Ask Stalemate

[Stalemate]

Why do dogs have black lips?

This question tells me a lot about you.

Such as, you are a highly intellectual person, full of interest and even anguish about the truly important things in life. You are obviously gifted.

And here is the answer you seek:

Dog's lips are black only because you are using a black crayon. Stop eating the other colors.

[Stalemate]

When animals are killed on the roadways,What is the persons occupation that removes them?How much are they paid?Please do not refer to vultures and other scavengers.Only address the 2 questions asked.

In the USA, roadkill removal varies from state to state but is usually handled by the same branch which handles road maintenance.

It appears that in most cases, if the roadkill winds up on your property, then you are responsible for dispatching it.

I was unable to find an actual pay scale for this, given that each state is responsible for their own crews and that it often falls into the tasks of another job description, but if you're interested in a career with a road crew then I point you to this, and this, and walk slowly away, facing you all the while, while keeping eye contact until I can start running.

[CeeBee]

1. why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
2. why isn't there any dog in a hotdog?
3. If in a town where everybody tells the truth somebody tells you that everybody in that town is a liar, is that person telling the truth or a lie?

[Stalemate]

Listen... please answer Street1 question prompt. You know. I am mening now! I am having about 100 dead animals I am wanting to trasfer to DVD. Am I needing a paper shredder and a funnel? What hose size?

Paper shredder will only work on roadkill below 5 lbs in weight. You'll need to splurge for a wood chipper for larger game and perhaps even a liquifier to size it down into the format you want (MP3, AVI, MPEG, etc...)

Funnel and tubing will vary according to the size of your inputs, so measure twice and cut once.

[El_Squid]

If a tree falls in the woods and crushes an environmentalist, but nobody is there to see it, is it still funny?

[Stalemate]

I could have had my analyst Google it - but thanks. Anyway, you've re-stated the problem ... but ... I don't see an answer to the problem in there.

We've been using Schrodinger's Cat to try to sample the qubit matrix but that approach has two problems: (1) The cat cannot speak or write so having it communicate its findings is difficult; and (2) Half the time the darn cat comes out of the box dead so we can't even try to get an answer.

We've tried to improve on the model using what I call "Schrodinger's Lab Assistant" (patent pending) but they don't seem too keen for the job when we explain the potential side-effects of it.

In the meantime we're catching heat from management, we're going through cats like water through a trough, and the ASPCA is eyeing us rather suspiciously at this point since there aren't any cats alive within a ten block radius of my lab ...



That would cause a result - lowering my blood pressure - but not the result I need.

Please do give your attention to our problem soonest.

I see your problem.

You are under the impression that sampling the data may change the result when, in effect, the data will remain the same under these circumstances. I know it sounds counter-intuitive re: current quantum theory, but applied practical quantum dynamics operate much the same way any other kitchen appliance does: if it doesn't work, apply swift pressure with a boot or, if you are an educated IT professional, a LART.

BTW, your program is not working because the code monkeys are too pampered. Use some of those in the testing you're doing so it will at least serve as motivation for the rest of the crew.

[El_Squid]

BTW, your program is not working because the code monkeys are too pampered. Use some of those in the testing you're doing so it will at least serve as motivation for the rest of the crew.

Or, maybe the program you requested is not the program you desired. It is not the Code Monkeys' job to think for you, but to deliver what you asked for. Perhaps we need to apply a transitional matrix to all this and move to another Eigen neighborhood, where there are more cats and the peanut butter is creamier.

[Stalemate]

Why are Martians green when Mars is called the red planet?

They all suffer from acute daltonism and honestly believe everything is colored properly according to the usual spectrum.

What we perceive is just the psychic backlash from their immense mentally projected perspective, but as filtered through our own (proper) interpretation of colors.

For that reason alone they should all be exterminated.

[Stalemate]

May I mamuu dogface to the banana patch?

Not this week.

The stars say "no".

[houseisland]

OK, Stalemate.

If you are not in Canmore, you must be somewhere else. And if you're somewhere else, you can't be here.

So just who is reading this and answering these questions?

I suspect this is all a desperate ploy by the Jr. Liberals of Canada to undermine Steven Harper's sense of reality.

[Stalemate]

1. why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
2. why isn't there any dog in a hotdog?
3. If in a town where everybody tells the truth somebody tells you that everybody in that town is a liar, is that person telling the truth or a lie?

1. I do no such thing! I drive in a car.
2. Stoopid animal protection agencies, and so-called "normal" food standards. I also blame the secret canine overlords, at the risk of alarming the conspiracy theorists again.
3. He is a visitor to the town.

[Stalemate]

OK, Stalemate.

If you are not in Canmore, you must be somewhere else. And if you're somewhere else, you can't be here.

So just who is reading this and answering these questions?

I suspect this is all a desperate ploy by the Jr. Liberals of Canada to undermine Steven Harper's sense of reality.

I am, unfortunately, in Quebec, which (although most residents here are unaware of it) still part of Canada.

All questions are answered by myself.

Honest.

[houseisland]

OK, Stalemate. You are obviously a really smart guy.

Let's see if you can give my daughter some help with a first year English assignment at UBC:

If Brutus's obsession with the dagger and the wound in Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" represents his homoerotic Oedipal desires for Caesar, these twisted to murderous effect by societal repression and marginalization of the other by the homophobic Judeo-Christian heterosexual hegemony, a theme we see replicated in the relationship between Macbeth and Duncan in “Macbeth,” what insights are we then given into the relationship between Paul Martin and Jean Cretien in Shakespeare's “Gomery Tragedy,”….. err Travisty?

[CeeBee]

3. He is a visitor to the town.

You haven't answered the question. Answer rejected.

[Stalemate]

OK, Stalemate. You are obviously a really smart guy.

Let's see if you can give my daughter some help with a first year English assignment at UBC:

If Brutus's obsession with the dagger and the wound in Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" represents his homoerotic Oedipal desires for Caesar, these twisted to murderous effect by societal repression and marginalization of the other by the homophobic Judeo-Christian heterosexual hegemony, a theme we see replicated in the relationship between Macbeth and Duncan in “Macbeth,” what insights are we then given into the relationship between Paul Martin and Jean Cretien in Shakespeare's “Gomery Tragedy,”….. err Travisty?

I refuse to answer that question on religious grounds. Sorry.

Plus, the Liberal party sucks.