will marry my dear Henry
For I love a sailor lad so well.

Do you think that I am foolish love,
Do you think that I am mad?
For to wed with a poor country girl,
When a fortune's to be had.

I will cross the briny ocean,
I will whistle and sing,
And since you have refused the offer, love,
Some other girl shall wear the ring.

I am frolicsome, I am easy,
Good tempered and free,
And I don't give a single pin my boys,
What the world thinks of me.

Then the tallest and loveliest of the ladies stepped forward and started to laugh. "Well! Upon my soul if it isn't Ahab and Doctor (well "Mister" now, as I should say) Flangebanger! Can it be your don't remember your old friend?

[Mags]

Mister Flangebanger said, 'of course, I remember you well, my dear. We were kids together oh ever so long ago ... I used to hold one end of the skipping rope while you jumped over it. I used to hold your books when we walked to school. I used to admire you from afar, too shy to say a word'

Ahab looked bemused, 'I don't remember you at all, I don't think we've met, have we?'

She said ...

[CCT]

Of course, the tallest and oldest of the 'girls' was 78 (this being a seaside tavern for drunken sailors), and despite bustierre and fishnet stockings and a well pampered pompadour, she still looked her age until about 1 AM.

Regardless, she said 'You lecherous old seadog, I can remember you watching me skip and jump and other such childish activities back then, oh you can bet on that!'

'Of course,' she murmured, 'you was but 12 yourself, but you did have the wicked eyes now, didn't you me bucko!'

To which the now seriously squirming Ahab replied...............



,

[El_Squid]

"Arrh! Be that you, Wendy?" feigning ignorance, as only the truly ignorant can. "It seems you've weathered many a hard squall 'pon some mighty rough seas! Nothing a little Holy Stoning and a fresh coat of paint can't fix."

"Why I outta..." the "girl" screeched, busting a flagon of rum on Ahab's dense, yet hollow skull.

[CCT]

Seconds whittled away as Ahab considered his response - he was also busy licking the rum now trickling down his face and into his beard.

Then, with the lucidity borne of a thousand drunken binges he shouted "What's that you said, wench?"

[Mags]

The "girl" replied ... 'What I said was ... Why I outta... didn't you hear the first time?'

'If not, I'll repeat it again ....

Why I Outta .............'

[slgrieb]

I oughta belt you about the mouth, and mouth you about the belt! What a pair of sad and sorry louts the two of you have become! What! You don't know your old chum Robert Stoutwood, finest Captain in the history of the Blackwood Rugby Squad? Am I unrecognizable after a few years and a few surgeries? Fie upon you! Ahab, I could forgive you, but "Mister" Flangebanger, never! Was it not my surgeries that cost you your license to practice medicine?

Even now, my vengeance approaches its terrible, unalterable end. Perhaps you have heard of the dreaded Gaboon Viper?